Advice?

I am in almost the same situation luckily I have one or two friends who I have spoke to. Coming out is not easy. You have to make your own decisions on who you tell. If you need someone I'm here

 

Coming out is a walk into the unknown and that's what makes it so scary. It's very difficult to guess how people will react - some will be great about it, others will tolerate without any real enthusiasm, but there are some people will be ignorant or downright nasty. Not knowing how people will react has a stifling effect and it can seem easier to just keep quiet and stay in the closet. It often feels safer in the closet, but at the same time is suffocating.

I was lucky as the important people in my life were accepting of my sexuality, but I have encountered some negativity along the way too. It's not nice when people judge you on the basis of one small detail about your life, but there are some very ignorant and narrow minded people in the world. I've now reached a point where I don't give a ****, but it's not always been like that.

I'm pleased you've been able to reconcile your orientation and religious beliefs - the two are not incompatible. God doesn't hate us and the Bible doesn't actually condemn us (if you read it carefully and examine the context and original language in a bit of detail).

Coming out to your parents is a huge step though and I cannot deny that. You need to be extra careful if you live under your parents roof as you could find yourself homeless, or worse, if things go wrong. Unless you can be sure of a positive reaction, it's always best to avoid that confrontation until you can stand on your own feet. Not easy when your heart and mind are telling you to do the opposite, but safety and security first.

Attitudes are changing across the world, but there is still a way to go. In some countries and states conservative values are entrenched and coming out will always be an ordeal, so the best thing we can do is build ourselves up and be prepared to move on. It does mean being quite hard headed, but it's sometimes the only way to protect ourselves and our emotional well being. There are times when we need to create our own families and networks are realise that the best 'relatives' are not always those we were born to.

You may be pleasantly surprised if/when you manage to come out, but do prepare yourself for other eventualities if your family is quite conservative/traditional. You are young, so you have time on your side, but staying in the closet long term will do you a lot of damage.

I'm pleased you shared how you are feeling. Don't keep things bottled up.

 

Haha first of all, hello! from a fellow Georgian

Coming out is a really hard thing to do, and I don't see much of a point in that, but it is. When I came out, I almost passed out and I swear I lost my hearing for a good minute because I was so psyched at what I just said.
I understand where you're coming from, the whole religious background. My mother is a Conservative Mormon and my dad a Southern-Raised Baptist. Coming out to family like that is even harder, but it's possible. You're 19, almost ready for getting out of the house ASAP I'm guessing, if your dad disowns you make sure he does it after you get out of the house.

Also, remember that if they don't love you because you don't love like they do, then you don't need them. I've lost plenty of friends from coming out and I've lost contact with a few family members as well. But remember that those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter. People saying that family is something that can't be broken and can never truly be split up are lying, because you can so easily drop all contact with a family member for good.

Be YOU, be who YOU want to aspire to be. Be DIFFERENT and stand OUT. Get out of Georgia if you need to, get away from negativity, and find who YOU are and who you want to be.

Remember there are always people who love you, and there will always be people who accept you. Even the people you'd least expect.

 

I didn't feel strong enough or confident enough to come out at your age - I wasn't even near the letter writing stage! Don't underestimate how far you have come already, you are doing better than you imagine.

I can't say it will be easy for you when you finallly make the decision to come out, but you can start building up some defences and resilience now, in preparation for that day. That might mean saving money to get your own place (if needed) and making friends on here and possibly elsewhere, so you have support and people to turn to. If you are shy, online friendships may be easier right now - you'd be surprised how valuable they can be. If you can make a few good LGBT friends in Georgia, even better.

 

Jethro,

I have nothing to add to the good advice you've already gotten, except to say, as other here have said again and again, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

We all have to build our own community and family and support network. Don't feel you need to hurry. Take your time, feel secure, then do what you must. It will be OK.

(*hug*) /Ed.

 

Jethro,

For some reason, the South has long been a place of racial and sexuality intolerance. I believe the source is religion based. People constantly say things like "the Bible says this, or the Bible says that", as though a book thousands of years old, translated dozens of times, and full of ambiguous and barely decipherable out-of-context phrases, interpreted to them by "preachers" adding their own interpretation should be a reason to disown their own children who are formed by their own genes, when they try to honestly say what they are feeling inside. There is something wrong in their heads that logic and reason is unlikely to overcome, because their ability to think and reason has been subcontracted out to this religious process that wants to do their thinking for them. You can try to explain your own feelings and interpretations and try to get them to accept that instead of the dogma they have been exposed to all their lives, but I seriously doubt you are going to make a lot of headway with the process of convincing them that homosexuality is "right" for you, even if it is "wrong" to them.

Ultimately, you are going to have leave your parents' nest and find your way to a less hostile environment to fully live and enjoy your life, free of people who are trying to "save" you from your evil ways. The only problem you have with doing that right now is that you are to some extent probably still dependent on them, particularly if you are going to go to college. The financial aid process is going to assume that they are providing you support, even if you insist that you have been "disowned". So, if you are going to attain a higher education as a 19 year-old, you are probably going to have to stay in the closet to them; the same would apply if you are simply going to go to work but continue to live in their house. You may have to become fully financially independent of them in order to live the authentic life you need to live to "be yourself". If you believe that there is a purpose for your being gay, and want to attribute this to some God rather than some genetically determinable process, then you must also accept that this is the way you were intended to be and that there is nothing wrong with you for your parents to criticize or disown, whether they share your belief or not. Let them have their beliefs, but keep your own to yourself for now and find a way to live your life outside their influence as soon as you can. Maybe they will wake up one day and realize that their myopic version of "truth" has deprived them of close contact with their children and the grandchildren which you and your partner will someday have.