coming out story

So, i guess it is finally time to tell someone my story it took place about 4 years ago.

when i was 14 years old, i started to notice that i was different from everyone else. I did have the sexual attraction to females and i started to look more and more at guys. I didnt know what i was doing but i did know that i was different. Even though i was 14, it had been drilled into my head that being different was not conductive to an easy life.

Between the ages of 14-16, my sexual orientation started to take on a defined shape and size. I knew that i was gay and that i had to try my hardest to deny it and push it aside. I got a girlfriend at the age of 16 and in a last ditch effort to convince myself that i was straight, i decided to ask her to marry me. I was holding a steady job and planned to join the military after i graduated high school. She said yes and that we both wanted kids in the future so we both thought 'why not now?' I was young and dumb and didnt know any better. So we had sex and she got pregnant, she miscarried the first time. We tried again. This time she miscarried again. We tried one more time and this time she did NOT miscarry.
She was about 5-6 months into her pregnancy and we had already know that the baby was a little boy. I was happy to see that my life was turning around and that i may actually be able to be normal (in my eyes). Then i noticed that she was being distant and started losing weight. I thought that maybe she was going on a diet. Then, one day, she didnt come to school.... I called and texted but still no response. I was starting to worry.
After school, i went to her house and her grandmother answered the door and said that her and her mother were in the hospital. She took me up there and i had found out that she had PURPOSELY been starving herself to try and miscarry the child. She did not want a kid anymore and decided to take this into her own hands. I lost my baby boy because she was malnutriated (Not a word) and caused the miscarriage. I was furious. I ran out of there saying that i did not want to see her again. That is when the realization hit me (No offense to anyone)

"Why would i want to be with someone or even a gender who would do this to my unborn son?"

At the time, this is what it took for me to flip and say that i was gay. That next day, i told my mother that i was gay. She did not cry, she did not yell... she looked at me and said, "I knew you were baby. since you were 13. You did not like the same things as most guys your age would and it was only confirmed as you got older." i gave her a weird look but was happy that she accepted me. My father on the other hand was not so receptive. When i told him, he disowned me.... we stopped talking and hanging out like a father and son should. I got depressed and then the 'dark ages' started:

From 16-17.5 years of age, i was promiscuous and just trying to get all of the pent up rage out of me.

I have been engaged one other time form 17.5-20.5, to a great guy, but i decided that i would not be happy with him for the rest of my life so i ended it.


Now i am dating a great guy and have been for a month. I can see myself with him and i hope that he can see the same thing.


MORALS and ADVICE:

1. When coming out to family, it is best to start with the parent that you believe will take it great and be supportive.
2. When telling your friends. Start with your closest and work your way out until you think that most people know.
3. Do NOT deny who you are. You will just end up in a bad place and unhappy in the end.
4. If met with adversity, find a support system that can always lift you up. This road is not easy and networking is the best thing you can do.
5. There will be bad people out there who will actively seek to see you fail. Turn the other cheek to them and prove the WRONG!!!!!!


I hope you find this informative, encouraging, and insightful.