Recently I came out as being trans to my fiancée and it's been a crazy emotional ride for me. She's been so supportive about it and I love her. Anyways, she noticed that I've never actually said out loud, or even typed it really. She's right, I can't. I have absolutely no problem saying I am female, or being myself around her, but I realized that I do have issues saying I'm trans. Why is that?
I do not understand what it means to be trans*, but I know when I first came to term that I am question my sexuality I couldn't say it either. I was extremely vague, and made people put the pieces together themselves with the hints that I was giving. It took a couple of weeks before I could even say that I was questioning.
I know that for me, I had a hard time saying it out loud because I was scared about what others would think of me. At one point, I was scared of even admitting it on here. I was scared that it would change their entire opinion of me (even if they already knew that I was trans..). There is a lot of shame associated with being different from what society calls "normal". I think that this make it hard for us to admit our feelings out loud. One thing that helped me was to try to say it while alone, or standing in front of a mirror. The more I practiced saying it, the more comfortable I became at saying it.
I don't really know what advice to give you but I understand how you feel. I have a really hard time saying out loud that I'm bi. I think when you say it out loud to someone you know, it feels more real than when you just type it or something. It's weird but I have a really hard time saying that sort of thing out loud too. I'm sure it will get better in time as you grow into your real identity and get used to things, and hopefully the same will happen for me!
Hi I hate saying, "I'm gay" to people I barely know, even then I just don't like saying it. I think it's more a fear of what people think of me that causes it - for me at least.
