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I'm not sure what to do…

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by hdv22, Mar 17, 2014.

  1. hdv22

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    I'm new here so a little nervous about posting on here but would like to share my situation as I don't know what to do anymore!

    I have recently finally accepted myself that I am gay, its taken a long time! The thing is now I have finally accepted it I'm not feeling great. The thought that at some point I'm going to have to tell people scares me a lot. Im terrified to tell the truth, although I feel like I really do want to come out because it feels like still being in the closet is holding me back in life. I'm not exactly the most confident of people which I can't help but think is due to being bullied in high school over the prospect I might have been gay. (not sure i even knew in high school)

    Im 22 and would love a relationship or even just to put myself out there a little more but because people don't know I am gay I don't do anything as I'm worried people will find out. I tried speaking to some guys online but some weren't to down with the fact I wasn't out and it wasn't the best experience I ever had meeting people. (Well online at least!)

    Sometimes I think I may be able to find it in me to come out to one of my friends but then I get worried about what there reaction could be even though I'm sure it would all be ok. To be honest I think my Mum knows but is just waiting for me to come out with it.

    Its all starting to get me down a little and I'm not sure what to do anymore.

    Sorry to go on a bit, just needed to get it off my chest.

    Thank you
     
  2. Chiroptera

    Admin Team Full Member

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    Welcome to EC!

    You have already taken the first, huge step: you accepted yourself. Congratulations!

    You don't need to come out to everyone right now. Do it when you feel ready.

    Choose a person you feel it will be more supportive, or less likely to react badly. If you prefer, you may write a letter instead of coming out personally to the person you choose.

    Remember: There is no need to rush. Take your time to prepare yourself :wink:

    Good luck
     
  3. hdv22

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    Thank you, I certainly feel like I need some more time to prepare myself, I really don't want to rush into it.

    I'm a impatient person which doesn't help! :lol:
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    The hardest person to come out to is yourself, I really believe that and many other people on EC will tell you the same. The process of self acceptance can be long, painful and agonising and it takes some people years and years and years to get there. Coming out to yourself makes a difference to some people, but not others. I don't think it did for me; others needed to know before the burden really lifted and I felt truly liberated from that closet.

    Coming out to yourself is the hardest part, but that doesn't make it easy to come out to everyone else and it might take time and a few failed attempts. There is no right or wrong way though. I set a date and sat my parents, sister and best straight friend down for a big chat, but it drained me physically and emotionally each time and didn't get easier, so I changed tactic after coming out to my friend and now drop it into conversation that I'm gay. I don't make a big deal out of it and mention it in the same casual way as any other topic of conversation. In most cases that works fine for me.

    Some people begin the coming out process by dropping hints, others write things down in a letter or e-mail. Some people prefer to bring up the subject of being gay (maybe by mentioning a gay celebrity) and then lead it into the fact that they are gay too. Some brave people just bring their boyfriend or girlfriend along with them and say they are dating.

    Take your time and don't force yourself too soon. Consider what you want to do and bounce your ideas off us if it helps.. and let us know how things go so we can be here for you.
     
    #4 PatrickUK, Mar 18, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2014
  5. jonnemack

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    Dog said it all, sir.

    I am also not out at all and since high school I know I'm gay but only recently I am starting to not get worries about it and imagine how my life would be from now on.

    Think about two worlds.

    One is the closet, it may be your confort zone and where you feel safe and accepted by people around you. It's maybe the best option if you don't want to face your family or don't want to break any expectations.

    Second world is the outside one. Where you can be out and proud, be whoever you really are and don't care about it. Most people would say that in this world you find real happiness and can develop a relationship with the person you feel right to.

    Personally I accepted to live in a limbo between two worlds. My life from this year on will be a small comming out to friends and unknown people, leaving my family behind for some time until I am fully ready to come out to them. Bold words are important, that means, don't rush.

    Good luck, mister. Be yourself.
     
  6. hdv22

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    Thank you for your responses :slight_smile:

    Makes me feel a little better reading them. Still feel I have a long way to go in all this but feels good to finally get this stuff of my chest.

    Will keep you updated!