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Coming out as a couple--advice please

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by partietraumatic, Jul 21, 2008.

  1. partietraumatic

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    Heya everbody!!

    OK,well im new on here-have only just registered. Basically im a 17yo bisexual/gay,im in a relationship with this guy at my school and we've been going out like 4months now and its amazing-we are truely in love with each other :slight_smile::slight_smile::slight_smile:

    He isnt exactly out, but everybody kinda knows/assumes he is gay, so we were at a party together and i was pretty drunk (its not unusual :icon_wink ) and i ended up telling him im gay-which was the first person ive ever told. We stayed up all night talking, which i enjoyed greatly...and anyway long story short, not long later we ended up as a couple and have had a great time being together, he really is the best thing in my life.

    People have begun to comment on how much time we spend together, and along with the fact that that everyone knows hes gay and that ive never had a girlfriend lol, i think our friends are starting to suspect something. But im not sure about coming out as a couple--hes worried about negative attention at school, and im a bit apprehensive too.

    Really what im wondering is, does anybody have any experience of this type of thing? also is it worth it....our relationship works prefectly as it is..i love him,he loves me and we spend plenty of time together..i know people say its better to be 'out', but when its going so well already is it worth jepordising that?

    Any advice would be welcome thanyou xxxx
     
  2. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    If you feel ready I would come out. It could only strengthen your relationship with him and if your friends are truly your friends they will support you!

    Best of luck.
     
  3. Mirko

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    Hi and welcome to EC!

    Although I do not have any experience with a situation like this, I would say go with what ever you feel comfortable with. It sounds to me as if you are not ready to come out as a couple yet. Take your time with it. There is no rush. If you think that some of your friends are suspecting something let them suspect. It is important that you come out to your friends when you feel ready.

    Hope this helps!
     
  4. If you really feel like people are suspecting it, and you think they'll have a problem, I would come out. I think it's better to come out than to be outed. But it's up to you. Talk to your boyfriend about it and see what he thinks. ~megan~
     
  5. partietraumatic

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    tbh its not our friends that are the problem-im certain they would be completely cool with it,its more other people at school who we arnt friends with so they might say things. I think my bf is more worried about it than me, and im not going to do anything without him being 100% comfortable with it. I don't think its a huge problem-its hasnt got in the way of 'us' so far. Another issue is it kinda affects me coming out,because if i do people will really start assuming we are together, or if not they will start saying things like 'well youre both gay so why don't you hook up' which will make it more uncomfortable lol....i have once kinda broached the subject with him and he sounded reallly negative about it, and as i say im not gonna do anything that he wouldn't want
     
  6. Mirko

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    Given that you are concerned about what other people might say if you do come out, is perhaps an indication that you are not ready to be out as a couple. I do think you are approaching it in the right way. You are talking to him about it and take his view and feelings into account as well. Also, given that you are concerned about what others might say, take it slow. You don't have to come out to others. Only come out if you feel comfortable with it.

    Hope this helps!
     
  7. Pancake

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    you could just come out to your friends person by person until you build up enough confidence to tell everyone else.
     
  8. crossfire0159

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    If you just go on with your relationship and let other people assume what they're going to is one way of looking at it.
    Saying "Screw you all" is the general point.

    I'm almost there with my out status. :slight_smile:
     
  9. ccdd

    ccdd Guest

    I agree with Asteroid's advice and would say that the only good time to come out is when you're both ready - there is no timetable, and you shouldn't feel that you "ought" to be out.

    However, what I do wonder is whether it would be possible for you to come out as a couple to some of your close friends who think will be ok with it - and stress that you don't want the wider community to know because you're not comfortable with everyone knowing yet, seeing as you're uncertain of what they're reactions might be? This could enable you both to be comfortable around your friends, but still retain some privacy.

    But ultimately, you both have to be comfortable with the idea of being out as a couple, and I would err on the side of caution, as you can't "come back in".

    Oh yes - hello and welcome to EC :slight_smile:
     
  10. -Michael-

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    I suggest either:

    Coming out as a couple. If any negativity occurs at least you have someone to have there with you. (A luxury not everyone has) And im sure yous could work through it and still be happy.

    OR:

    Go on as normal. Lets people assume what they want. No pressure on you.
    If they say anything just laugh along. Do what YOU want...not what other people want you to do.