So as I'm typing this, I'm writing a letter and my parents are waiting, and will read it as soon as I finish it. I couldn't talk to them as the words didn't want to come out... It's the first time I come out as Bi and I'm super nervous... I hope I don't make any mistake and I can't believe this is happening. Include me in your prayers...
I've had to write a letter before to my parents (for a different reason). It's the best way to organize your thoughts without having the other person interrupt. I hope it goes well, I'm praying for you!
Good luck! I think writing a letter is a good way to do it. Like this, you give them the time to digest it a little/calm down a little before talking. It can help them to react in a more rational way and to avoid saying things they later on regret.
So I did it. This is the letter I wrote: "Don't worry, nothing's wrong with me. But believe me, I'm extremely nervous as I'm writing this, it's not easy to share this for the first time. What is happening is just a feature of mine that I have come to accept for many years. It cost me to admit. Initially I tried to change, but I realized that was impossible. I hope you realize this is not an option, It wouldn't make sense to choose this when it's such a criticized and made fun of topic. The fact is that I like people, no matter woman or man...you can say I'm bisexual. I remain the same, haven't changed anything on my personality and I keep being your son who loves you and have always loved you. Sorry for not telling you earlier, but I've always feared your reaction, your judgment, not accepting the way I am and try to change me...and I never had the opportunty to know what is your honest opinion on this topic, perhaps I was afraid, but the truth is..the little I heard of you was never exactly a sign of understanding. However, you always taught me that I should always live my inner truth and don't let anybody make decisions for me or have to change because of other people, which gave me some strength to believe that maybe I could have your support. At the moment, all I ask your support and your acceptance, even if it takes time. I repeat that this is not a lifestyle choice, for years I prayed that I could change this way of being, or trying not to think about it , but it did not work. This is who I am. I even thought of my position in relation to our religion, and probably because of that I haven't gone to the Church so frequently... but I also have noticed the God I believe as a God of love, pure love , where there is room for each to express freely without interfering in other's lifes, and at the same time fulfilling His Laws and living in Him. This is the God I believe and intend to continue believing. I do not want this to change anything. I just wish you could continue to accept me the way I am and love me as you always have until now, it would be the best birthday gift you could have... Whatever your position, I still love you ... always." They read the letter in silence and then we spoke for nearly 3 hours. My dad was super supportive and said that I shouldn't have kept this for so long since I was suffering and I should have told them before. He feels a bit guilty because he feels like his masculine presence on my early life could have been more marked. My mom said she already suspected because of the hints I've been giving once in a while. She seemed a bit disappointed and admited that she doesn't really know how to deal with this and she'd prefer I dated a woman instead of a man because that's the "natural course of life", yet she loves me regardless and will learn to accept whatever the future has to offer me. However, she wants me to see a psychologist to boost my self-confidence, since I should have been able to talk about this instead of writing a letter; I accepted, but I made it clear that the psychologist may change my self-confidence, but never the way I am. Also they want this to remain a secret, as this is personal and they feel like I shoudln't just tell my friends out of nothing, since it wouldn't change anything, it would be attention-calling atitude, and they'd probably tell other people as well. Despite they disagree with me, I told them this isn't supposed to be a calling for attention, just to clarify a misconceived ideia they might have and be true about myself. They also think I might be confused... Right now I'm feeling relieved but a bit weird at the same time. I wonder if I have their support If I find a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend... Maybe I should have found one before saying anything. Anyway, thank you for your support, I still can't believe I did it!
I'm happy for you! it was a great letter and your parents reaction was good also! I hope that you'll live your life less worried about being bisexual now
Congrats! Some of you guys on this site are amazing -- I'm so impressed when people say "I'm coming out today" and follow through and actually do it. I'm glad it went so well for you!
Wow, congratulations! No, it is not a lifestyle choice, but it is not something to be ashamed of either. In an ideal, non-judgemental, fair world it would not make a difference if one was hetero, bisexual, gay... It is understandable that parents would prefer their children to live a "standard" life. But also being bisexual or gay is natural, 5-10% of all people are naturally LGBT. Doesn't it feel great to be out and to know that your parents still love you? Writing a letter instead of telling them face to face is, in my opinion, not necessarily a sign for a lack in self-confidence. Seeking counselling might be a good thing. Just make sure that the psychologist is LGBT friendly and not trying to "convert" you. Yeah, my mum also asked me not to tell it anybody. Do you know the five stages of grieve (Kübler-Ross: 1 Denial, 2 Anger, 3 Bargaining, 4 Depression, 5 Acceptance)? So asking you not to tell it anybody is clearly bargaining. Of course, sooner or later, you will want to tell this all your friends. In the end the purpose of coming out is to be able to live an authentic live in self-confidence and not having to hide anything. You were very courageous and deserve our respect :eusa_clap! I remember how relieved but also how anxious I felt when I came out to my mom - I knew that this was the start of a big journey with many unknowns. But believe me, it DOES get better. And, you can still prepare them once you have a boyfriend. For the moment, just make sure that the discussions with your parents continue, YOU will have to force them now and them, as most parents will not visit the topic on their own.
Jack, your letter was brilliantly expressed! Putting your thoughts on paper first was a good idea. Now that you have cleared that first hurdle, it should start to become easier to be more verbal with others if you choose to.
Thanks everyone! Haha! Thank you :icon_wink I send you the strongest hug for you to do it as well :icon_bigg Thank you so much for all your support (*hug*) I hope things get better from now on... Lets see what happens when I meet the psychologist, It's the first time I'm meeting one.
I'm proud of you! Don't let anything your parents say make you feel ashamed of who you are. I think we give ourselves a hard enough time on our own without worrying what anyone else says. I can empathize with you because my mom has been less than accepting of me as well since I came out Thursday.
Thank you, and be strong as it has been said, she's probably in her denying phase.. To a1rborne: I forgot to say on my other reply, but I really lack confidence sometimes and I'm an anxious person, so maybe the Psychologist can help me on that. I'll be attentive to his opinion towards LGBT though If he is supportive, I think my mom (or even both parents) should probably talk to him as well...maybe even more than me.
Do you mind if I ask how old are you? It's been over a year since I came out to myself and I feel like I can't hide from my parents any longer. I was actually thinking of writing a letter almost the same as yours. And I cried/ teared up reading your letter.
I'm 22. Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it You can use whichever words/sentences you like, I'd be an honour to make this letter useful for other people to come out. I think it's essencial to know there are more people in the same situation as ourselves and be able to talk and share experiences with them - it can be a an irrepleaceble strength, especially when we can't express our feelings otherwise. I wish you the best luck on your letter and truly hope you receive your parents' support. Lets us know how it goes, I'll be supporting you! Strong hug! (*hug*) PS: I went to the Psychologist today. It was really nice, but we didn't talk about sexuality yet...so I don't know his opinion on LGBT. Let's see how it goes next week!
I agree with A1rborne. One thing to add to that...the "natural way" would be the sexual orientation you were born with, and going against that would be unnatural. There's a whole natural fallacy thing on this though, so the "natural" line of reasoning is not a solid argument at all. Anyways, beautiful letter!
Thank you so much. It's always encouraging for me to see positive outcomes for people who are in the same boat as me. I'll keep you and the site updated if/ when it happens.
