Long story short. Ex-fiance (might as well be honest) has reapeared. The way he broke up with me was to stop talking to me and disapear. Not so wonderfull. Anyway, I want to say something to him but I am afraid I am not sure what I will say. So, is it worth closure to risk more heartbreak?
woah! I think you already know the answer you are going to get. Don't do it. BTW what he did is horrible, you should organise a charity for yourself in defence against hobos like him. I would donate.
It depends how much you need closure in order to move on. I am not defending your ex but their might be a reason for his sudden departure, I think is is worth simply asking him why he stopped talking to you and went away. If there is not some valable reason ie family emergency at the other end of the country you can then simply say 'Did I deserve to be treated like that?' and let him think about the way he treated you. You could also finish by telling him that the best way to finish with someone is to talk to them openly in an adult manner and explain things, not creep off and hide like a coward, because that is what he did. If you don't NEED this closure then turn the page and forget him, if you still have unanswered questions then come straight out with them, don't spare his feelings, he certainly didn't for you!
If you are not sure what to say, don't say anything. Unless you know what you want from him, how are you going to get any closure from talking to him?
i guess only you can answer that.... i know if it was me then i would want to say something. but on the other hand, are you guaranteed to get what youre looking for ? ask yourself why you feel you need to talk to him to get closure??... can you just walk away and forget about him? or are you gonna have to say your piece and get some answers? if its the last one then youve got your answer
I would suggest talking to him, just to understand his side of it, but don't fall too deep into a friendship or relationship with him. Sometimes the heart needs closure to move on.
I guess I just want to know why he left. And it has been months and I bumped into him, he didn't look for me during those months. *I'll start that charity soon.*
He doesn't deserve it,but if you think you will feel better,try and talk to him...although I wouldn't...
Hi there! I agree with Louise. It really depends on whether how much closure you need. Given that he left suddenly and seemed to have broken off the relationship, you do have the right to know why he did it in the first place. When you talk to him, ask him the things you need to know directly and let him know what you thought about his departure. As Louise said, don't spare his feelings. Having said this, I think it would be good, before you talk to him, to ask yourself if you really need to have this chat with him or if it would be easier just to leave it and move on. If he is not forthcoming with the answers that you are looking for, it is possible that you might be even more disappointed and finding yourself having more questions than answers. Given that he hasn't contacted you during the months since he left, it might be better just to close this chapter and start a new one. It's up to you though how you want to proceed. Hope this helps!
I'd stay away from him. If there are things you need to talk about, then talk, but as far as reestablishing a friendship or relationship. . .I say stay away.
I hate the word "closure". I really do. Quite often, when people say "I want closure", they mean "I want things to end in a way that's satisfactory to me." But you know what? Sometimes, you just don't get that option. Things happen that prevent that. Many times, I've seen people attempt to talk to that special someone "one more time", in order to get "closure". But they end up fighting, or they don't get the answers they want, they retreat to their separate corners to lick their wounds for a bit, and then decide they still don't have that "closure" they want...and they try again. One guy I know kept this up for over a year. Everybody who knew hem heard the lines "I'm looking for closure" and "I just want to know WHY he left" numerous times from him. This despite the fact that the guy told him. Over and over again. "I left you because..." Either this guy didn't believe him, or felt there must be another underlying reason, or whatever, but he kept going back. Because the answers he was getting weren't the ones he wanted. I can next-to-guarantee that no answer this guy can give you will help much. Will make you say "Oh, OK, now I understand." I think it's best to stay away. You're free from this guy now. No need to go slapping the tar baby just because it came back to town. Lex
If you know what questions you want answered I would say do it because it would help you get the closure you need. Such as Why did you leave? Go into it knowing what you want to ask and make sure that you are willing to hear the answers. A conversation with no fighting would be a good idea, make sure both of you are willing to hear what the other has to say.
i have a friend who wanted "closure" so she went to talk to a guy who messed her around and broke up with her. they ended up getting back together. BIG MISTAKE. the guys a total arse and i cannot see things ending well this time either. but she put herself in a vulnerable situation and let her emotions be manipulated. if youre not sure of how you feel then it might be better to leave it. this guys already messed you around once - dont give him the option of doing it again...
Lol at the charity thing. And I agree with Lex on the closure thing I think. I didn't really read the whole thing because its late and my brain is mush. But just ask him why he left you like that. But prepare to get hurt again. I would want to know why. I hate being left and being left in the dark is even worse!
Alright, I think I won't get closure or even anything of use other than some rubish but I know I don't want to be back with him. I'm angry and hurt so I don't want to deal with him and frankly don't have to. Just a quick "Where did you go?" is all I (need or want) and I am done with him. Thanks all of you. Lex, you made a good point, I won't hear what I want so I should just get on with life.
