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When do I come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Elizabeth15, Apr 4, 2014.

  1. Elizabeth15

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    Hi, so recently I came to the conclusion that I am a lesbian after questioning my sexuality for the past 9 months. Logically, I know that it isn't the end of the world and I can still have normal relationships and can have a family in the future, but I am completely terrified about how this will change my life. I am still completely in the closet and I hate every second of it.

    I really want to come out soon (although I am scared to do so even though I am surrounded by relatively progressive people), but should I wait until I am more comfortable with my sexuality? Also, any advice on how to speed up the process of accepting my sexuality would be appreciated. Thanks!
     
  2. blimmr

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    You come out whenever you feel ready. I'm not out fully and I don't plan on coming out anytime soon until I'm at least 18 or get in a relationship. I don't hide who I am, I just don't think it's everyone business and flaunt it around.
     
  3. lovely lesbian

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    You come out when you feel ready Im not out fully out yet
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    When you say you are completely terrified how this will change your life, what exactly do you mean? Can you explain how or why you think it will change your life in such a frightening way?

    There is no right or wrong way to come out and it's not something you need to hurry. It will help if you know lots of progressive people, especially parents, as their reaction can have a make/break effect on some LGBT people.
     
  5. AmiBee

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    You should come out when you're ready. There is no right time. Because you are young, just make sure that you have support when you come out. Don't rush to come out to your family if there is a chance that they will completely reject you.
    Also, you are absolutely right that you can have a happy, fulfilling life as a lesbian. I'm 43 and have been with my wife since I was 20. We have an amazing 9 year old son and life is good. Keep that in mind for a positive future:slight_smile:
     
  6. Nessarose

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    I agree with a couple of other people; you can really only gauge that for yourself. It does help to talk to people, but you don't want to regret telling anyone. I'm only out to two of my friends-- one of which lives in a different state now. I find my mouth to be a bit of a leaky faucet, though, and although I'm good at keeping others' secrets, I'm not very good at keeping my own.

    Good luck, hun!
     
  7. ChameleonSoul

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    Honestly, the best thing that you can do is find one person that you can go to and come out to. Trust me, it will be hard to come out for the first time. I was hyperventilating and having spasms! Having that support network to go to is priceless though and does help you get through it.
     
  8. Elizabeth15

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    Thank you all for your advice, yesterday I told my closest friend (she has two moms, so she is very progressive) that I thought I was lesbian and she was totally calm and accepting. After talking with her, I'm completely sure that I am lesbian and I hope my other friends will be accepting as well. Just a little worried about my parents though, since my dad grew up in a conservative house and doesn't approve of one of my friends who was born female and identifies as male.
     
  9. lezgirlsonly27

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    I would come out when you are ready, I have only told one guy and he's my best friend in the whole so I would suggest you tell someone you see professionally such as teacher, nurse or whoever you know, then build to a few friends but ask them if they keep it discreet, then move on to family. I would first tell your parents and then gather your family from both sides either to together or separately and come out. If you are on any other websites you regularly visit then make them the first place you go.
     
  10. Fimo

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    I accepted quite fast my bisexuality, but I have always been scared of coming out !
    The first person I told was my bisexual best-guy-friend, and I asked him for some advices for coming out to "non-lgbt" people ...
    It took me a while to feel ready, and I truely think that feeling ok about yourself is the first step.
    Then, remember that you don't have to come out to everyone, you only do it if you want to ! Don't rush, it's not because you told your good friend that you have to tell everyone :slight_smile:
    I'm personally out to all of my friends, and i wont deny i'm bi if you ask ! But my parents are quite homophobic, so i wont come out to them right now ! But if you trust your's, and you know they'll accept it, you should go for it when time comes!
     
    #10 Fimo, Apr 13, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2014