Hello everyone, I have only quite recently accepted myself as being bisexual. I had put a lot of thought in it throughout the years, but I never had real 'proof' of it, or at least, I was oblivious to it. For the past several months, I have been confident of my sexuality, mostly because I fell in love with a girl. She is gone now though (had to move back to another country, long story) and I have made peace with that fact. More surprisingly so, I have now developed a crush on a guy. The problem is, I have some serious psychological issues (I am not yet diagnosed, but it is fairly certain I suffer from some form of a Personality Disorder) and that has been dominating my life for the past few years. I recently told my closest family members about my mental health issues and I've also told my close friends about it. I really want to come out to them as well, but then I feel like a huge attention-craving whore, because one could argue there is no reason for me to come out, as I am, at the moment, not in a relationship with someone of the same sex. It just seems like a huge pile of labels I put on myself towards others and I am afraid they will not take me seriously. I understand why someone would think I'm just trying to make myself seem 'special'. It's just that I am almost bursting because I am keeping this secret. I really want to tell my roommate/best friend (who is of the same biological gender as me, so it could also make things a little awkward), and I have been giving her a lot of hints lately. Also, I made an appointment to see my mother this Thursday, and I really want to come out to her as well. But is it really worth it right now? Should I wait? *sighs* I am just really looking forward to what you all have to say about this. Thanks in advance
I totally understand what you mean about it feeling like a pile of labels that you put on yourself with the thing going on about you possibly having a Personality Disorder. However, all of us have labels. For me, I'm a sister, daughter, student, etc... and I also happen to be bisexual. Those are my labels, and they are all an important part of who I am. You being bi does not define you but it is an important part of who you are. You cannot control that you are bisexual, and you cannot control whether you have a Personality Disorder. I have social anxiety and mild OCD, so I can empathize with you a bit on that front. Neither of those things are anything to be ashamed of. If you have some idea about what to expect from your friends and family when you come out and you know how to handle any results, then I'd say it's a good time to come out--because you are confident in your sexuality and you feel the need to share it. If you feel ready for that, then go for it. It should feel right and not forced--you will know if it's the right time. I totally understand that it feels like as bisexuals we don't really have any "reason" to come out. I find myself telling myself that all the time. However, that thread that was made earlier today regarding bisexuals coming out has a lot of great advice that I am going to try to listen to, and I'd definitely advise reading every post in there as well for encouragement on whether to come out as bisexual. Our feelings as bisexuals are no less valid than those who are straight or those who are gay. We are equal. We just happen to be attracted to both men and women. One thing I noticed recently is that while I have plenty of friends who are gay, I do not have any friends (that I know of) that are bisexual. Now, some of them may be closeted--there's no way to tell. But I think part of the reason that I cannot name anyone I know right off the bat that is bisexual is because of the very same pressure that we're talking about right now--that bisexuals have "no reason" to come out. That's an easy thing to feel but it is so not true. So I guess some of us just have to lead the way and come out, so that other bisexuals will see that their feelings are just as valid and that we have just as much right to come out as those who are gay or lesbian. I hope this helped! <3
Hi.I have an unclear diagnosis as well.How did people react about your mental health issues?How close are you and your mom?PS I have had a string of labels applied to me mental health wise,so I know how hard things can be(not a personality disorder yet though,but Aspergers,Bipolar,ADHD,OCD and a few others have been explored.Unfortunately I am no closer to an answer).If you and your mom are close and you feel that she might be able to accept it,then throwing subtle hints and seeing how she reacts might not be a bad idea.
Thank you for your great advice, it really made me feel more comfortable about myself My family and friends are generally very open-minded. The only thing I might be just a tad bit worried about is that my mother does not really believe bisexuality is real. But I am also of the opinion that I can change her mind Oh, believe me, I did! A lot of people in general think I might be a Lesbian, but then again... I had quite a few boyfriends in public. I've told my mother that there is more than just two sexualities and that I was figuring some things out myself (though she might have thought I was talking about my studies on sexuality and gender identity I do as a Psychology student) My mother was quite shocked, to be honest. Probably because I seem to live a near-to perfect life. I never had any trouble at school, graduated as one of the top of my country and got accepted into a society where only the top 5% students are accepted. I do well at University as well. But here's the thing: career and school are not your whole life. I might have Borderline Personality Disorder, but I never told my mother that one specific label. My close friends do know, though, and they were quite shocked as well, but very supportive. Other things I might be suffering from are some sort of Anxiety Disorder. I also get frequent panic attacks. The thing that shocked the most people though (not everyone I told about my mental problems knows this) is my self-harm. No one really expected that to happen. My mother, as I said, is very open-minded, I think bisexuality on itself would not be a big problem, but it's the combination of the things I am dealing with that worries me. But after reading all your comments, I am feeling the strength to do it If I do come out on Thursday, I will make a post of it, so... fingers crossed.
Hi.I know about BPD.I never had that many probs apart from some depression before I went on meds.Long story.But my body is used to medication now so I accept the fact that I have to take an antidepressant.The sad thing is the year before I went on meds was probably the best year of my life.Did really well at school.Got an above 80 percent average while hardly putting in any effort.My memory was exceptional.But it does not help to think about the past too much.I am where I am.Good luck with everything.Stay strong.
I'm glad I could help. My sister came out as pansexual recently and my mom believes it's a "stage" and that all my sister needs is for "a boy to sweep her off her feet" and then she will think she is straight. Despite that, she has said over and over that if my sister really is pansexual (of course she is, duh), it is okay and she accepts her and only wants her to be happy. I know in time she will see that being attracted to both genders is a real thing but I hope you see that even if she doesn't believe you at first, she can still be supportive of you She will see with time that you are really bisexual--don't let anything she says convince you that this is a stage or that it will go away. You are who you are and that is that! I personally think being attracted to both genders is an awesome thing and I'm starting to become proud of it.
It's good that she is supportive, even though she might think it's just a phase. But I agree, she will see that it's not eventually I came out to my roommate and my (lesbian) aunt today and it made me feel really comfortable about myself, as they were both very accepting. My aunt has given me some good advice and told me my mother's reaction when she came out to her. My aunt only recently started to fully understand the concept of bisexuality and is now fully supportive of bisexuals. It's really nice to hear how much she supports me for who I am and has the ability to joke around with me a little without making me feel stupid. She said that I should explore bisexuality, but that I should not feel stuck to this one label. If I feel at one point that I might be either just straight or just lesbian, I should not let the label of bisexuality stop me. Even though I am very certain of my sexuality, it's great to hear that she will support me, no matter what my sexuality is. She told me to call her on Thursday to tell me how my coming out towards my mom went. Even though if I decide to blow it off last minute, she will be there for me. I am glad I came out, I am much happier and relaxed now. I am at least done with hiding in my own house (with my roommate). It feels great.
That is awesome! I am so glad things went well for you today! It sounds like your aunt is an awesome source of support, especially since she can relate to you as a part of the LGBT community. If you do decide to come out to your mom on Thursday and you need someone to talk to, I would love to hear how it goes. I'm only a wall post away if you need to talk about it! I myself am thinking about coming out to my sister in the next few days.
I think it'd be a great idea to come out to your sister, as she will certainly understand (her being pansexual herself) I think she'll be able to provide support! I'll be very glad to let you know how it went! Thank you for your support. If you want to talk to me about anything, please feel free to do so
