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According to what you determine your sexual orientation?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by paris, Apr 8, 2014.

  1. paris

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    According to what you determine your sexual orientation, according to the emotional or the physical aspect?

    I know it depends on a person how they label themselves but it makes me puzzled anyway.
    What I mean is, sometimes a woman who occasionally sleeps with men still labels herself lesbian because according to her with men it's just physical, hence not such a big deal :eek:, whereas with women it's both physical and emotional. Then there are girls who label themselves bisexuals but you can see that they obviously are not into sex with men much, or can't have sex with men at all. :confused:
     
    #1 paris, Apr 8, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2014
  2. happydavid

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    You are who you are. Labels aren't the be end and all end. What the person is sometimes distracts us from getting to know who the person is. You make up your own mind. I'm bi because I like both but I prefer men
     
  3. Lipstick Leuger

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    I go with Queer Femme.

    I can't' say I am gold star lesbian as I have dated and slept with too many men in the past, not all of it was horrible, some was really, really nice and a few I cared for deeply. Maybe not as a partner, but surely as a friend and confidant. I don't really want a relationship with a male, I feel fufilled with women, unlike men. I can't say I would never be with a man again, but I would not look for a man. If I fell over the 'right' man, I would have to go from there. I suppose it makes me truly Bisexual. I have always said I am more than just lesbian......so, I settled for Queer Femme. I like that and it feels right to me.
     
  4. Orange Bananas

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    Some people make big deals out of things other people think are small in orientation.
     
  5. sldanlm

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    I'm currently in a relationship with guy. I love him and enjoy what we do together sexually. Prior to this relationship I had one with a woman. I loved her and enjoyed what we did together sexually just as much. If my current relationship ends I may go back to dating women. So I guess that makes be bisexual. As far as physical attraction though, I only have it for women in general and my BF in particular. I've never felt like I've had a general physical attraction to guys, not even my BF before I fell in love with him. So I guess that makes me demi sexual? So I guess for me, with males, the emotional component influences my physical desire. With women, the physical part is easy, but I still need to love the woman before I will have a sexual relationship with her.
     
    #5 sldanlm, Apr 8, 2014
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  6. mikey1345

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    I realized I'm gay because of who I wanted to have an intimate relationship with, not just physical, but who I wanted to be emotionally initiate with. The physical portion is important too, I don't get aroused by girls. I can say I have never slept with a girl (or a guy) but I already know I have no desire to sleep with girl.
     
  7. Radioactive Bi

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    Ultimately, it's just down to how you feel. It doesn't matter whist you call yourself, but more about who you have an attraction to, be it sexually or romantically.

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  8. MyTruth2013

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    I have asked myself this question plenty of times. I myself have never 'gone all the way' with a man, however, it has never deminished my attraction to the opposite sex and am almost certain if I fell in love with someone of the opposite sex I could be aroused! All of my intimate sexual relations have been with same sex partners. But I still define myself as bi, just because I know l have managed to have emotional connections with men. Confusing, I know, but I hate labels...
     
  9. stocking

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    For myself I go with both physical and emotional and I only feel that way towards women and not men .
    I think for some lesbian that sleep with men it really depends on why their sleeping with the man in the first place on if their lesbian or not .
    but if your attracted to men and sleep with them and just mostly date women I don't really think your lesbian if you have that attraction . In my opinion your bisexual with a preference for women . Put some lesbian can not be attracted to a man and enjoy sex with them but like I said depends on the reason they having sex with the man in the first place.
    I use to label myself bi and not have sex with men at all and not even want to , I couldn't get how women would make a fuss about how they were so horny and wanted men . Well as you can see I' realized I'm actually gay that 's why I couldn't get it lol:grin:
     
    #9 stocking, Apr 9, 2014
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  10. MyTruth2013

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    You may be right! I know that I'm definently attracted to women, but as soon as I try to put that lesbian label on I think but what about him and him??? Hummmmm... As long as I still think yum, I gotta say I'm bi with preference for women... But sometimes I think it would be easier coming out and just picking a side... Especially with the whole biaphobia... :frowning2:
    Favorite quote:
    “You know what I hate most of all in the whole wide world?...More than people who think that if you're bisexual it means you'll fuck absolutely anyone (especially them)?”
    ― Alan Cumming, Tommy's Tale
     
  11. musicgirl18

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    This ^^^^ Exactly. Except the bi part. I have never identified as bi. I've always been a kind of all or nothing girl. Even when I dated the only bf I've ever had, I was still a dyke. :grin:
     
  12. Takine

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    Who I can and do love-which is both (usually at once...which pains me greatly)
     
  13. Fallingdown7

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    For me, It's sex. I view who you want to have sex with as more important than who you want to be in a relationship with when it comes to sexuality. Some may think the opposite, and that's fine, but that's not how I choose to label my sexuality.

    I do only think of women when it comes to love, romance, and dating. But I also get some 'fuzzies' for guys and can be somewhat affectionate with them (Not too much). BUT- If I were to imagine sex with a man- I can't. My mind shuts down and I get very close to vomiting. Those repulsed reactions were what made me 'know', despite previous 'crushes' I had on guys while I was questioning.

    I'm not saying that sex is more important than love in relationships. I'm not a sexual person myself. However, what I am saying is that I don't like my sexuality being -based- off of only romance because it would give straight guys the impression that they would have permission to screw me casually while being aware that I only -date- women. That's not the case for my sexuality at all. I'd rather be romantic with a guy than be sexual with one, but if I had to choose- I'd pick neither and just go with women both ways.
     
  14. wanderinggirl

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    Screw biphobia. If the shoe fits, who cares who likes it? It has to go on your foot. You have to walk around in it day in and day out.

    For me I think emotions and physical attractions usually co-occur, but sometimes emotions appear before physical attraction and sometimes it's the other way around.