So my professor used this acronym for F.E.A.R. in class and I thought it was pretty good. Future Expectations Appearing Real I thought that was pretty good and related it a lot to the coming out process. I was so terrified and psyched myself up so bad for it that I lost sleep over the fear of coming out. Once I finally decided to do it... I survived! I found support! It turned out not to be so bad. It was actually good!! So my advice: Go for it and don't let F.E.A.R. take over you!!
There is a great book that I would recommend for anybody who is living in fear. It's called "Feel the Fear and do it Anyway".
Thats my main problem for being closeted still, as I'm sure is many of others problems also. But, this fear is not something that you just face and you move on in life, most of the time. Coming out may or may not result in the losing of friends, family, co-workers, etc, and that is my main reason, probably the same for most others. Just my two cents
I know what you mean. I've come out and honestly it never stops. Every person I know or new person I meet it comes up. You never really stop coming out. And yes, I've lost a couple of friends, but if they don't accept me for me... then I'm better off for it. At least that's the attitude I'm having towards it.
Parents have to come out too. I was in the dentist office the other day and these people asked if my son had a girlfriend. I just told him that he's gay. You should of seen their mouths drop. LOL But it went well after the initial shock.
Way to go Beckyg! I can see that situation being embarrasing for many parents. You give a lot of good advice and sound so real. You're son is lucky. Keep up the good work! This FEAR thing makes sense. I don't know if it's so much fear for me, but it's like I'm planning for every possible situation and I want to prepare what to say to any response. It's also like I want to know/control what others will say/think and until everything is in order to come out the way I want it to, I'll never proceed. I know that's not realistic and is quite crazy, but that's the best I can explain. :smilewave
Ok, I thought about this some more and I think the whole idea of wanting to know/control how the coming out situations go has more to do with avoiding confrontation. I absolutely hate confrontation. :tantrum: So I guess you could say that I FEAR confrontation. Therefore, these future expectations appear real as if they have happened, but they haven't and may not, yet they may. :eusa_thin Maybe I just have to laugh in the face of my future expectations :lol: and grow a pair!
Another F.E.A.R. take is: False Evidence Appearing to be Real Assumptions, preconceived ideas and some of the ways we think relationships should be are examples of such things. Many times it is a good idea to actually question the premise of a feeling or accepted "standard". If it actually is true it withstands the scrutiny.
Once again I say that Becky you rock. Can you and my mother switch but bring your son too cuz my mom would not get along with him... lol. Well ya I'll get over F.E.A.R soon, of course it only is with the parents. Everyone else I tell them easily enough.
