Hey all!! And so it's been a while since I last posted. So today, my father came across the topic about gays. He said something about gays being sinners or something(we are a catholic family). Oh well, I pretty much expected his reply but I cannot help but feel indignant... It's like he's indirectly insulting me(without meaning to, since I haven't come out at all). Sometimes my family would ask me if I were gay and I would blatantly say no. It pricks my heart not being able to be who I feel I am. It has led me to question how long I will have to carry on living this life. Just a question but what do you guys think about being closeted for life? I mean it will be at my own happiness but at least I will not hurt the feelings of my loved ones.(that's what I feel). I have always thought to coming our but the attitude and way they show makes me increasing uncertain in terms of what I should do. I've actually pondered about hiding who I really am and even bringing this secret with me to my grave. The selfish side me tells me I should just leave everything behind and start anew somewhere but I will never have the courage to do so. It's just a naive and irrational notion that I would come up with. I leave you all with that question...
Don't burden yourself about being in the closet for life. At 16, you have a long life ahead. In time, you'll be meeting new people that you'll feel comfortable opening up to. I always shake my head at catholics who label everyone else as sinners. :eusa_naug I wonder how your dad feels about all the priests and bishops who have molested young boys for decades. :rolle: Are they sinners?
NerkPoop, Love your user name, by the way. Look left at my age. I lived a closeted life until two months ago. Trust me, this is not the road you want to travel on. The good news is that you're just 16. As you become more independent, while your family's approval/tolerance will never stop being important to you, it will stop being the most important thing. You'll have friends and relationships as you grow older that will put your family's feelings in perspective. You are who you are--you can't hide it forever, because it will be destructive both to you and the people around you. Just give yourself some time... It. Will. Get. Better! (*hug*)
Your out status says camping so I think you know things will get better. Could you join some clubs or get a part-time job so you have less time to agonize?
Hi there No, you are not being selfish by coming out when you are ready to come out. Staying in the closet to make others happy is not a healthy thing to do, it's not your job to make them happy. Your responsibility, foremost, is to live a full life and being the best you can be. Living a fake life goes against that, you can never live a full life pretending to be something that you're not. You've mentioned that your family would ask you sometimes whether you are gay... That tells me that they already suspect that you are and that it's not going to be a huge surprise the day you decide to come out... The thing is, parents have dreams for us and it is just as hard for them to let go of those dreams as it is for us. Your dad might have been saying the things he did subconsciously because of his fear that you might be gay, and that is really it, he is scared for your part. It doesn't make it right but at least it points to the fact that he cares for you. Being Catholic adds another dynamic to it all and is another complex issue that they need to deal with. Religion is a tuff nut to crack but you can arm yourself with a lot of good information on the subject that you will find on this forum and on the internet. Suffice to say that there is a lot of good research indicating that being gay is not the big condemnation that a lot of churches make it out to be. After all the biggest thing Christianity teaches us is to love God and each other and not to judge. When the time comes you can point your parents to these web sites so that they can read up on it and make peace with it. You don't have to come out of the closet right now... You can take that step when you are ready for it. In the mean time I think this forum is a great way to discuss the fears you might have and build up a support network for yourself.
I seem to be going down this road and it's absolutely tearing me up inside right now. I honestly think I would have an easier time coming out at this point if I thought my family would be extremely hostile towards it rather than just disappointed. I've never been one to shy away from an argument, but the thought of causing my mom (and maybe my dad?) to cry is an immovable barrier for me right now. If they don't ask (and I'm 27 so not looking good) I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to force myself to do it know matter how much every bit of logic in my head tells me it's the right thing to do and the key to being truly happy. I don't always feel this dramatic about it, but I guess you could say I'm having a rough few days where it's been on my mind almost constantly. You're only 16 -- please don't give up on yourself. I'm 11 years ahead of you on the path you're contemplating and I'm telling you it sucks and is not worth it. Since you're so young don't do it unless you're sure you're in a safe environment, but otherwise don't wait. If you know your parents will provide you with unconditional love, even if they don't approve, answer them honestly the next time they ask you. I'd kill for my parents to ask me just once and I know I'd tell them the truth.
I don't know. I joined the school choir but everyone seems so distant, couldn't be bothered to talk anyway. So yup I am quiet but at times when I'm really lonely I'll try to talk to people. And I am thinking of finding a part time job. Going to look for one ---------- Post added 6th Apr 2014 at 09:59 PM ---------- He does comment about it and says how saddening it is to hear about such atrocious acts that the church commits. But there really isn't anything more than that. ---------- Post added 6th Apr 2014 at 10:01 PM ---------- Haha thanks. I was came up with that username by kinda fusing the words nerd and poop Thanks for the encouragement, I sincerely hope that it will get better. ---------- Post added 6th Apr 2014 at 10:09 PM ---------- Well I did think of confessing to them but I never seem to be able to pluck up my courage to do so. My fear of disappointing them strongly overrides my desire to come out. I do hope that someday I will come out and everybody will be cool about it
Parents are often disappointed with children for their sexuality, career path, friends, clothes, hairstyle... The bottom line though is that good parents want their chilldren to be happy and will support them, no matter what. They may not be abnormally happy about your sexuality but they will respect your courage and appreciate being included in your life.
