Not really sure what section to put this in, kinda touches on both coming out and gender identity. For now, I'm a guy. Been thinking I might be transgender for awhile. I feel like I keep changing my mind though. One day I'll wake up being completely sure, other times I feel very hesitant. The thing is though I can't think of any legitimate down sides to transitioning. I consider myself rather distant from my male self, like I'm living in a hollowed out body, or something to that effect, so I can say I wouldn't miss being male. So I'm not really sure what's making me hesitant. Part of me is saying if I say 'yolo' and go through with the whole thing then I'll be happier, which I know I would be, but is that a justifiable reason? There's all the pain and turmoil of coming out and transitioning that I'll face. Some days I'll feel invincible, like I'd be able to brave it all. Other days, it's the opposite. I'm going to a one-time counselor to kinda figure things out. I'm not really sure what to expect from the session, since I don't think it'll be a gender specialist, more of someone to help with guidance and stuff. Assuming as much, what do I do from there? I know for a fact that I'd be much happier than I am now going through with all of this, but a part of me is still resisting. Can I come out to my parents knowing this fact? Further specialized counseling may help with the uncertainty, but as of now I don't have the money/insurance. That's why I'm considering talking to my parents. Can I go to my folks and come out, even with the possibility that this doesn't all go through? They know I'm borderline depressed, and probably wouldn't object to generic counseling, but if we have that conversation, odds are something's gonna slip. And if there's even I chance that all this passes (which I don't it will), I don't want to worry my parents with my diagnosis of transgender. I don't think I'd have much physical problem coming out, I just don't want to prematurely/erroneously. It's just that further counseling might be required to ascertain all this stuff, and for that, I'd have to come out. Idk, just not sure what to do.
Hi there I have absolutely no advice whatsoever but I did want to let you know someone read your post and cared. Since you are looking for advice you might want to copy & paste and repost under a different category or just back in this same area but change your thread title. State clearly that you need help or advice. If you don't get any helpful replies you might want to do a private chat with an EC moderator. I am sure they would be able to help you or at least get your thread where others can give you advice. Good luck to you.
Hey, I'm assuming that you're high school-college-aged if you're considering involving your parents in counseling so, with that assumption... I've seen a counselor for ~4 years, mostly to deal with family and guilt issues surrounding my gender. Both counselors were at my universities and neither were gender specialists. However, they were completely open to exploring gender stuff with me and other trans* clients. My current counselor practically leaped through the ceiling when I told him that I was planning to officially come out soon - so happy - and he actually specializes in giftedness, not gender. I'm sharing all of this to say that any good psychologist should at least have some knowledge of gender issues and if they cannot help you, they should be able to refer you to someone who can. I'd strongly recommend that you pursue counseling - especially if you're depressed - and cross the "coming out bridge" when you are in a healthier and more confident emotional state. Let me add that I've spoken with a lot of young transwomen who also felt very depressed and unsure of if they were strong enough to transition because of societal pressure and feelings of guilt/ shame. Not knowing your situation, yes, it is possible that through counseling, you *may* decide against transition, you may also decide to transition. The decision is actually unimportant, it's only important that you decide for you and no one else. You may find that you aren't actually depressed but simply the victim of gender dysphoria - or the reverse, or both. My family members think that I suffer from depression/ anxiety but I've been given a clean bill of mental health by both of my counselors - I'm just dysphoric (and it can both mimic and co-occur with the aforementioned). As for a "diagnosis of transgender," please be aware that in the next addition of the DSM, "gender identity disorder" will likely be re-labeled so as not to carry the stigma of a "disorder." I know many people, including other trans* people may disagree with me on this but both myself and my counselor think that this is NOT a disorder of any kind. It's simply a polymorphism, which abound in nature. It's inconvenient and painful but nothing is actually "wrong" with you - you're just a variation on a theme. If the stigma of being trans* is at all involved with your hesitance or uncertainty, please head directly to YouTube and watch some of the amazing transwomen you'll find on there. That Jazz girl interviewed by Barbara Walters is basically my hero, and is an adorable, articulate young girl. There's a young woman named Katie who was on NBC with her FtM boyfriend - the girl is intelligent, elegant, and gorgeousssss. For every nasty comment you read that says something negative, imagine white-out smearing over it and putting "special" or "unique" in it's place. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with being trans*, cis, straight, gay, queer, questioning or dressing like Bjork and dancing like a go-go girl. Just be as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend if they were in your position, and be truthful with yourself. It actually does get better.
Funny how I just reposted this in another section and got a reply here haha. But thank you nonetheless. I'm not against counseling, I'm in favor of pursuing it. However, I am in college, and the only available counseling is more of a one-time thing, where they more or less "evaluate" you, and recommend how you proceed, whether that be more counseling, etc. So I'm just worried that if I can't solidify things in that one session (odds are I won't be able to), then if more counseling is recommended, I don't exactly have the means to pay for it, and that's why I'm considering coming out to my parents. At the same time, if I haven't ascertained anything, then how can I really come out you know? I find I have neither prominent cases of depression or dysphoria (they're there, just more mild). It's more of a gut thing which means I really have to be certain about something like this. And I really have no problem embracing being trans if that's who I am. I've watched many YouTubers, and am really inspired by a lot of them. It's just the immediate backlash and reactions of others that I'm kinda worried about. I do feel like I'd be able to handle it well, but I want to be absolutely sure of who I am before I subject myself to that.
Their natural reaction would probably be worry, and I'm sure they'd want to talk it through with me before sending me to counseling, especially since, as parents, they feel it's their job to be there for the hard conversations. I don't think I'd be able to come up with enough fluff to actually satiate their curiosity/worry, to the point where they'd be at ease and willing to send me off to a stranger to work things out with.
