1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is it time to leave the closet?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by xzmanxdiex, Jul 18, 2008.

  1. xzmanxdiex

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2008
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Well, here is my problem: I am a 18 year old male. I know full well that I am gay. I came out to myself about 2 years ago and to my friends about a year ago. While I am not openly gay, I will only tell the people I absolutely trust.

    For the longest time, I have been telling myself that I will come out to basically everyone when I feel the time is ready. Up until now I though I would be ready when I graduated or would be in a relationship. Well, graduation is over and I'm moving into my dorm in about a month. I know that I need to come out to my family and basically everyone else but I'm afraid to. I have no doubt in my mind that my parents will accept me for who I am.

    Now onto my problem. My mother drinks a little. The only thing she does is yell at you, and become emotionally unstable. I'm afraid that once I come out to her, she will throw it into my face when she isn't in the right state of mind. My mom and I are so close. I still wanna wait until I have a boyfriend and then show up one weekend end and, hopefully, they'll put two and two together. Am I over thinking everything? Assuming that one of the worse possible outcomes will happen? Should I just stop being a little bitch and take the plunge?

    -Thanks

    P.S. I am aware that my situation is a lot better than some people out there. Some people I know basically got dis owned for being gay. I would like to apologize to all of those people who, I'm sure, would rather be in my shoes than their own. My situation is somewhat petty compared to yours, but I appreciate all advice given to me.
     
  2. TheSuburbian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    St. Louis West County, Missouri
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Wait until you're comfortable with it, or as lex told me, "Wait until you're as comfortable talking about it as you are your height or your shoe size." Very sound advice, I think.
     
  3. Cool Beans

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2007
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philadelphia
    Sometimes coming out is really difficult even when you know the person is going to accept you. When it's your parents, although you may believe they'll be accepting, it can still feel like you're destroying the image they've had of you all your life. The thing to remember is that you're still the same son they always loved; they just know a little more about you.

    Maybe you were semi-joking about not coming out until you bring home a boyfriend, but if you were serious, that's probably a bad idea. Your parents will likely need time to adjust to knowing that their son is gay; having them meet your boyfriend at the same time would be a lot to throw at them at once, even if they were accepting.

    I think you'll be okay if you do it. But just in case, prepare yourself for a negative reaction (strictly a precaution; it really seems like it'll be fine). Spend some time thinking about whether or not you're ready to come out. When you decide you're ready, go for it. Good luck to you!
     
  4. yahooooo

    yahooooo Guest

    Hey there!!

    Coming out is hard, I think for any body, whatever the situation. Yes, some more so than others but I think all LGBT people fear coming out as it is a sort of unknown. It is impossible to judge reactions. It is obviously going to be stressful even in relatively good situations - you are opening yourself up and letting others see a part of you that has been kept private for song long. Because of this make sure you are ready for it. You said you "need" to come out but is that really the case?

    If the "need" is because you feel ready, want to, but are just apprehensive then I would say go for it!! Make sure you have some stable support from people who already know though. It will be scary, but if you're ready then I'm sure the relief of openess will be worth it.

    If, on the other hand the "need" is because you feel under pressure to do what you feel you're supposed to then I think you should reconsider. Coming out due to pressure isn't a good idea and will only lead to more stress.

    Again, I wouldn't wait until you have a partner as this will mean lots of stress on the relationship if you both have to deal with your coming out. Give your mum time to sort out all the emotions in her head. It will probably be a little hard for a while but I am sure she will be fine after time to reajust. Try not to worry too much - make sure you are prepaired but if you think too much things only seem to get more complicated!!

    So just think about why you want to come out, if you're ready and then if it all seems fine, go for it and good luck!!
     
  5. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    Hi and welcome to EC.

    There is no need to 'rush' coming out to anyone. You should tell your parents that you're gay when NOT telling them is more uncomfortable than telling them.

    It would be cool for you to be open about it when you get to college. Not that you have to take an ad out in the school newspaper, but at the same time you might as well by yourself right off the bat - rather than having to 'come out' to people later.

    Good luck, and again, welcome.
     
  6. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    First, hi and welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    I think it's great that you have taken the stance that you have in terms of coming out to others. Trust and the feeling to be ready for others to know are important.

    I do think though that if you are still having some thoughts about coming out to your parents, it might be best to give it some more time and to make sure that you are ready to come out to them. It does help that you and your mom are close. Given that you are a bit worried as to what she might say when she had a few drinks it might be better to wait till you have moved into the dorm before coming out to her. Like this you won't be around that much to have to go through such a situation. I can imagine that it would be difficult on you.

    I would suggest to you that waiting to come out to your parents until you have found a boyfriend and then coming out to them in the same breath as you are introducing your boyfriend, isn't such a good idea. As it was mentioned previously, parents will always need some kind of an adjustment period. Remember that for your parents everything will be 'new' as it was and will be for you. I think it would be better if you take it one step at a time. Don't rush into anything. Take your time with it.

    Hope this helps!
     
  7. Davey

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Upper Sandusky, Ohio
    I know for a fact that my mother will be fine with who i am. other than the fact she really doesn't understand Bisexuality but other than that she will still love me and i'm sure your mother will too. I know this is about you coming out or something but maybe do with her what i did with my father and talk to her about her drinking? if thats a problem. but yeah with the whole coming out thing just wait until your ready. hell if you don't come out until your 30 thats up to you! its no one else businesses until you want them to know.
     
  8. Master Hade

    Master Hade Guest

    I think that u should tell ur parents when u feel ready to! I think with ur boyfriend idea, it sounds like your going to use him almost! but maybe not
     
  9. I agree it might be easier to tell them you're gay and save the boyfriend part for later so they have time to adjust to each one.
     
  10. myra

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2008
    Messages:
    363
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    B*Town, Ohio
    I know coming out to my mom was the hardest thing i'd ever done. She doesn't drink but she is a very strong christian and against anything to do with the GLBT lifestyle. According to her i'm going to hell, but whatever.

    I want to say come out when you feel the time is right, but sometimes its really hard to know when that is. The opportunity just doesn't present itself. Find a time though when its just you and her. Sit her down, get rid of all distractions, and just tell her your gay. Its not going to be easy, I promise you that. But once you tell her, you'll feel like a huge weight is lifted off your chest. You won't really be hiding anymore. I would reccomend telling her before you move into your dorm. That will give her time to get used to the idea and come to terms.

    While its not going to be easy, I'll be here for you. I wish the best of luck to you. If you need anything, let me know.