If any of you know me, then you know I've been gone for a few months. There are reasons to this, but I'd just like to say that everyone who's helped me through things on here, you've helped me so much. None the less, I've found myself lost again. Lost in the confusion of middle school coming to an end and not knowing what to do with myself, and lost with my friends and family's thoughts about me. My mother, father, and close family (including siblings) are well aware and accept that I am gay. My friends however, I change on. Friends are the people you truly tell everything to. Friends are the people who pressure you to do things or not to do things. Friends are the people who are always there for you and the people you know you can always talk to no matter what where they won't be disappointed in your or ashamed to be your friend. My friends are different. A few weeks ago, one of my close guy friends (Let's call him C) invited me to a weekend-long church service called DNow (Disciple now) at his church. At first I scorned the request but what he said to me changed my mind. I don't remember what he said though. So I decided to tag along and I must say it was a very emotional experience. But now my friends all think that I'm straight and quite frankly I don't know if I am or not. One of my close friends (J, we'll say) got baptized that Wednesday at the 12Stone church near us where I attend almost every wednesday. It was a happy time but also very emotional for everybody. A family member of mine and a few friends were saved and everybody cried. I'm lost. I'm trying to convince myself I'm not gay and doing a terribly pitiful job at it because deep in my heart I know I am. My family knows I am, but why is it so hard for my friends to accept it? Please help. I hate being lost and I can't seem to find my map. ~Jess :tears:
One of the things that I learned and have held close to my heart since I was young is this "God makes no mistakes." If God made you, and made you gay, then you are perfect the way He made you. Humans can make mistakes. Humans are much lesser beings than God. Humans can misinterpret the love of God and put all kinds of conditions on that love. Humans can then chose to only follow the conditions they wish to follow and consider themselves right with God but scorn others who follow other conditions. "You are GAY? God no longer loves you. Even though I am wearing cloth of mixed fibers and eating shellfish and those around me have failed to stone me for it, I am still okay." All those things are from Leviticus. All are equal sins with equal punishment but most people focus on only the anti-gay part. By the way, MAN wrote those rules while attempting to understand the love of God. Yes, I am sure God wants us to strive to be better. I am sure He wants us to do as Jesus told us and love and care for each other, to treat each other as we would treat Jesus Himself. Do I believe God would make a person gay and then condemn that person for being gay? I cannot believe that. It would make God a cruel and petty creature and that just is not God. Do I believe that man, often a cruel and petty creature, could misinterpret God's message and stain it with their own prejudices, fears, weaknesses, and failures? Oh, so very much yes. Being Christian, seeking a relationship with God, wanting to be a better person, all these things are wonderful and I wish you well in them. Using religion, God, Jesus, the Bible to beat yourself up or to have others beat you down is just wrong. God is love. God wants you to be lifted up. God wants you to enjoy the life He has blessed you with. I know you feel friends are people who are always there for you. I think you are thinking of REAL and TRUE friends. Lifetime friends. I am not trying to be mean in saying this, just honest. At 13 most of the friends you have now will not be there in ten years, or twenty. A few may. A few good, kind, supportive, accepting friends that earn your trust and respect and who's trust and respect you earn in return may make it throughout your lifetime. What you are going through right now with them putting some kind of condition on your friendship or pressure on you to be other than you are does not show them as being the kind of friends to last a lifetime. It is hard to realize and deal with the fact that sometimes we outgrow our friends. That life leads us down different paths. Maybe you can enlighten your friends and help them understand that being a true friend means accepting a person for who they are instead of trying to change them. Maybe you can teach them that trying to force someone to be other than who they are is hurtful and harmful. Maybe they will learn and grow and become better friends. Or, maybe, you will learn that you feel a whole lot better around people who accept you for who you are. That being yourself is what you are meant to be and being loved and accepted for it is what you deserve. You say that you know in your heart that you are gay. You say your family accepts that and supports you. Knowing who you are, having family accept and support you, those are BIG things. There are people on here who are being tortured by their own parents for being gay. Remember to stop and count that blessing and gain strength from it. Build on that. Then build on the fact that a TRUE friend would do the same for you. They would be there for you, for who you are, and accept you and support you without pressuring you to change. If your friends cannot and do not do that for you then you need to see that the fault is in them, not in you.
Thank you for that wonderful reply, it truly helped a lot. I'm kind of at a loss of words for what to reply but I will without doubt take as much as I can from what you said. All I really can say is thank you, thank you so very much
