1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I dont know what to do..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Catsaber, Mar 16, 2014.

  1. Catsaber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2014
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I need some advice, i've been in love with one of my friends for almost 2 years already ( well i've met him 2 years ago so yeah.. )

    Everything started while we were having a lecture about our future ( at the same time, i had a crush on a girl and everyone knew about it, especially him ). He poked me the entire class since he was bored ( and i noticed the first time he did that and i asked if something was wrong, he just smiled and said "nothing" and continued doing that ). We werent that closer at that time, but i just couldnt stopped thinking about him for some reason after that [ i kinda felt happy when he was poking me ]. At first i thought "nah it's nothing, it's not like i will develop feelings for him" ..seems like i was wrong. Though since we werent that closer, he would often ask me whenever i was walking with him "why are you following me?" and " go somewhere else".

    After one year passed, we started to grow a little closer to each other. I'd often accompain him to his house since he [still] lives near school ( like one block ) and the bus station is closer as well, but usually we didnt talked a lot. At the end of the year, i started to realise that i really had feelings about him.. but.. well, i've noticed that at the same time, he started to grow closer to a girl.. and yup, i started to get jealous about her when i realized the he probably liked her.

    Another year passed, now i'm in the same class as him. Our friendship grow a lot [ and i mean A LOT ], he started doing things i thought he would never do. He is often worried about me, asking if something is wrong ( and he tries to bring any subject, mostly about a game that we started playing together called hearthstone ), he sometimes asks me if i want to stay a little at his house ( now that we have double the classes on tuesday and thursday, sometimes there is no one who can pick me so he invites me to stay ), sometimes when it's raining he even invites me to lunch at his house.. Well, he is now giving me the same treatment he gives to that girl, and it is hard to tell if he actually developed anything for me ( i have my doubts since sometimes he calls my name while we're in class and say "nothing" and smiles, and sometimes he acts a little childrish when he is near me ) ( and well , the "same treatment" i think that he care more about her since is usually asking where is her and even gets her things ( usually her handouts ) without asking and she doesnt even care ), but it seems that everyday we grow closer and closer ( putting me around her level i guess.. ) [ like for example, he knows that i play piano, and one day he asked me "so, how was your class today" and i said "it was tiresome, i'm starting to learn the music "let it go" from the frozen movie, but it's hard because i'm trying another version" then he said "oh, can you send it to me?" [ link: Let It Go (Disney's "Frozen") Vivaldi's Winter - ThePianoGuys - YouTube ] then he said "well, if you learn the piano part, then i will start taking violin classes *laughs*" at first i thought he was joking, but well, yesterday while we were at a party, he told me he told his mom that i'm learning that music and how she was impressed, and for the 3rd time he said he was going to learn how to play the violin when i show him that i can play that song (reason why i'm dedicating more these days) and he sounded a little more serious this time ].

    I've Searching around the internet if isnt there any ways i can see if he at least have any emotions towards me, and one interesting thing i've found is that when we're in love, our pupils tends to dilate a lot, so i've been trying to see on his eyes.. sometimes it is, sometimes it isnt.. Another thing is, he doesnt seem to bother when i accidentally touch his hands or when i do "something that boys usually dont do" like, at the same party i was talking a little ago, our friends painted a dick on his neck [ invisble ink ], luckly he was wearing a jacket, but i was stupid enough to go and check it and try to cover it and surprisingly he didnt even care ( but when the rest was trying to look at it, he got a little mad ).

    Well, here is the bad part.. i suffer from depression because i was bullied a lot when i was a little ( had almost no friends ), i think only my mother noticed that because one day i told her that i dont wanted to live anymore. He is my first real friend and the person that i care the most, and i would do anything for him. But i'm just scared.. i plan on telling him everything at the end of the year, he isnt homophobic or anything like that ( he acts normal whenever someone calls him gay but that's what our friends usually call each other just for fun ), but there are 4 possibilities: Either he says he doesnt want to see me anymore, or he says that he undestands even though we can only stay as friends, he can say that he actually loves that girl ( they know each others since kids so.. ) or he can say he feels the same way ( idk what can happen between here and the end of the year ). And i am scared that the first option happens..


    Well, what do you guys advice me to do? ><"
     
  2. jonnemack

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2014
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Oh, how i wish i was in your situation...
    Welcome to EC by the way, here's your sex on the beach and your rainbow wristband.

    I supose you sir are at highschool, things can be really confusing because you are not fully independant, but you are starting to take consequences for your own acts. By that i mean you should be really cold when analysing things with this boy.

    He seems to like you, clearly, but then you ask yourself how close you are to him. If your answer is something better than "really close", i advise you to not worry that much about telling him your feelings. I am sorry to know your case of depression, cause i was very sad at highschool as well and a friend "healed" me, cause i crushed on him. Sad for me he was straight and never ever showed signs of affection like your friend does.

    Here's your advantage, he seems to care way too much about you and wants to be with you, that's fucking GREAT. Do not underrate it, it is something very special. Sometimes you have to let go some old concepts to open room for amazing stuff, like the song says. Let go your worries, be all poetic if you can and start a deep talk with him about future and feelings, like the way you two met. If you see a chance to tell him then take it, you deserve to be happy. He looks like a good boy, if everything goes wrong, at least he will be your good friend, but be careful not to get that conversation get to the sexusl part, it can be awkward hehehehe...

    Good luck boy!
     
  3. Yossarian

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2013
    Messages:
    1,814
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Since you think of yourself as at least bisexual, you can "come out" to him as such, and see how he responds. Since he appears to you to be affectionate to you, he will likely at least accept you and not reject you as a friend. This will also provide him the opportunity to come out to you if he is gay or bisexual; if he is not willing to do that, then he is unlikely to express an interest in you specifically at the present time. If he does have feelings for you, then you have given him the green light signal to express them, without taking the first step of expressing your feelings towards him, which he probably already thinks of as positive. The only question is whether you feel safe in coming out to him or not, with the possibility that this information about you may become more widespread around your school; that is something you will have to decide.