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Need something

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by keegan, Apr 5, 2007.

  1. keegan

    Regular Member

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    Hi there!
    I am not exactly sure what to say, I am a little nervous.. I have been in a relashinship for 16yrs with a man, I was fourteen he was twenty six, now we have four kids. I have never really been happy, and I have no one to talk too about any of this, no one I trust! No one that will understand! I think I have always felt different than my friends when younger but didn't show it, even after I got with this person I am with now and already had one child I felt something for a women who was also older than I was, I was eighteen, she delivered my mail to my parents place, I still lived at home. I think she new I felt something for her, who wouldn't I made sure I was there everyday to see her, one time she brought me something back from a concert she had went to, and had told me that it was not healthy for me to be with this man I was and am with! When my mother died she gave me a tape with a note in it that said if I ever needed to talk to give her a call, I have that number memorized to this day. I never called I wasn't sure what to say, now thinking about it I wished I had. I haven't seen her since then I think about her all the time, I think about being with a woman a lot, I just feel as if I don't know myself, I am affraid of making a wrong decision just as I have all my life. Just wished I had someone to talk too about this topic or any other that may arise!
     
  2. Paul_UK

    Paul_UK Guest

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    Hi Keegan,

    Firstly, welcome to Empty Closets. I am sure you find help and support here. You are definitely not alone with this. There are several members who are similar situations - married with kids and now starting to accept that they are really gay or lesbian. I'm sure some of them will be along and will comment here in due course.

    With the woman you mentioned from, what, around 12 years ago, I think it would be better now to leave her in the past as a memory. So many things could have changed, the phone number is unlikely to be correct now, she may well not remember you, etc. It stands too much chance of being an unsuccessful and emotional approach that I think you would be better not going there.

    I think the thing you need to do is to start trying to find like-minded friends. Perhaps you could try to find if there are any support groups in your area, where you could make contact with other women who understand. This sort of support is great if/when you get to the stage of dealing with the situation with your partner and kids.

    That is going to be a biggie - there is no way around that. However as you will see from the experiences of other members in similar situations, may not be as traumatic as you fear.

    How are things between you and your partner, from his point of view? Is he aware that you are not happy in the relationship, or does he think that everything is great?

    One good thing is that with you being about 30 and him about 34, you still have plenty of time ahead to live the lives that are correct for you.

    I don't know whether this has been much help, but I'm sure better help will be along in due course.
     
  3. Jim1454

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    Hi Keegan. Welcome. I'm one of the members that Paul was referring to... I'm 35, been married for almost 10 years, and have two beautiful little girls. I too never really fit in with 'the guys' when I was growing up, but it wasn't until just recently that I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably gay - and prefer men.

    Every couple is different, and I don't know how you and your partner are getting along. You got off to a slightly unconventional start if he was 12 years older than you when you started dating you when you were 14. So I don't know how supportive he is of you now.

    I finally had to tell my wife that I'd had been cheating on her with other men - and it was devastating for her. I wouldn't recommend trying to sneak around - I would suggest talking openly about it with your partner. You never know how they might react...

    At any rate, there are lots of people who visit this site that can offer advice. If you want to chat with me some more, just let me know. I can provide you with my hotmail account.

    Take care. Jim