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Best friend crap.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TJ, Mar 16, 2014.

  1. TJ

    TJ
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    Wow! That is... one helluva situation, lol.

    What makes most sense to me would be to come out to him as a brother. Don't mention anything about being attracted to him unless he asks.
    I would just ask something along the lines of, "Can I tell you something? As a close-ass brother? I'm gay."
    You can throw some of your own lingo in there, but that's the most reasonable way I can see you coming out to him.

    In my opinion, if you don't mention how close of friends you are, his mind might jump to the sexual attraction thing rather than to being your friend.

    His behavior suggests he's kind of a loose cannon :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: so it's definitely not safe to try to predict his actions.

    Anyway, that's how I'd handle it, but you know him, I don't. If this sounds like something that wouldn't work, let me know.
    Hope this is some food for thought.
     
  2. TJ

    TJ
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    Okay, don't freak out that my post is in front of yours.
    There was a glitch with the forum time that I think was just fixed.
    You posted the topic when the glitch was still going on, and I posted on your topic after the glitch was fixed. I happened to post before the glitched time of your posting.

    Mind... boggling...
     
    #2 TJ, Mar 16, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2014
  3. Juggalo

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    So. I've mostly managed to get over the whole crush on my best friend thing. Learned that by thinking of him as a brother, in terms of thinking of him as actual family, keeps my dick down. Most of the time. Lol. Buuuuuuuuuut now he has been living with me for a while. And I swear to god he constantly makes it so much harder to come out to him.

    Previously, I mentioned how I thought he might be gay or bi. Well, he is now confirmed straight. So thats signifigantly less confusing for me. But heres where it gets weird. He acts gay. Purposely and unintentionally. I actually have to yell at him or hit him (in a playful yet violent manner) to stop sometimes. As examples: places his hand on my thigh every night on the way home from work to try to make me uncomfortable; winks at me and lots of other males; plays grabass with anyone; says shit like "you like it" or constant gay innuendo; likes to flash his bare ass at me, or even get naked when he drinks. Honestly, he is "gayer" than me, and I like dicks. What the hell.

    Yet if I so much as wink at him, he freaks out and says shit like " no! I'm the gay one! Don't do that its weird.". What the actual fuck? Because seriously, I know he isn't gay. I've had to actually let him know when he has drooled on himself when a hot chick walks by, LOL. It has become kind of a running joke between us and our friends, that he is a lesbian in a mans body that identifies as a man. I don't know, we're weird. I once explained to him that I think he is homoromantic hetero, since he acts like that around men, and is sexually atracted to women but can't feel an emotional connection to them. Then he said we're connected, gave me a hug and almost choked me out. He also likes to say (in public, mind you) "You're a dick. But you're my dick".

    And somehow, being in his presence, I seem to be becoming more straight? Up until he moved in, I'd never been attracted to women. I'd slept with a few back in high school in a desperate atempt to prove to myself I was straight, and the denied that I did that to myself for years. But now certain types of females have goten me going: tattoos, short hair, punk goth chicks. So hey! Look, sexuality does evolve. Although I feel like I'm absorbing his straightness or something. I know very close friends get personality traits from each other, but I had no idea it would go that far. lol

    So. Heres my conundrum. I identify as gay, although I seem to be at least partialy bi now. I am what you would call masculine in personality, yet I guess twink in body shape. My best friend and roomate is feminine in personality, and muscle hunk in shape, yet is completely straight, but has told me without prompting of any kind that he wishes he were gay because then he could be fabulous (his words). I've seen my friend naked (often) and he has on multiple occasions played with his dick in front of me, even though I told him not to. He is extremely good looking, and is now a cam model, so he is obviously comfortable with his body and with other guys being attracted to him (he takes it as a compliment). I've never taken advantage of him because I think of him as a brother. But how do I come out to him? He is rock solid in his faith that I am straight, even though I purposely leave my sexuality very ambiguous, and occasionally do some incredibly gay stereotype shit. He grew up homophobic, and once threw up when he saw me naked because dicks are gross or something.

    So confusing. Yet hilarious. I'm in a pickle. I've told some family, I've told some friends, I've prepared the human resources department at my work for potential drama, yet I can't get past the best friend barrier. What do? I can see him reacting a few different ways:
    *I know.
    *no way! I refuse to believe it!
    *ok so?
    *omg youve seen my penis how dare you
    *now i feel bad for things
    *we can't be friends I'm moving

    Needed to get some of this off my chest, and my only gay friend I haven't had a chance to talk privately with about this shit, since he seems to be scared of me since he came out to me (which is a whole nother can of beans).

    Halp? Laughter? I could honestly use both. Because while this is hilarious, its also incredibly frustrating.

    TLDR: How do I come out to my best friend without him thinking I'm attracted to him and keep our friendship intact?
     
    #3 Juggalo, Mar 16, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2014
  4. Juggalo

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    Bahahaha. Backwards thread day? I honestly thought I somehow messed up my settings.

    As cfor the coming out as a brother thing, I've had that in the back of my head for a long time. We're definitely bros, if not brothers of our own choosing. I make sure to accentuate the brother thing a lot, especially when he gets up to his stupid fake-gay antics. I want to make it clear that I'm not attracted to him (most of the time -_-) and still allow him to be his crazy self.
     
  5. Chip

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    Actually, TJ is just a mind reader and can anticipate the answers to threads people are going to make before they make them. He starts threads with answers, and then the people come along and post their problems. Instant solution! :slight_smile: