Hiya, I have been thinking for a while about sexuality, and right now I'm not really sure about what I am (bi?). I am totally fine with this, and I know my whole family will be totally supportive. However, one of my very best freinds, who in am super close with, is always calling things 'so gay' , and recently made a remark about Tom Daley, saying ' I touched him once, before I knew he was a bi'. A bi? What does that even mean? Like it is something awful, like a disease! I am a really strong believer in gay rights, even before I started thinking about myself, and always tell her off when she says ' so gay ' but usually I just pass it off as her trying to be cool and fit in, as everyone says this. Today though, her sentence about Tom really threw me, I never expected her to say something so rude! I am a really cuddly person, and we have always been very close physically too (nothing rude! Just like not really self conscious and as I said I am cuddly) so I am quite worried about this: if it turns out I am bi, she would be the first person I would want to talk to, but what if she thinks I fancy her, and the friend-y-ness was flirting (which it really wasn't!). Worse still, I am worried she will be weirded out. Do you think she is homophobic? And what will she think if I am bi? P.s we are still only young teenagers (*hug*) all innocent :3
I think what you really need to do first before you even think about telling her about your sexuality is to sit her down and really confront her issues with homosexuality. It could be just that she doesn't understand exactly what she's saying and how it is offensive, in which case i mean, you'll just have to break it down for her and make her realise what she's saying really implies. If i was in your position, what i would do is i would take steps towards opening her eyes up to different sexual orientations next time she says something that's offensive and go from there. Good luck xxx
I will be the first to admit that sometimes I'm guilty of saying thing like "That's so gay!!!" (much exclamation for many frustrating moments) I think I grew up with my peers saying it before I realised I was gay so it rubbed off on me. Without being completely 100% sure I think I do it very little if at all now. What I'm saying with that, I wouldn't let it compel me to completely confirm someone is homophobic because of that remark. Obviously whether you dislike it a little/a lot or are completely offended by it is personal feelings. I can't even fathom the Tom Daley comment. Doesn't even make sense to me because as you said what the meaning behind the "a bi" comment. As you said, you're all young still and it could be naivety. The thing is Lizzie (I presume that's your name by your username), you're still questioning yourself by the sound of it. Unless you feel compelled to, there's no need to rush into coming out. I have a similar fear that if I come out to my best friend, that he'll suspect I want him more as a friend as still haven't come to a solution to that. Coming out to someone can be stressful for not only you, but also the person on the receiving end. It can be a lot to take in and if we're talking 13-year olds, more unpredictable I expect. People here will tell you that if they don't accept you for who you are, then they are not a good friend, but I feel your pain with regards not wanting to lose friends. I really hope you find out that your friend is perfectly happy with all orientations.
I agree with the others. I used to say things like "that's so gay" and "that's retarded," but I know better now. I stopped saying those things after maturing and realizing just how offensive those remarks are. If she doesn't let up on it, maybe it's time to start up the phrase "that's so straight" to get on her nerves :icon_wink.
