So, after YEARS, my mother finally recognized that I'm trans and we talked about it and everything seems OK but I still feel she doesn't get it. She still refers to me as "she" and "daughter." Moreover, she told me I just needed to "dress conservatively" so as not to attract attention - I already dress well so, not sure what that even meant... And then she referred to other transmen as "females in tank tops with hairy armpits" and to transwomen as "guys in heels." Really, I almost screamed. I mean, for me, OK, whatever but don't pick on girls!!! Argh. I really get so angry about this!! :tantrum: I just feel like she thinks being trans is wrong but is just dealing with it in my case - still a step forward and I am grateful but argh... Thoughts?
It's up to you how you handle it...all I know is my mum did something similar and I spent over a month systematically destroying every single negative thing she said...it was not a pleasant time. It worked in the end but it certainly wasn't fun. Thing is, it's all well and good thinking that she needs time to come to terms with everything, BUT she is coming to terms with something else. You want her to come to terms with you being trans. She is trying to come to terms with you being a girl that dresses like a guy...and even then she wants you to not do it because she doesn't want bad things to happen. She's trying to accept that you have 'urges' not that this is your identity.
How long did it take for you to realise/acknowledge your gender identity? I imagine it took a while. So, for your mum, who has known you as "she" and "daughter" for all these years, will need a lot of time to get user to it. Habits are hard to break. Your mum may get it right a couple of times, but she's gonna make a lot of mistakes and not necessarily to have a dig, it's just absent mindedness. As for her remarks about ftms and mtfs, that was rude, ignorant and offensive, so I can understand your anger. Sit her down and explain to her how such comments affect you. I doubt she realised how cutting her remarks were. ---------- Post added 12th Apr 2014 at 12:35 PM ---------- That may be so but denial is a powerful thing. You had to spell it out for her in order to get her to acknowledge that you're trans. It will need time and patience to get through this with your mum.
That's exactly my point. On her own she's never going to get to where you need her to be. You've got to get her there yourself, if that means telling her outright that you sure as hell aren't 'dressing conservatively' then do it.
