So, I am going to try and make this as short as possible. I am 17, and out to a couple of fellow LGBT kids at my high school and my mom. I am not out to any of my friends because I cannot risk letting my dad know. He will throw me out of the house if he finds out. I have this anonymous twitter account, that says I'm gay, but my name isn't attached to it. I have been able to keep it a secret for quite a long time, but some stuff just went down. My best girl friend (who is extremely homophobic) was texting me about the twitter account. Long story short, she knows it's me. All of our friends, me and her are going to breakfast in about 9 hours and i know she is going to bring it up. This wouldn't be an issue, except she is a complete gossip. She can't keep her mouth shut. I have been in the closet for a reason. If i was out to my school (of 4 thousand students), I knew it would get to my dad. Now that she knows, everyone is going to find out and when it gets to my dad, I'm completely screwed. I need advice please.
The only thing I could think of is deny it. I hope you are a good actor, but seriously tell your dad there is a rumor going around that you are gay but it isn't true. If you get to him first he is more likely to believe it is indeed false, and if your friends continue to spread the rumor just deny it. You could even ask for his advice on ending the rumor because this should show that it offends you deeply and you want it to stop being spread. Mostly just make yourself feel innocent and helpless in all this.
You could tell your dad that your friend spread a rumor that your gay for April fools days for a joke. To start the conversation you could just pretend you get a message on your phone start laughing and if he asks what's so funny tell him about the joke and say your laughing because your friend just told you that some people thought you were serious and still believe it, then just laugh it off.
Hmmmm... I'm not so sure spinning another story to your dad is the answer here... Somehow digging yourself another hole might end up biting you in the future. Why not take your girl friend who figured this out aside and have a heart to heart talk with her. Tell her that you are in the closet for a reason and what the consequences would be if people started to gossip about it and it reaces your dad. In other words ask her to be a good friend and keep your secret secret. Maybe if she knew what heartache it could cause for you she'd keep the info to herself. Just an idea...
I agree with Ditz here, I don't think spinning another story is the answer. What about your mum? You said she knows, surely she wouldn't let you be thrown out?
Oh god I have no idea what to do. It's been split down the middle with everyone i've talked to. I would love to just tell her to keep it a secret for a reason, but she seriously has an issue with gossip. She can't keep a secret if HER life depended on it. But i don't want to start another story with my dad....
I agree that Ditz advice is a good one. Ask her and explain why she shouldn't tell people and if she does your friendship will be over. Hope she is a good friend to you. Good luck xx
yea, i would have a sit down with her and see why and explain to her the situation. sometimes it's girls like her that like to start trouble just for the sake of starting trouble. i knew a few girls like that, who actually admitted it to me. if you still want to keep it a secret and know that for sure your dad will kick you out, just simply deny it, you can always tell your dad that gay is just simply a slang or something along those lines. never overreact to a situation, and keep your cool. it's better have a focus mind then to go crazy
There are several ways I see to handle this. First, try in every possible way to convince her not to talk. Bribe her (cheaply) if you have to. Second, point out how many billions of idiots there are on the internet. Show her or your dad some of the worst examples of trolling you can find. Troll somewhere yourself, and make it look like it was someone else. If that works, I recommend doing that because the next method... I don't know about you, but I find it rather unpleasant. Talk to your dad, acting extremely offended, and tell him that some [censored - I leave this cuss word to your preference] at school started a rumor that you are gay, and you don't know who it is so you can't beat him or her up, or whatever. ( You may find this offensive, but if it's as bad as you say, then your only chance if you can't keep your girl friend to quiet, then this is your backup. I call it "the big guns." ) If it's not out of character for you, and nothing else is working, act homophobic. I hate the idea, but if it's the only thing that works, go with it. And another thing - check what you do, and make sure that you aren't sending out any subtle hints that you are gay. For instance; I won't confirm, but will never deny, being gay; I stick gay symbols in different places (my desktop wallpaper is a rainbow eye); I am really comfortable with talking about gay stuff; and a few other things. If you do any of that, don't. be as straight as possible to others, and never admit being gay. If your dad is smart, in the future only use private browsing when going on gay sites (such as here), and use a VPN (google it.) Delete your web history, clear your browser cache and cookies, and do everything you can to hide that you have e3ver been to somewhere like that. And above all, keep a level head, don't panic, and THINK BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING. And in the future, make that Twitter account disappear. Set the location to a city far far away (but still American) and make it look as generic as possible. Try posting on it differently, with a different personality - for me, I use a far wider vocabulary online rather than just generic words.
Okay metaphorically "the boat is tipping" Try to convince her to keep her mouth shut, and if necessary come to a compromise. Try not to upset/anger or even threaten her this will encourage her. Really sorry I ain't got much but meh
Ya, my boat is tipping, real fast. I have decided that I am going to write her a letter, officially coming out to her. I'm going to try and convince her to keep her mouth shut. I'll keep you all updated.
Well, I have a whole letter written out. A lot of personal things, so I not going to post the whole letter, but here is a part that it the most important: I knew what you were hinting at. Now before i tell you anything, you need to promise me something. For my safety, please put any homophobic beliefs you have behind. Yes, my dad could kick me out if he finds out, some parents even beat their kids. If you tell ANYONE, it could lead to me being homeless, or worse, hospitalized. I am that twitter account, yes, I’m gay. Now I don’t think my dad would ever lay a finger on me, but I there is a chance he could kick me out. I’m trusting you with my life (her name). So for my sake, and for the fact that I know you are a kind, amazing person, keep your mouth shut. Don’t tell your parents, sister, or even your dog, things get around even when you think they won’t. Especially don’t tell (our mutual friend). She is nice and all, but she cannot keep her mouth shut for her life. I am trusting you with this secret, please don’t blow this. I am going to come out to everyone this summer. You can tell anyone you want AFTER I come out officially. Is that good?
Ok, first up don't share more info than you need to... As in you don't want her to know any other secrets that she could tell someone else... Do you really want to do this in a letter? Wouldn't it be better to ask her to go have a coffee with you and then talk to her in person? Be careful not to come off as threatening, diplomacy and being more vulnerable in your approach might get you a lot further... For example you could tell her: "(Her name) I have a huge favour to ask of you. I know you figured out what my anonymous Twitter Handel is and we both know what that means. I've kept it anonymous because it's something that I can't share with the world right now. My father is extreamly conservative and will kick me out of my house if he finds out about me and that would destroy me and my family. Please, can we keep this a secret between you and me, I can't have people talk about it and I trust you enough to know that you'd care enough about me not to share this with anyone else. Will you help me keep this a secret until I'm ready?" It's asking for help in a non threatening way...plus, you're not giving her too much info she could use against you, there's no mention of being gay and you're letting her come to her own conclusion. You could also add that she is the only one who knows... What do you think?
Hi, If I were you I wouldn't put it down on paper. Just for your own protection. (no written evidence for her to wave around) How is it going?
I didn't even think of it that way... That's a good point. ---------- Post added 4th Apr 2014 at 10:54 AM ---------- Your letter is good, *this is going to sound really bad* but I feel like if I don't say it in a threatening way, she won't get the severity of the situation. and i've decided, when the letter is done, i'm going to hand it to her in person and then keep the letter when she is finished reading it. That way she has no evidence to wave around.
You'll have to decide what route you would like to take. I don't know her and can't really tell you what would work best. Good luck though, I'm holding thumbs that things will work out for you!
