Ok, sooooo, currently I have a girlfriend and she only sees me as Gender-fluid, and just straight out won't call me a male. I have a feeling it won't work out, but I still want her to respect me as a guy, and maybe stay friends. I don't know how to tell her "Call me a guy and by my name". She is also Gender-Fluid, and her sexuality is lesbian (meaning she won't have sexual activity with a cismale or Trans*female). It hasn't been that long that I have been with her, but before we get serious I want her to respect my gender identity. Anyone have any advice on how to go about telling her?
"Call me a guy and by my name" I'd start with that. Seriously. In all honesty, you want to be treated like a guy. Your girlfriend is a lesbian. How long do you really think that's going to work for? I mean her responses are pretty limited... She can either accept you're a guy, treat you as one and accept she isn't actually necessarily a lesbian and can't be by definition because she loves a MAN. She can accept you're a guy and it's over because she's a LESBIAN. Or she won't accept you're a guy at all and then YOU will feel crappy in the relationship... What's the point of being with someone who won't respect who you are>
I would say that you should probably just go ahead and move on. If she can't respect you and your identity, then that's a major red flag. I'd just nicely end things and move on.
I would like to just mention that I think a lesbian can be with a guy and still id as a lesbian - if it's just this one exception to the rule. Sometimes people just fall in love and no one has a right to tell someone to change how they identify just to accommodate their own identity. You shouldn't compromise your identity for her nor her for you but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't be together.
While that may be true Gates, and I can only speak for myself here, but if I was in OP's position I would feel pretty damned upset if someone swore blind they only liked women, had no attraction what-so-ever to men while I was desperately trying to get the world to see me as male.
But her identity has nothing to do with him. It's not personal. It may make their relationship impossible for one or both of them but getting upset implies that her identity is reflective of their relationship when it's independent of it. She would have as much right to be angry with him for identifying as male while in a "lesbian relationship." The rules don't change just because of who's playing.
That would depend entirely how her identity was handled. If she was, as you say, "a lesbian with an exception" no problem, however given the comment made by OP about how her orientation means that this girl would not date a trans girl, I am left thinking that it wouldn't be seen that way at all. After all, if this girl wouldn't see a trans woman as an actual woman, what reason would she have for seeing a trans man as a man? As I said before, the issue comes up if this person were to insist point blank that they could only and would only ever date girls, and then insisted that the current relationship was perfectly fine.
I see what you're getting at but I think the issues of her accepting the OP as a man and of her own identity are different. Again, it's a matter of whether or not she can make an exception to her "women only" policy (but without necessarily altering her own identity). I'm 100% straight, and if I asked a guy out (for some improbable reason), I would still identify as such and just say to anyone who asked: "I'm straight but I bat for the other team for this one." XD As for seeing a transwoman as a woman, I agree that is wrong. Period. I understand lesbians/ straight men et al. who do not want to be involved with a pre-op transwoman and/ or a transwoman who maintains masculine physical features that they do not find attractive - that is their right. Personally, I do not find masculine features attractive on anyone; without question, I'd pursue a transwoman with feminine features over a ciswoman with masculine features even if that woman were pre-op (but I don't believe in pre-marital sex personally so, it wouldn't be an issue anyway). That said, everyone is different and entitled to their own "types." It could be that this young woman is only interested in cisgendered women. What seems odd is that she is involved with someone with a clearly ambiguous or male appearance... OP, have you tried asking her what it is about you being FtM that exactly makes her uncomfortable??? If you aren't planning to have bottom surgery, I don't really understand the issue...
Thanks for the comments guys~ <3 No I do not plan on having bottom surgery. I do not because my gender can change, being gender-fluid and all, I am just very male leaning. She accepts trans*women, it is just the fact she does not want to have sexual activity with anyone born a male, or that has male parts, that is her sexuality. I know a Trans*women that calls herself gay because she has male parts and it only interested in other male parts, which is cool with me. I think sexuality has to do with who you wanna have sex with (but that is up to opinion I guess). She is a really good friend though, and I don't want to lose her over something like that. I have tried giving out hints like switching my Facebook gender to "Gender-Fluid, Trans*Man." I think next time I go out with her I'm just going to flat out tell her She has friends that are trans*guys, but most of them are already on "T" seeing their parents are supportive of them. Meanwhile, I have to hide the fact I own a binder, and such. If she doesn't go out with me anymore, well I might feel a bit hurt, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. She has called me a "he" before, but corrects herself to "she" or "They" after. As for seeing I look like a male, seeing my feminine features I just look like a really butch female. My face structure and build is very feminine, so it's hard for people to see past that. If this helps any, after I'm 18 I plan on going on "T" but I'm not having bottom surgery, maybe top but that's it. Thank you guys are caring so much~ (&&&)
