This is the Week That My Dad Finds Out

Have you told her that you're not ready to tell him?
I'm sorry I'm not really on the times but did you tell her you were gay or did she find out some other way?

 

Ouch.
That's a little harsh.

Well if anything you HAVE to tell him before your mom does.

In that case you would show them that you've still got balls ya know?

I'm going to guess you've already told her you didn't choose to be gay.

Maybe if you tell her "You didn't choose to be straight, I didn't choose to be gay. Why in the world would I want to be a way that is frowned upon by so many people?" Or something like that.

 

ouch. that sucks!

how do you expect your dad to react?? im sure you already tried but... how about to counteract the "if youre so comfortable with it" saying .. "im not sooo comfortable with it. its a huge deal for me and thats why i didnt tell you but i wanted to tell you in my own time..."

 

She's playing chicken with you. You've got three options.

1. Call her bluff.
2. Cave.
3. Try to get her to stop.

1. Tell her, "OK, go ahead and tell him." There IS a chance she won't tell him. But I don't think this is the right way to go. If she DOES tell him (which seems likely), it takes you out of the driver's seat. And if she DOESN'T tell him, it'll make the relationship pretty damn weird for a while.

2. Do tell your father. That'll mean finding the best way to do it. Hand him a letter?

3. Talk to your mother. She seems to be confusing two seperate issues. You're presumably comfortable with the knowledge that you're gay, which would make you comfortable being gay. However, you're still worried about how people's relationships with you will change once they find out, especially somebody who's in as close proximity to you as your father. Tell her you're working on it, but you need to build up more confidence before letting him know. Which is part of the reason you're talking to ECers in the first place.

Lex

 

I'm sorry that she is trying to force you into coming out. Have you told your mom that you aren't ready to tell him yet? If not tell her and explain that coming out is a hard thing to do and that you wanted to wait until you were ready to tell her but it didn't work out so you would at least like the opportunity to wait until you're ready to tell your dad.

If you have told her you aren't ready yet then try telling her again, tell her you will tell him when the time is right. Explain to her how you are feeling about the situation and explain to her that telling one or both of your parents is a huge deal.

Good luck! I hope it works out.

Sam

 

Awww, Brett, I didn't know this was going on.

I'm sorry that your mom is trying to get you to come out before you're ready. I know you've had some problems with her in the past, but, when did she bring up this ultimatum? Has she threatened this before?

Lex is right. You have three choices. I can't tell you which choice to choose, because I don't know the situation as intimately as you do. But, it can't HURT to try and get her to stop. If that doesn't work, then you finally have to choose between the two other ones.

I hope that whatever choice you choose turns out okay. Remember that we're all rooting for you.

(*hug*)

Be sure to tell us what goes down.

 

I would recommend talking to your mother first and foremost. What she's doing to you here is unreasonable and wrong. Try to make her see it from her perspective, and tell her you're not ready for your father to find out just yet. Let her know that you WILL tell him, but you need a lot more time to really be ready.

If she's unwilling to bend, then you should tell your father yourself. Spend this week getting yourself ready psychologically for your father's reaction. Some people recommend handing him a letter, but I find it's better to tell him in person. Your voice is the best way to relay information, even if you're nervous and have trouble getting the words out. Also, considering your mom doesn't seem very supportive, it would be best to do this alone with your father or with someone who you know will be supportive.

Best of luck. (*hug*) Let us know how it turns out.

 

It sounds like she's not very comfortable with your sexuality. She referred to it as a "choice"? It sounds like she hopes you'll "decide not to be gay" if the alternative is coming right out, or maybe she hopes that your Dad will be able to scare you out of being gay. Either way, she seems to have an issue with your sexuality. Have you talked to her about the fact that you haven't chosen this, it's just who you are, etc? Maybe you should give her some PFLAG materials. If she starts to really accept your sexuality, she'll realise that it's your choice when you inform others of your legitimate sexuality.

 

I like Lex's answer.

I was going to type up something REALLY unusual (trust me, you don't want to think like I do) that probably wouldn't make sense after reading it like 3 times, but I didn't want you to get confused or misled