Hi there! I just need to talk to someone and get stuff off my chest as well. I realized I was attracted to girls when I was 14 years old. It took me a few years to come to terms with it but I got there. Flash foward 10 years later and I'm still in the closet. I had always told myself that I would come out after high school but that never happened. A little bit of backstory. The only family I have is my mom. My dad and I are not close and I have no siblings. My mom and I are extremely close because we are all each other has. Throughout the years I have come out to my mom but she refuses to accept it. When I bring it up she always says ''Not in my backyard'' and carries on pretending that I'm straight. She's always talking about my future husband and tries to set me up with ANY guy she deems cute. This might sound stupid but the reason I haven't/won't come out officially is because of her. She has always been my biggest supporter and been there for me. If she was accepting then I would come out because I wouldn't care what anyone thought because my mom would have my back. But not having that support kills me. Having gone a decade keeping this in has been incredibly difficult. I did finally come out to a friend a few weeks ago and she was very supportive but she is straight and therefore can't understand. I need to talk to like-minded people. I should also mention that my mom is NOT religious so I don't really get why she hates it.
Idk it seems weird. Does she really want grandchildren or something like that? (though of course you could still have a family with a female partner)
No, she doesn't care if I have kids or not. It's not even about WHY she doesn't accept me, it's that she DOESN'T accept me. I don't know if I can ever come out without her support. Is that weird? Thanks for replying
i am a similar boat to you so I truly empathise with how you are feeling right now, why don't you write a letter and explain it all. Do you have anyone else that can help you?
I can emphasise with you for I also have an extremely close relationship with my mother over my father and she keeps insisting I'm straight and refuses to associate me with gay men If you need someone to talk i'm there though
lezgirlsonly27, I don't think writing a letter would help but thanks for the suggestion. I really think I'm on my own in this. I mean, my friend that I told, what could she possibly do, except listen. I was kind of toying with the idea of asking her to go to the Pride Parade (when it happens) as my straight ally but I don't know.
Gosh I can relate so much to all of this. My mom reacted the same way whenever I dropped little hints over the years about being gay, she didn't want to hear it and went on acting as if I was just confused and needed to meet the right girl. To this day she's dead set against the thought of me being gay and still in denial about it. Not having that family support is the reason I've stayed in the closet as long as I have so I know how difficult and suffocating that can feel. Just know that you're not alone, and hopefully talking to folks here will give you a support system you can turn to
Wow, that's an incredibly frustrating situation that you're in!! You know, you might have to 'force' your mom into accepting you. As you said, you are ALL she has, and I'm sure she would NOT want to lose you over something as petty as this. She probably just needs time. I know it is INCREDIBLY difficult, but keep mentioning it to her. Tell her how you feel and how hard it has been for you. Maybe even write a letter or email. Let her know that you want to get out there and meet somebody that is right for you, and that her acceptance would give you the boost you need to do so. If non of that works and she refuses to accept you for who you are still, don't let that stop you from getting out there and meeting an awesome girl! You might bring home girlfriends for 30 years straight and your mom may stay in denial if that is how she feels. To her they may be 'just your friends'. If that remains the case, let her think whatever she wants to think but don't let it stop you from being happy... you CAN have both, you know. A mom that is in denial AND and awesome relationship with the girl. You may just have to be willing to accept her attitude for what it is. (Although I still have hope that she'd change!)
I never thought about coming out regardless if my mom accepted it or not. But I might have to sooner or later because every day I feel unhappy. It just keeps building up to the point where I cry myself to sleep most nights or I think ''Made it through another day.'' How do you do it? Come out without family support? It seems horrible.
(*hug*) I'm so sorry about your situation. And I know it seems awful to try to live your life freely, regardless of family support. But that is the choice you have. As you already know, choking off your life for your mother's "sake" is doing literally that: choking your life to death. If there is a drowning person that you're trying to save, but they're fighting you and taking you under with them, what are you going to do? Continue to struggle with them so that you both drown?--or grieve their choice, move on, and let them go? -continuing to live? I pray you'll choose life. You're worth living. And being happy and fulfilled. Your mother will catch up to you, once you cut the emotional umbilical cord strangling you that your dread of losing her is. I know it's terrifying. But dying by degrees - by suffocation of your emotional self & spirit - becomes even more so, over time. (Been there.) (*hug*) Take care. You can do this. <3 I'm here to write to, if you need extra support.
Thank you I've actually decided to come out to a couple more people in the next few weeks. The one friend I came out to, I'm really close with her family. They are kind of like my adopted family. I'm going to write her parents a letter. They are more open-minded than my mom.
I came out to two more people yesterday by letter. They said they understand and accept me as I am. I'm so happy
