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telling my dad

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by mkchoco, Mar 20, 2014.

  1. mkchoco

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    Hi guys
    I've been trying to come out to my dad for about a month now. I made this booklet with pictures like Holly from rookie blue saying "i mean i'm a lesbian" or Santana from glee saying "I love girls" (btw so happy about the Brittana in the 100th episode! anyone else with me? :eusa_danc). It also has responses to questions I'm expecting so basically this book does it all for me. I'm pretty sure he will be ok with it but I don't want to do it because he irritates me. He definitely knows that i am gay so he says things like "why do you two have to do it together? are you two in love or something? i mean you two are always talking." (about my best friend and me. We talk constantly but we are definitely not in any sort of romantic relationship. Her birthday is just a few days after mine so i was asking if we could have a birthday party together.)

    He also says other things but the more he says them, the less i want to talk to him and the less I want to tell him. I think he might mean well but every time he says something like that, it just irritates me further.

    I actually got really close to telling him last week. My dad was working at the computer and he went to the bathroom. I was in my room practicing violin when I heard the bathroom door shut and I thought for a minute "This is your chance, no one else is home. Just leave it at the computer where he'll find it." So I ran out and put the bright orange booklet on the table and started practicing again. I heard him come back into the room and I started shaking, waiting for him say "Maria what is this?" or something of the sort. A few minutes later, lo and behold he says "Maria, honey, can you come here please?". Out of all my violin performances (competitions, recitals, concerts, all of it) this was the most nerve wracking thing ever. So I go out and I see he hasn't touched the (I emphasize again) BRIGHT ORANGE thing sitting next to his computer and I feel relieved and upset at the same time. He just wanted to ask me about summer camp stuff. I managed to slip my coming out book out of the room and hid it in my room again, where it is still waiting to be read. It's just something about him not noticing it just really bothers me. I know he doesn't know that that book has my biggest secret in it and that I'm upset at him not noticing it (because it was scary for me to even put it there and he didn't notice it) but for some reason I still feel like he should have known to look at it.

    anyways, that ended up longer than I expected...


    Does anyone have any ideas for what I should do?
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    You say a few minutes passed after he came back into the room, before he called you to ask about summer camp; in that time are you absolutely sure he didn't look at the book? Asking about summer camp may have been his way of keeping it cool and not making any fuss about what he'd just read??
     
  3. Audeamus

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    My friend came across I button I had stating proudly "LESBIAN" with many rainbows on it. He picked it up, looked at it, put it back down, and went back to work. He read it, he knew it was mine but he was choosing to ignore it. (I thank G-d that he has a shitty memory and chose to forget)

    If your dad does not want to know. Then even if he had read the bright orange pamphlet (and I have no doubt that he did), He is choosing to ignore it. It is a massive form of denial.
     
  4. White Knight

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    I don't think he ignores it. His remarks about your best friend can be his way of playing cool.

    Man are like that. Some like to act everything is normal instead of talking things over. That doesn't mean they are ignoring that, they are just don't want to make you uncomfortable.

    Women kind are the nosey ones. :grin: (/joke)
     
  5. Audeamus

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    Dang. Opinion from a man, can't refute that.

    Although, I do believe it was my biology professor that counted woman's "nosiness" among leftover evolutionary traits need to protect our kids. Can't remember how THAT fit in but it did.

    Sorry mkchoco, I don't have any idea if whiteknight's idea is correct or not. I am not around men that much.
     
  6. mkchoco

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    Thank you guys for your responses!
    That makes sense. I guess I just expected him to say something especially because he's always telling me I can talk to him about anything.

    Do you think I should just not say anything about it until I inevitably bring a girl home?
     
  7. Tectonic

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    So he walks away for a minute, your music stops, he comes back, but now there is this mysterious orange booklet sitting there that wasn't there a minute ago. How would he have not looked at it?

    I think you should just ask him if he looked at your booklet.