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How do I start the conversation?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LezBeFriends, Mar 17, 2014.

  1. LezBeFriends

    LezBeFriends Guest

    Okay so I know I'm going to come out soon(ish), and I know how the conversation is going to go(ish), but I have no idea how to start it. I'm not usually very communicative and to be quite frank I'm dreading this conversation. If I say "can we talk?" it's so uncomfortable! I don't think I've ever asked my parents, or anyone for that matter, that before so it's immediately going to be so intense. And that's the least intense conversation starter I've so far thought of! Gaahhhhhh, I'm freaking out right now! I DESPISE conversations like this I'm normally so relaxed and chilled out and ALSO I'm telling jokes all. day. long. so I'm also worried that they'll think I'm joking! There are so many possibilities and I don't like that. Hey that's given me an idea actually, what if I start the conversation with a classic pun? Or will that only make it seem more like I'm joking? Am I just over-thinking this? It wouldn't be the first time. Oh my God I'm having a meltdown, I apologise for this monstrosity, PLEASE HELP ME!? :tears:
     
  2. BookDragon

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    "So, you'll never guess who's gay!"

    Seriously.

    The conversation will go well or it won't, the least you can do is try and start it on a positive note. "Can we talk" is great if you know you're definitely going to get support, but it also puts you in this mindset that you NEED support. At least with that opener it's clear you are telling people because you CAN rather than because you need help.
     
  3. YuriBunny

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    You could try writing a note.
     
  4. Tetra

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    Well, we're in the same boat! I feel like my mom won't be surprised, considering the way I act/present myself. HOWEVER, I'm thinking about bringing up a conversation about gay rights, just to gauge her feelings (she's already told me them, anyways), and then I'll be like "well, I'm actually gay, so that's interesting". That way I don't have to have an intense discussion or anything.
     
  5. anaisninja

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    If it was me, since I'm an introvert, I'd tell one person at a time. Start with the safest, most likely to embrace-who-you-are friend or family member in your circle. After you've had the tearful hug of love and acceptance, ask that person how they think you should tell the rest of your friends and family. They after all, know you better than we do.

    PS - it's normal to be scared. I just went through this whole process and it's nerve wracking. I have the advantage of being older, so both of my parents are dead. Every single person I came out to was supportive, even my oldest, most formerly evangelical friend.

    And remember - you don't have to tell everybody. IMO, my coworkers are on a need-to-know basis, and I get to decide who needs to know. :slight_smile: I happen to work in a pretty liberal environment, in Seattle no less. But still, not every one of my coworkers needs to know my gd business. I didn't tell them all when I got divorced, why would I tell them all this? Anyway... enough about me. :wink:

    Congratulations! Good luck, and you are going to do fine. Let us know if you need more support.
     
  6. newfish

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    I came out sort of the awkward way. The first time, I literally spent like ten minutes stressing and the other person was kind of freaked out, although I think she maybe guessed what I was going to say. The second time, I kind of just spat out "I have to say something important that I might just spit out" and she had to tell me to calm down and talk slower. And the third time, to my sister, I started it, as I had the first couple times, with "I have something important to say." It's really awkward, but I guess it wasn't horrible.
     
  7. LezBeFriends

    LezBeFriends Guest

    This is brilliant, haha I've never thuoght of that! Thank you!

    ---------- Post added 18th Mar 2014 at 01:27 AM ----------

    Yeah this sounds pretty much like the way I'll end up doing things be default lol. hopeless, but thank you :slight_smile:
     
  8. GayCJ

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    Start talking with friends about crushes. With a jokey personality, it sounds right up your alley. When they ask who yours are, just say it. Then say that you are serious. When you present it unseriously then they are more likely to just say "Oh, OK. Cool."