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No1 seems interested in me when they find out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by aspie musician, Mar 17, 2014.

  1. So I have been told that I am good looking(still do not see why others say that)and there have been men and women interested in me.But everyone seems to have the hidden agenda of wanting me to identify as str8/gay.It really sucks.Big time.Being bi and a guy is even harder since there is that ''bisexuality only occurs in women'' type of thing going around.Or people ask me ''so which side do you prefer''.If I reply with it depends then immediately its ''your just confused but you will realize you are gay one day''.Well great,thats what I get for honesty.Then there are those that say ''why have you not had that many relationships then''.Maybe because people just seem interested in me for sexual purposes and want to change me.Ever thought of that?If I make sarcastic remarks then I am apparently disrespectful if I do not make any remark then I am in the closet.I told my ex that I am bi from the beginning.He could not accept it.I basically pretended to be gay to please him.When we broke up I told him that I am bi and that it is just the way I am.Apparently I was being unfair.I want my bread buttered on both sides and if he ''knew'' it then he would never have went out with me in the first place.Well thats just great.I gave more than enough signs before the time.Pity I had to be treated like a piece of meat though.So maybe someone comes along,maybe not.If I end up being single or only having short relationships for the rest of my life then so be it.I would love a long term relationship but I am not setting my hopes up.If it happens,it happens.If people are too closeminded then at least I know that I am being true to myself.That is the most important thing at the end of the day.
     
  2. thrnvlpidj

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    If you're in it for the long-term doesn't that redefine your orientation?

    (assuming monogamy)
     
  3. I do not see why bisexuals can not have a long term relationship.If in a relationship with a man/woman then that does not immediately make one gay/straight.I feel attracted to both sexes regardless of which gender I date.Either way that will probably never happen with me.

    ---------- Post added 17th Mar 2014 at 10:38 PM ----------

    And that is not specific.There are some bisexuals that have a long term relationship but have other sexual experiences on the side.In my opinion if both parties agree then thats cool.

    ---------- Post added 17th Mar 2014 at 10:43 PM ----------

    I fall in love with the person not the gender though.Whether its a man/woman that is not the issue.PS I am not saying I personally would have sexual relationships on the side it is just an example.Further on I find that even when I go through phases of being more interested in one gender than another there is always an attraction to both to some extent.

    ---------- Post added 17th Mar 2014 at 11:00 PM ----------

    So it is not really a question of preferring one gender over another.Its all about the person.Plus some people are a bit more fluid than most.There are times when all I see is guys and other times its the other way around.But regardless of hormone level changes,etc etc I always look at the person first.In my opinion there is nothing wrong with that.It is a gift(and I do not mean this in a religious sense).Its other people's misconceptions that make it so hard.I can understand it though.To some extent anyway.
     
  4. thrnvlpidj

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    Read a thread on bisexuals and am now less ignorant.

    However I would feel insecure that you would enter a phase of being interested in the other gender and thus end the relationship. But then there are hundreds of reasons for relationships to end.

    I suppose you wil have to educate potential partners as to what it means to be bisexual - more openness and honesty.
     
  5. Hi.No prob.Yeah,honesty is the best policy.I suppose I just get tired of explaining it to people all the time.But I understand people's reactions.I hope I did not come across as angry or annoyed or bitchy,because that is not the case.I suppose it is tricky for people to accept and understand.I feel a lot of guilt at times for being the way I am,for putting people in this position,etc.Then I get angry with myself for feeling guilty.But feeling better now.I am the way I am,no use fighting it.
     
  6. thrnvlpidj

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    I meant that bisexuals are better people, more open and honest.

    Lots of people in the forum with the same complaints, so I thought you sounded pretty normal.

    But we can all strive to be better, in some way. I need to be better posting my comments. I just realized you started the "reactions" post too!
     
  7. I would not say that bisexuals are ''better'' people although I have met some pretty cool ones. Thanks for the quote. It has significance to me today. Striving to be better- what I need to do is focus on being less self-critical of myself and just be. Just love, live ,accept myself, go with the flow.
     
  8. GayCJ

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    I'm going to add to Adric's advice and say that everybody has their strengths and weaknesses. Maybe you just haven't found your strength yet.
     
  9. White Knight

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    People even think gayness is cureable so for bisexuality for them must be some kind of joke. Some like me have very bad experiences with bi-people. Some probably feel they are too unpredictible, you know what if they desire opposite gender thing.

    As humans we love to put labels/stereotypes on people. In the end of the day only important person in your life is yourself. Being selfish might be a good thing but sometimes it is the only thing you can hold on.

    If someone judging you only by your sexual identity label without even trying to know you, it is their lost. Be true to yourself and happiness will find you. That is one of my foolish mottos to live by.

    Hugs.