1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I don't know what I am anymore and can't accept I could be gay?!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by flikflak1, Apr 1, 2014.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. flikflak1

    flikflak1
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2013
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I won't dwell on how I have fought against my sexuality.

    I have battled with it for a long time, thought that I was gay (and HATED the idea of that being the case) but today something strange happened which has made me question if I really am attracted to the same sex. I was at a TV show record this afternoon and a guy took his top off onstage. There was muscle on show, abs and pretty much everything you would expect when someone refers to 'the gym body'. I have been attracted to the male torso in the past but not to the point it's just muscle. However, in this case, I wasn't attracted in the slightest. There were no feelings for the male body which surprised me and I actually felt quite repulsed by the whole thing.

    But within the crew I spotted a young woman. She was wearing no makeup and was in jeans. She was dressed very casually and I was immediately drawn to her in a way I can't describe. I couldn't stop looking at her and then became 'attracted' to her face and figure. It was extremely bizarre.

    But the fact I didn't have any feelings towards the male body but felt an almost extreme connection with the girl has made me question my sexuality. I am an 18 year old male, was bullied at school but have I just experienced my first proper crush on a female? Am I actually straight?

    I want to have children and live a married life with a woman. I found the hardest part of accepting that I could be gay is the fact I would never naturally produce babies. If I was 100% gay would this be the case?

    Thanks for reading and for the advice in advance.
     
    #1 flikflak1, Apr 1, 2014
  2. greatwhale

    greatwhale
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    The American Psychological Association defines sexual orientation as follows:

    Here is the link:

    Answers to Your Questions For a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality

    I have bolded a key word for you: "enduring". In order to know for sure (or as sure as possible) is to notice an enduring pattern. This is most apparent with thoughts during sexual fantasies/masturbation.

    The last sentence in the above-quoted paragraph is important too.

    The fact that you "want to live a married life with a woman" is revealing, and suggests that the issue is more of acceptance than uncertainty...
     
    #2 greatwhale, Apr 1, 2014
  3. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,559
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    The issue, for you, is a complex one. Part of the problem is you're heavily invested in one particular outcome (to be straight) which is going to color the interpretation of experiences you have.

    I don't know if you're straight or gay, and I don't think you can make an accurate assessment from one shirtless guy or one attractive girl.

    So what it comes down to is, what's the pattern in the long term? Do you watch gay porn or straight porn or both? If straight, are you looking at the guys or the girls more? When you masturbate without porn, what are you imagining, if you simply let your mind wander (rather than forcing yourself to imagine something.) Is it guys, or girls? If you masturbate to both, which creates stronger arousal?

    Where your sexual arousal is most focused is usually a pretty reliable indicator of where your sexual orientation lies. If you can look at those things and talk more about that, it will be easier to give you guidance.
     
    #3 Chip, Apr 1, 2014
  4. YaraNunchuck

    YaraNunchuck
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2013
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I had exactly that experience a few days ago. I've pretty much accepted that I'm gay, but the rare instances where I find myself half-attracted to a cute girl are just deeply annoying. Like, I imagine what could have been - the family I could have looked forward to, etc. I just get the feeling 'if only this were stronger and more consistent'. But, tbh, it sounds like you're gay. If attraction to guys predominate, then there's your answer...
     
    #4 YaraNunchuck, Apr 1, 2014
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)