I have OCD tendencies so I can never feel sure of my sexuality for that long. I feel like I should be a lesbian, but I get intrusive thoughts that make me think that I'm also attracted to guys. I don't like those thoughts. The idea of me being bi feels wrong to me. I hate being so unsure of myself. I just want to belong somewhere! I don't like other people knowing that I'm unsure about my sexuality because most of them will probably think I'm bi just because I'm femme. I just stay in the closet to avoid all of that. I kind of want to come out as gay, but I'm afraid that I'll fall in love with a guy and lose all credibility. I don't really like being in the closet. Despite all of this OCD I find it easier to say I'm bi, than say I'm gay. Even though it goes against my internal values. Sometimes my OCD tells me that this is proof that I'm bi and not gay.
Hi, You sound like you're not ready to come out, because you're not sure what your orientation is. If it comes up would you feel comfortable telling people you're Questioning? That's perfectly valid to say in your situation. There's no rush to come out, let it happen on it's own time. And if you ever come out and then lose a little credibility, if you explain you were confused I don't think anyone's going to give you a hard time, and if they do they're most likely being stupid. If it bothers you so much then just wait to officially come out. Lastly, I know it can be frustrating feeling confused and worrying about everything, but you're Obsessing(hehe). Relax. Be questioning for a while. Live life. There's a lot more to us than orientations alone. Hope you have a good day! (*hug*)
