Not even close

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time and have been for a while <3

Discovering that you're gay can be difficult but I assure it doesn't have to mean deppression or being socially anxious. I accepted that I was panromantic only around a year ago and, at first, I was confused, nervous, and frightened. I thought that I couldn't be fully okay with who I was. The way I got over it was by joining a local lgtbq community. I'm not really the most social person but everyone there was so nice. They knew what it felt like going through all this.

I'm still not out to my parents, which often makes me upset and anxious. I know that my parents personally wouldn't be okay with it, but I know many kids who have come out their parents an been openly accepted. It's a big step but well worth it.

I know how it is to feel out of place or like you're hiding part of yourself but it doesn't mean you have to be constantly sad or anti-social.

Being gay can be amazing. You can choose to throw away stero-types and just accept yourself. Through this journey, I've learned many new things about myself. I've even ben able to find love, whichI hope you can find too.

I'm sorry these things have been happening to you but I promise there is more to it than that.

Also, if you're having problems with deppression, seeing a therapist can help. I've seen a therapist and it actually does a lot for me. Also, if you want to talk, add me. I'm here any time. <3

 

Do you have any close friends or old friends that you could meet up with again? I know I wouldn't have been able to get through this without the help of my friend Alex.

And, even if you can't get to a local in person meeting, this is a great community right here.

 

First of all, it wasn't a long rant. It's how you feel and you've taken a big step by letting it out. To say how we feel deep inside can be incredibly hard.

I too experienced an emotional crisis in my late teens/early twenties, which was partly due to being in the closet. I did manage to come through it, but I didn't come out until it all started to build up again. I've said before that I was in a war with my feelings and it was burning me out - all the signs of depression and anxiety were mounting in front of me again. So I had two choices, buckle under or dig deep within myself and come out. It would have been so easy to just crash under the weight of it all, but I lost so much of myself to depression the previous time that I didn't want to go back there, so I took the harder path and 'came out'.

Coming out was terrifying and an ordeal. I was so frightened of rejection and being left alone with no friends or support (there was no Empty Closets back then) and I made numerous failed attempts to say it. I started dropping subtle hints, but I knew I was going to have to say the words eventually and after leaving home I managed it. I did actually write a letter and nearly posted it, but saying it eventually became my choice.

I will not pretend this is an easy process, because it's not. There are so many scary feelings and multiple questions spinning around all of the time. You think of little else... it becomes a bit of a monster and the only way to slay it is to face it down. If it's stopped you from making friends it must seem doubly hard, but remember this site is all about supporting people through this process. Some of us have done it, some of us are thinking about it, some of us are still a long way off, but we all have the benefit of personal and shared experience and mutual understanding and support.

It sounds like you are in that place where it's constantly there and distracting you from living, and in many ways that's pushing you closer to the door than you might imagine. People remain comfortably in the closet when they can switch off and pick up everything else. These are the people who might get to 40/50/60 years old. You are about the same age as me, when I made the decision and you seem to be in a similar place.

I'm not saying "I know how you feel" because I don't - it's your journey and nobody will experience it quite like you, but I think I might have a good idea.

I can't advise you or tell you what to do, but this is a good war to lose, if you can let yourself.

 

Okay, so how would you feel sharing some of your worries and fears with us? Tell us exactly what you are thinking, rather than locking it away inside and let's see if we can help and support you. I'm interested enough to have replied.

 

Rejection can be difficult and I'm still dealing with this myself. As I mentioned earlier, I still haven't come out to my parents (who are active promoters of traditional mariage). Still, many of my friends have come out and have been accepted. Often, parents are accepting of their children no matter what. My girlfrind came out to her parents and they were actually excited! They loved her just as much and were thrilled to meet me.

I, of course, don't know how your parents or piers will respond but I feel they'll support you. Have they ever expressed an objection to homosexuality? If not, you could try bringing it up in a conversation and see what they say.

As for being nervous from the unknown, I can tell you that there are good things waiting for you in some way. No matter what happens, it has to be better than how things are now.

Still, donmt feel the need to rush things. Come out when you're ready and only when you're ready.

 

I'm sorry that you've had a rough time, I hope that you'll soon be back to your cheery young self like before. You know at one point you were like that, and you can be like that again.

Since you feel like you need to come out, then I think you should. You don't have to come out to the world all at once, you could start with your parents. Think about it, if you don't want your life to continue the path it's on now, then you need to do something to change it. We don't know for sure if it will be a good change, but at least it will be a change, and that may be worth the risk to come out.

That sucks that your anxiety has sabatoged your ability to gain friends. Perhaps a psychiatrist can prescribe meds for the anxiety. On the bright side, not having any close friends means that you don't have to fear rejection from them. If you came out, every new person you meet will know that you are gay, and if they accept that then they've already became a good candidate to be your friend. No more fear of rejection from people you know, just strangers that aren't worth getting to know anyway!

 

Do you suppose you will be rejected? I thought I would be rejected too and it didn't actually happen (well, not amongst the people who really mattered anyway). Is there something specific that makes you think it will happen to you?

I can't pretend that your fears are without foundation, as they are all genuine concerns and anxieties and it is totally normal to experience them and feel them. It's also normal to be scared to death of confronting them. Just because I've managed it, doesn't make me any better or stronger than you. I was actually shaking and crying when I told my parents and almost choking on the words. I wouldn't say I was coping with it, but I just had to do it (for my sanity too). Like I said, I was going to write the letter, but I opted out of that approach for my own reasons.

There are uncertainties, but I'm not sure they are any greater than other uncertain things in life, it's just how we build them up in our own minds. You will still be the same person you've always been, with one exception - you'll be out and able to 'breathe'. I haven't radically changed as a result of being gay and out of the closet. My values and ideas about life remain the same and my interests are still the same (maybe a bit broader). We are not completely defined by our sexuality - it is but one part of who we are.

Use this forum for support (and friendship). I think it is possible to feel the warmth from other people on here.. even though you don't know them and they may be in other countries. If you've got a long way to go, let us go there with you.

 

When you're coming out, starting with the more important people can be hard. If you go to a university, a church, or some sort of activity, coming out to an accepting friend first can help. It will help you to come to terms with what you feel and who you are. They are almost sure to accept it and, as yousaid, having someone who knows can be important and helpful.

 

Hey buddy, you've made the right choice to join this forum and it's a good start, so give yourself a tap on the shoulder as you've already taken the first step in the right direction.

There's a number of positives I can see right now, you are still young, 22 is still at the very beginning of your adult life so unlike me you haven't thrown away years and years of your youth!

Another positive is that you've already figured yourself out.... You know that you are gay and to me it looks like you've accepted it... That's half the battle won already!

Finally, you've made a decision to work on it by joining this group, so things are about to get better just by talking about it with members on this forum.

It is obvious to me that you are depressed at the moment, and that is understandable. I don't know what your personal position is, but it might be a good idea to go speak to your doctor about it, he might be able to prescribe some meds that will help you out of it giving you a clear mind to tackle everything else. If it's not severe you can also try to to do some exercise daily which will get your body to produce endorphins and lift your mood, so think about that as a little side step that you can do to lift your spirits.

Then you've mentioned above that you couldn't join a lgtb group for fear that someone might recognise you and word would get out... I'm thinking you should put those fears aside as individuals in those groups know exactly what you are going trough as they are in exactly the same boat as you and are more likely to support you than go around and gossip about it. I think it's highly unlikely that it's going to blow your cover... In the event that you do recognise someone, go over and talk to them and ask them to keep it to themselves until you are ready to out yourself, it's a reasonable request and one I'm sure any person that understands your struggle will respect. The thing is, by joining a lgtb group you are likely to meet new and interesting people who understand what you are going trough and who will most likely be open to friendship, and that is what you need right now, friends who can be there for you as a support network. They are out there but you will need to take that first step.

Someone else mentioned seeing a counsellor and if that is in your means to do I'd also highly recommend you do that. Bouncing off ideas and getting a different perspective is immensely helpful.

Of course, you also have us to talk to and bounce off ideas.

Remember, there is no rule that says you have to come out now... You can do that when you feel comfortable in doing so... In the mean time, let's get you out of that dark mood and on the road to a happy life!