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I think I want to come out...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by hdv22, Mar 27, 2014.

  1. hdv22

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    I posted on here a few weeks ago explaining that I want to come out to people but I cant because I'm scared of the outcome.

    I have found the last couple of weeks hard because all I have thought about is being gay and what life will be like when I eventually come out to people. But with the stress that I've put myself through with it recently its made me think a lot and I think, just maybe I might be able to tell my best friend.

    I will see her in about 2 weeks time (we live 4 hours away from each other) so I'm almost planning it like an event on the calendar. By then I'm hoping to have talked myself 100% into doing it. I'm not sure but I think I may feel a little better if I can tell someone who I'm sure will be fine with it and I can talk to about it.

    My question is what is the best way of going about the conversation? I mean I'm a random person but not sure I want to just suddenly go 'Hey, just to tell you I'm Gay'

    Any pointers anybody can give would be great and appreciated. Like I say I'm not 100% sure I'm going to do it yet but just thought I'd get some advice. The stress of my situation is taking over my life at the moment :icon_sad: and people know something is up especially my parents. They keep asking what wrong and I just have to use the 'I'm just tired' excuse.:sleep:

    Thanks
     
  2. King

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    No matter how you say the new will be a shock (even if she suspects).

    I personally blurted out 'I'm gay', but I am not a wordy character in person. Perhaps you could say how you have feelings for some lads you know, or comment on that you find a person on TV handsome and attractive or not, or mention gay celebrities like Tom Daley or Paul O'Grady.

    You could write it down or send the message electronically or by text if you wish.

    If your friend is understanding, which she probably is as you are close friends and you clearly trust her, then just tell her and don't delay it or make up excuses not to tell her.

    I find that telling people made me more comfortable being gay, perhaps the same will happen to you and you may meet someone on a dating app or website if you are partially out, or recommendations from friends who know single straight men etc.
     
    #2 King, Mar 27, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2014
  3. Radioactive Bi

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    It can be hard to do. I remember it driving me crazy to the point of bursting. I kind of just blurted it out in the end, when I came out as bi to my mother. She was giving me a lift home and I just kind of tried to steer a conversation that way, fumbling as I went.

    If you are going to tell your friend, make sure you are somewhere comfortable and relaxed. Think about what you are going to say. I think I rehearsed something a few times, although it didn't come out quite as I planned :slight_smile:

    Try not to worry too much. If they are a real friend, they will be accepting and understanding and if you do decide to go ahead with it, you'll feel a real weight lifted of your shoulders and can really live your live true to who you are.

    Hope all goes well with whatever you decide to do. :slight_smile:
     
  4. blueberrymuffin

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    It sounds like you can't keep this up. Planning it in such a way is possibly worse because the moment will come and you'll feel incredible pressure ("I've waited all this time and if i don't say it now there goes my chance for weeks more"). Think of all the good that can come from being open about it. Being gay can be a wonderful thing, but *only* if you're not hiding it.

    Given that others notice the stress you're under, once you do tell them, if they have any compassion at all they will reflect on this time and give you the support you clearly need. If anyone does give you grief, after all they've seen you struggle, they're simply bastards. They aren't worth keeping as friends or letting the criticism get to you. So i know it's difficult, but it will be *much* easier for you to come out if you can put out of your mind (as much as possible) fear of how others might react. There's also the possibility they suspect it already, and you're stressing and putting it off for nothing.

    So! How do you actually go about it? You should be true to yourself for one. If you're a long-winded person, consider a long speech or letter. You're kind of random? There's all kind of ways you could do it. You could broach a general gay related topic (if you lived in my state for instance, the asshole governor just appealed the marriage equality court ruling - so you could ask their opinion on that and then conclude with you think you might be gay). You could leave some uncertainty just to give them time to adjust - "I've been feeling kind of confused lately like i might be attracted to guys somewhat. I don't know if it's a phase or just certain guys or i might be gay. I hope you can understand."

    In the end, you cannot allow it to take over your life. Come out soon, allow it to become only a part of your identity - find new hobbies if it helps. Go to your new support about crushes, to vent when needed or just small discussion. You'll find it's such a relief to not have to keep this all to yourself.
     
  5. hdv22

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    Thank you for your posts :slight_smile:

    I've been thinking about it today and feeling more and more like I can do it. Feel a little pathetic that its taking me this much to gear myself up to tell her but I think that's just me!

    I have a feeling she wont be surprised, I'm actually shocked she hasn't asked me if I am gay. I think the best way for me to do it is face to face a I will see her reaction which I'm sure will be a good one but it will make me feel more reassured everything is ok I hope!

    I still very pretty stressed over the thought of it but hoping if I can find it in me to tell her, that stress will go.

    The thing is if I tell her I don't want anybody else to know yet although I completely trust her to keep it a secret. I am somebody who worries a lot and I have a feeling I would worry other people would find out :confused:
     
  6. CharlsOn

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    You can make that!! The feeling after doing it is pretty awesome!! That's worth all the worries and toughts before:grin:
     
  7. AJ2014

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    Its hard but I did it by wrting it down explaining it to my mates but Im not a talky person. Its going to be a shock just do what you think is best if they are really your friend im sure they will understand