I've just started the journey to try and figure out if I'm gay, but if I ever do decide to come out, I'm scared to. My uncles and dad are homophobic - well, more just using words like fag and stuff and using slurs - and I'm afraid my relationship will be completely awkward forever if I come out. Of course, there are also my heterosexual guy friends who always does that whole "pretend gay" thing, which I join in on. If I come out to them, I KNOW they're gonna feel awkward and will probably think I'm coming on to them if I join in on that again. I'll feel isolated. My mom knows I'm questioning, and so do two of my closest female friends. But that's all. Any advice/experiences?
I first came out as questioning to a couple of people. And now a handful knows that I am bi. I would just take your time, and only come out when you are ready.
My friends do the whole "Pretend we're gay thing" as well. Just recently one of them held hands with me in class as joke. I don't get why they do that. Anyway I get what you mean. I too feel that if I came out to them, they wouldn't want to so stuff like that around me any more.
Coming out as gay inevitably, I think, changes your life in many ways. You will lose some friends but make new friends. Your family may reject you initially, but many families do come around in time. It's so sad to read stories like yours because no one should have to "come out" as anything. Certainly straights never need to announce their sexuality to the world. As LGBT folk, we carry a burden that straight people never face. White heterosexual privilege is so strongly embedded in western culture that most people bask in their privilege without ever being conscious of it. But it is what it is. You don't need to come out until you're ready to. You can try to build a support group around you (PFLAG, GSA's in school, counselors, and especially here on EC) first. You need a place (real or virtual) that you can go to to celebrate success or to lick your wounds. You will find a community where you can be at ease, just being yourself. When you are ready, you'll feel as though such an incredibly burden has been lifted off your shoulders. Hugs to you! (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
Thanks for the support, everyone. StillAround - Most of my family I think will accept me, it will just change how they are around me (I feel like I won't be treated like "one of the guys" anymore). I definitely think virtually, this is going to be my safe haven. Idk where my real safe haven will be. I have a couple of friends who know I'm investigating my sexuality, so I guess they'll be my contacts for that. And I already feel like a burden has been lifted off of my shoulders - I've fully embraced that I'm going to explore this. I just reactivated my ###### account and have it set to guys and girls now...
