So this made me so freaking mad the other day. I'm just now to the point where i'm able to talk about it without being absolutely pissed again. My boyfriend came over for an hour or so so we could patch up an argument that we'd had the night before. (Davey knows all about this. I kept him awake texting. Sorry. ) Now granted...nobody but me was home. Well my grandma shows up when she's dropping my brother off. She walks in and says "You shouldn't be having boys over when your alone. It puts you in a bad situation." Then she goes on a rant, telling me that our (me and my bf's) judgement isn't where it should be until we're 25. And she doesn't want to be a great grandma yet. Then she goes on to lecture us on how we shouldn't be alone together because "the sexual tension is really strong" at my age and we shouldn't even be touching. Where I really think she crossed the line was when she told me "If I was your mom, I wouldn't let you go to Ohio University." She knows my bf is going there too. When she left, she called my mom at work and had her come home to yell at me too (and Kyle except he had gone home by then). I just wanted to look at her and say "too late!" :tantrum: My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. We waited to become sexually active until we knew that we were with the person we wanted to be with forever. We've been active about 10 months prior to this incident. The reason she made me so mad is because i don't think it was her place to tell me who i can be involved with and where i should go to college. I have a full ride there anyway. Its not like I'm paying $20,000 just to go where my boyfriend is. Also...I think I'm a very responsible young adult. As is he. Him moreso than me surprisingly. i'm 18 and believe I'm capable and should be allowed to make the decisions that control my life. Does anyone else thing she crossed a couple lines there? or am I over-reacting? I know she's my grandma and only looking out for my best intrests, but come on! She's not my mother and in a month I'm leaving home for college. I mean really. I'm still mad about it obviously. Lol. My boyfriend and I laugh about it now though. Anytime he goes to hug me or i kiss him we "scold" each other, saying "oh no! no physical contact till we're 25!"
Technically since you're 18 and you live in the US, you can make your own decisions about being sexually active. Your parents, grandparents, friends, etc. Can say, 'y'know, I don't think that's such a good idea'. But, because you're of legal age (you can do just about anything besides drink alcohol), they technically can't do anything to stop you. Your grandmother (being your grandmother) does have your best interests at heart, but think about it from her perspective. Back when she was 18 people weren't making these kinds of choices. They weren't deciding to be sexually active. That kind of stuff (assuming your grandmother is the age of 60 or above) was taboo back then. My grandparents (bless their souls) were born in the twenties. So (if they were alive) me being bisexual would be a total shock to them because when they were younger people weren't leaping out of the closet like we are now. My mom's parents would have accepted me (one of my aunt's sons is gay) but it still would have been a foreign concept to them. So, just, kind of think about this, you making these kinds of decisions about your life is very very very foreign to her. Like, if you suddenly sprouted an extra hand, it'd be foreign, but you'd have to get used to it, right? I'm not saying, have sex with your boyfriend in front of her, but as long as you know you're making the right decision for YOUR LIFE, then ignore what she says. Go with your heart and your head. Only you can control your life.
From what you have written, there were certainly a few 'personal boundaries' crossed which should not have been crossed. Given that you are 18, you can certainly make your own decision as to with whom you want to be involved with. What might help is if you try talking to your grandma about it and let her know in a nice way, that you are at a stage in your life where you can judge for yourself whether these are good decisions or not. Should you do decide to talk to her (if you haven't done so yet) keep in mind though that she has her own life experiences and influences based on which she made the comments and through which she sees the world. It is possible that when she was growing up that she was instilled with the notion that you can not be involved with someone until you are 25. This is how she was raised and believes in. Another dimension of it though is that she loves you and is worried. Reassure her that you can make decisions on your own and that you are careful and that there is nothing to be worried about. Hope this helps!
OMG!! I would have slapped her!! You are 18 so you can do as you wish... While I see her side. I don't think she had any right to say that. I mean honestly if you had been having sex when she walked in she still didn't have the right.... but parents(and grandparents) will always do things like that!
Honestly, I don't think she crossed any boundaries, other than the one where one should be careful offering opinions and advice when they're not asked for. Well, that and she probably shouldn't have called your mother. But you probably knew that that would get back to her, anyway. She's your grandmother. She's obviously worried. When she was your age, getting involved with a guy in high school most likely meant pregnancy, and pregnancy probably meant shotgun marriage, which meant no college, etc etc. You can understand why she might be a bit concerned. And yes, things are different now. But that's sometimes tough for older folks like myself to get our brains around. We remember the chain sort of subconsciously; being alone with boyfriend -> sex -> pregnancy -> early marriage -> future ruined -> bad. She sees "being alone with boyfriend", remembers it's bad, the end. She doesn't stop to think "Well, with current sexual mores being what they are, and the fact that today's teenagers are a lot more sexually informed, and the easy availability of birth control, and..." Things that make the chain a lot weaker. Feel free to talk about it with her if you'd like. Or just consider what she said to be just one more opinion. "I see what you mean. Thanks, Grandma." And end it there. A lot of the time, grandparents feel the need to "play (grand)parent". You can fight it, and argue that you're old enough to make your own decisions, and who is she to say... All correct. But sometimes it's easier to just go ahead and "play (grand)daughter". Listen, thank her for talking with you, and then go about your business. Lex
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your grandmother, but if this is really bothering you you could try talking to her. Sometimes grandparents (especially grandmothers) have to be reminded that you're not a kid anymore and you're growing up faster than they would like to see (trust me, I'm the youngest on both sides of my family...) I agree that she is crossing some boundaries considering that she is not your mother, and especially because you are a legal adult. But you might also try seeing this from her point of view, where she is protecting her little granddaughter from potentially harming herself. Remember that she grew up in a different time. Best of luck!
Hmm. I personally think she crossed a few boundaries there. She shouldn't have te right to tell who you spend your time with, or where you go to school. She may be part of the family, but she isn't one of your parents, and she needs to accept that. Your grandmother was just trying to protect you, but she also probably didn't understand how you really felt about your boyfriend. The very old tend to think that the very young are completely irresponsible. In some cases they are right, but for the most part young people today have enough self control to avoid any serious problems. Bottom line, talk to your grandmother and tell her what you really think. If she persists, don't even talk to her. Deal directly with your parents.
Thanks everyone for your advice. I'm not sure if i'll talk to her or not. Its not bugging me so much anymore. I mostly find it kinda funny now. Just something to joke about. If it happens again though.... We'll be having a talk. I just wish my family would accept that this is the man i love with my whole heart and sould. I'm his. I'm sure we were made for eachother. My family tells me that since i'm so young, I can't possibly know what real love is. (Coming from divorced parents and my other grandma who also divorced.) His family though, keeps asking when we plan on getting married. Not if...when. I've given up. Its our relationship...not our families'.
i still think you should have a girl over one day when your mom comes home! oops did i say that out loud? ya know i love ya! ^_^ *runs*
girrrrrrl you know u been trippin. lol: please not ei don't speak this way, but i like hearing people do xDDDD) ok, so I think u overreacted a bit. I know you are upset and u should be but both you and ur mom was a bit irrational. I mean, you never had to get so worked up about it and ur mom never had to be a b*@%ch about it. ok, let me explain. Your grandmother is partially right. kk? However, she is wrong in allot of ways and she just said those things out of her moral value in her that she wants out of you. (she most know why) Fact is. She is older, so out of respect, listen to what she has to say...say thank you and let her go. When ur mom comes home fired up. Do the same! then just ignore it and go. Your mom, dose not know the full facts and ur granny does not know why u had ur bf over. Whether or not you had ur bf over for sex yes or no OR ANY GUY FOR THAT MATTER, your legally an adult now and if it should be a problem, let it be a problem out of irrisponsibility. Does your mom trust you? Does your grandmother think highly of you? these are questions to be asked. And your now of a very understanding age. Instead of giving you a lecture u would give to someone my age your mom should be spending some quality girl time telling u the pro's and con's or dateing, safe sex, grooming, rote psychology etc. SO THAT, you don't end up doing something regretful out of being rebelious (which u already are) and end up turning up life upside down and giving her a heart attack. cuz it don't make sence ur nana tell u "you shouldn't be touching each other till your 25". That's crap. I mean, "don't have sex till ur married" was a drop phrase that made more sencible meaning behind it :dry: :lol: but sister, don't take it seriosuly. And if it does happen again. ignore her. Just whatever you do, treat ur granny with respect. wish u all the best, Alex.(*hug*)
Ya. I did treat her with respect. I just kinda nodded and said i understand. But it still annoyed me. I didn't tell her that though.
