I need to get BACK in the closet

Hey. I know this situation sucks, and I know this is actually the most clichéd argument against suicide, but I'm gonna say it because it's true and more people need to be aware of this. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I mean, could you even consider it a solution? A solution has a positive resolution, but suicide is just... an end. You won't know how things worked out, if things worked out. Also, you're 16; meaning you're either in the 11th or 12th grade right? High school's nearly over! In uni, I don't think anyone cares about your sexuality. I mean, not in this day and age. Even if there are a few asswads who make a big deal about it, you don't have to deal with them. You don't! No one has time for that shit, but it's hard to ignore douches when the hallways are narrow and everyone knows everyone else. It's suffocating. But you can breathe soon. There's gonna be the freshest fucking air you've ever breathed in only a little bit, so don't stop... being.

P.S: I don't think you can return to the closet, though I can't imagine why you would want to. Just think about how much harder it would be to come out again, what with the suspicion there and everything. I wish I could come out to my mom, at least. She's the last person I can tell.

 

Hey there,

Sorry to hear that you're in a difficult spot right now, but keep talking to all of us here on EC, we are here to help you. Things seem tough right now, and although none of us are in your situation, take comfort in the fact that many of us have also been in tough situations and can empathise with what you're going through. Suicide is a terrible option to take - if you stick it out there is every chance that things will improve and that you will one day be happy. But with suicide, there is absolutely no chance that things can improve, no chance for future happiness. It is also important to think about how suicide affects those around you - the grief and heartache it will cause others, and how they will be affected for the rest of their lives.

If going back in the closet is what you need to do then that is a perfectly reasonable option, especially if it stops you from contemplating suicide as a realistic option. There are many years ahead of you to come out, so don't put too much pressure on yourself at the moment. Maybe try and focus on other things, take your mind off of your sexuality and the whole coming out process.

It is also good to think that the world has changed, and is still changing - it is definitely a different world now than it was a few decades ago. People are a lot more accepting of homosexuality these days and things are only going to improve. Of course there will always be people that say bad things about gay people, but you mustn't pay any attention to them - if anything you should take pity on them that they are such bigoted and bullying people - you really don't need to pay any heed to what they say.

I hope you start to feel better and keep talking to us - we are here to help

 

Yes. Do keep talking to us.

I agree with the others have the best situation is for you to stay out, however I think we do need to pay attention to the fact that you do want advice on going back in. It's understandable that this is your wish, since you're facing a pretty difficult home environment. The complication of having your mother working at the school is throwing an unanticipated spanner in the works of a normal school-coming out.

If things are really bad, maybe it is best to go back in. Could you possibly say to your female friends that it was a joke? Teenagers are apt to say all kinds if things and then go back on them. This would of course be dishonest, but sometimes your own safety, it's necessary. Your mother sounds like as - the poster above said – she's covering her fundamental dislike of gay people and gayness with false notions of concern. She must know that the world has changed massively since the 1960s. Any so-called concern for the environment you face, in 2014, has to be met with extreme scepticism.

Tell us more about your mother's beliefs on gay people. Do you think she could come around in a few months? Because if it all possible, it is best to stay out. Talking to your guidance counsellor, a mental health professional, social services, or any school authority sounds like a good bet in this situation. Also, staying out will help you get and keep supportive friends, something that will be good in the long run.

 

Hi. How many people did you come out to at your school? Have they gone around and told everyone or are they keeping it to themselves? When you are 16 everything is magnified out of ALL proportion and you have crazy hormones going on all over the place; i can therefore understand why you have maybe had suicudal thoughts it is probably because of the OVER WHELMING nature of it all. Please be assured it wont always be this difficult/painful; there is a light at the end of the tunnel; you just have to keep travelling.... But suicide is NOT a sensible idea; i dont know you but i am sure you have many; many things to live for. You list that you only have two options; surely if you think about there are more possible scenarios? Its rare that things are either completely black and white.

 

There really is no going back, and suicide is not a fix. It's important to be safe, especially if you live in an area that is harder on gay folks, but you really need to sit down and talk with your mom. Be frank. Ask for advice from her if she's accepting of it and is only stressed because she's worried for your safety.

I lived in a bad area of Florida when I was a teenager and outed in the 90s. I had my life and safety threatened and even worse beyond that, but at the same time, I was so desperate for someone to accept me, I wasn't careful. Figure out who your allies are and RELY on them. True friends will be there for you.