1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is this a good letter?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JakeHas, Mar 16, 2014.

  1. JakeHas

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2012
    Messages:
    264
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indiana
    So I just typed this up and wanted to know what you guys think. This will be my final step until I'm officially past the closet door and entering my life. My dad is the last one to know, I've been too afraid to tell him the most.

    "Hola Padre (Father) or whoever gets this first,

    Don't worry this isn't anything bad, or well, shouldn't be. I don't know if you've noticed, I don't know if I've made it clear at all. But I'm pretty sure you could guess I'm not just going with mom and getting out of some school in the morning just to go to her own therapy session. She set it up for me. I've been too afraid to say anything to you.. I didn't know how you would react. This has always been hard because it's really not something I'm able to come out with and just say, that's one of the main reasons I'm typing this out (That and I have horrible handwriting). I am...uh gay.... That was hard, even for me to type. I'm the same "me" I haven't changed and I'm not going to. I would've told you in person but I was too afraid and nervous to, I could never bring myself to it. I've known for a while and believe me, it is something I tried getting rid of. I spent so much time trying to pray those feelings away, forcing myself to not think about it, hating myself for it. I spent a lot of time like that, and it never helped. So I've learned that it's something about me I'm not exactly going to "get rid of".
    I also wanted to include that me and Aaron(current BF) kinda are "dating". I understand that all of the "dating rules" apply. He's helped me become more outgoing and social at school, he's helped me make more friends and just in general put me in a lot of a better mood lately. Neither of us are stupid, he's mature and I'm mature enough to never 'do anything' when we hang out. Sorry for not telling you about that sooner either, but that would've unwravelled everything and would've been hard...
    I'm really sorry for not saying anything sooner, but I was kinda stopped from being able to since I tried telling mom the first time. I had told her after Five Star one time last year but she didn't exactly give off the best vibe to me. And still doesn't, which is what made me afraid of telling you because I didn't want to have to go through that again. I don't want to go to therapy honestly. I told mom several times that I'm okay and can handle myself, and that I don't want to go, but of course she knows exactly how I'm feeling so I basically have no choice but to listen to her.....
    I'm really sorry for not saying anything sooner but the fear was there and I was too nervous to ever actually say anything. I don't want this to change anything, I just hate living with a secret like that. I don't want it to become some big deal like mom made it to me, I just want you to be able to be there for me and accepting if I come to really need the support. I still love you and everyone and hope it can all stay the same. I have told Kelsey(my sister) a while ago, so she's been a really big help too. So you can talk to her if you wanted to know something too without asking me directly.
    That's all I can think of. Once again I really just want this to be able to bring us closer and not further apart, I can't live with anymore secrets like that.
    ~Jake
    "
     
  2. AwesomGaytheist

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2013
    Messages:
    6,909
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That was amazing, Jake, and you did it the right way. The way you put it about how you're following the "Dating rules" was a good, reassuring idea for them, and I sure hope this is a turning point for you guys.

    (*hug*)
     
  3. StillAround

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2014
    Messages:
    574
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Washington State
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Jake,

    If I had a son, I'd want him to be just like you! Your letter is pitch-perfect. I hope it goes well! (*hug*)
     
  4. Nicholas1991

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2014
    Messages:
    206
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    I agree, that was perfect, so much heart is in those words. If i was your dad i would be so proud. Let us know how it goes!

    (*hug*)
     
  5. SemiCharmedLife

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,062
    Likes Received:
    85
    Location:
    KY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Amazing! I hope he responds positively! I'll be sending you good vibes man!!!
     
  6. sharkpool

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2013
    Messages:
    111
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    very emotional letter :') i hope he reacts in a positive way. good luck!
     
  7. mbanema

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2014
    Messages:
    1,485
    Likes Received:
    30
    Location:
    MA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    First of all, I just want to say I'm very impressed -- you're only 15 and are about to reach a major milestone in your life. It's even more admirable considering coming out to your mom apparently didn't go quite as you had hoped but you're still managing to push through it. I wish I had your guts.

    The only thing I might change if you haven't already given your dad the letter would be to remove your apologies (you said sorry three times) -- you haven't done anything wrong so try not to frame coming out in a negative light. Explain why you waited so long to tell him, but you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I'm also not sure about this line: "I've learned that it's something about me I'm not exactly going to 'get rid of.'" I'm not sure if you feel this way or not, but if you do I suggest changing it to "I've learned that it's not something I could get rid of, even if I wanted to." I assume since you have a boyfriend (and if my memory is correct in another thread you seemed really happy to be with him) that you don't really wish you were straight at this point.

    That's just some minor advice though; either way you're going to accomplish what you set out to do and I'm really happy that you'll finally feel free to be yourself and pursue what makes you happy. Good luck; I hope this goes great for you! :slight_smile:
     
  8. PatrickUK

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,943
    Likes Received:
    2,362
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's from the heart and therefore, it's good. I do hope it works out for you. Will you let us know?
     
  9. UK_guy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2013
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Yes it's an excellent letter :slight_smile: I hope it goes well
     
  10. Yossarian

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2013
    Messages:
    1,814
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Put it in the mailbox today; I wouldn't change anything about it. Oh, and print it on good quality paper at best quality resolution; I have the feeling that your dad is going to keep it for the rest of his life.
     
  11. StillAround

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2014
    Messages:
    574
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Washington State
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    (*hug*)Amen, Yossarian. If I were your dad, Jake, I'd keep that letter the rest of my life! You are so brave, and I hope your dad sees you as we do.

    /Ed.
     
  12. greatwhale

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    As the others have posted above, do not change a thing in that letter. Send it right away, don't hesitate. If I got a letter like that from any of my kids, there would be no question that I would support them 100% and I would remind them that they should never be afraid to tell me anything.

    Best of luck!
     
  13. JakeHas

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2012
    Messages:
    264
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indiana
    I left it, as is, on his bed as he went to work today. He will get it when he is home. In fact, he probably already has gotten it. I wont be home until 8 because of rehearsals for my school musical, so he will have time to think. Gosh I'm nervous..
     
  14. mbanema

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2014
    Messages:
    1,485
    Likes Received:
    30
    Location:
    MA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Good luck! Please keep us posted; I hope it goes well. :slight_smile:
     
  15. JakeHas

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2012
    Messages:
    264
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indiana
    So I came home last night and he hugge me and said not to worry. Keep in mind that it was the first time he's hugged me probably since early primary school, if that. I also discovered my stepbrother is gay too! So I'm finally open. I took my final step out of that closet door! I can be me now c:
     
  16. Nicholas1991

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2014
    Messages:
    206
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    CONGRATS :grin: so your dad was all cool with it? Happy for you (*hug*) , if only i was as brave as you are...

    You must feel pretty relieved right now.
     
  17. Uranian

    Uranian Guest

    Great letter. So happy for you that your dad responded so positively. You must've been hella nevous.
     
  18. JakeHas

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2012
    Messages:
    264
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indiana
    He took it well, he was certainly suprised and he'll have to get use to it and that will take a while.
     
  19. SemiCharmedLife

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,062
    Likes Received:
    85
    Location:
    KY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Ahhhh Jake I'm so happy for you man!!!!
     
  20. greatwhale

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am so pleased for you Jake!

    What a lot of growing up you've done in the past few months! I am so completely proud of you, and you should be just as proud of yourself for your courage and your honesty.

    I wish you all the best in a life of integrity and love!