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I hate the damn closet!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by gaynerd64, Apr 14, 2014.

  1. gaynerd64

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    Title says it all.
     
  2. TheShyGuy

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    Same here.

    It seems that the last few weeks, it's only getting more and more frustrating being in it.
     
  3. mbanema

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    You don't have to convince me. I blame pretty much everything negative in my life on being closeted.
     
  4. XenaxGabby

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    Totally! Nothing but endless suffocation and shame.
     
  5. Jeff

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    Yes, it can be a drag to be in the closet. But take it slow, and remember that all of your problems don't disappear just because you are out.

    Coming out is a long process that one must keep repeating. It really does get better, that much is true.
     
  6. PatrickUK

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    One thing all of you guys need to bear in mind is that you are actually exploring how you feel and starting to come out by telling us on EC. Okay, so we don't know you in real time, but it's a start and coming out is a process that has to start somewhere, so why not on here where it feels safe? It might not feel like much to you right now, but hopefully, in the fullness of time you will be able to look back and see that this was the beginning of your journey.

    The next part of the journey may be more difficult, but you have the opportunity to establish a network of support and friendship on here that could be significant as you take those next steps. The support and encouragement of some lovely internet friends was really crucial in my own coming out journey 15 years ago and these people were the first to know I was gay. I'm still in touch with some of them to this day.

    Don't underestimate what you are doing by joining and participating in this forum. You have opened the closet door and we can all help you move past it (even if it's an inch by inch process).
     
  7. XenaxGabby

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    Linco, I get where you are coming from but it is a heck of a lot easier to come out to other LGBT people then it is straight people.
     
  8. PatrickUK

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    Sure it is. I totally understand that EC is a safe place to come out, but I just think it's worth recognising that you are actually coming out on here. It's a small step, just nudging open that closet door and letting the light in and the journey will be harder, but, you are making a start.

    :slight_smile: & (*hug*)
     
  9. XenaxGabby

    XenaxGabby Guest


    Just wondering, is your signature a ''Sound of Music'' reference? Love it!
     
  10. PatrickUK

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    Sure is. :slight_smile: We all need to follow those rainbows
     
  11. Nessarose

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    Do you guys mind my asking why, if you hate it so much, do you not come out? Really, I hate it too, but it's nice to be out to those that I have told.
     
  12. MyTruth2013

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    Sometimes I wonder... Would the freedom of being out and possibly judged by 'friends' and 'loved ines' forever changing you relationships out weigh the complete shameful suffocation and anxiety of being barried in the closet? Sometimes it feels like I carry a boulder on my back... Crushing! I would love to be free to say I am who I am. So terrifying!
     
  13. me123

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    I think the part I am most scared about is that all these people around me have known a different me for so long then who I really am. So I just don't know how they will react. I know I have a couple good friends that would be completely understanding, but I know I also know a few who would not be for it at all. It gets frustrating a lot of the time. That is why I am so happy I joined this site so I can talk about the things I want to in an open, non-judgemental community.

    I am currently working up the nerve to talk to a friend of mine who is out. We are not super close, but I know she would be someone who is understanding and helpful.
     
  14. TheShyGuy

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    Because some of us just simply can't. If you're like me, you have homophobic parents who you already don't have a great relationship with, and if you came out to them, things could go south, quickly. Stuff like that. I'd love to come out, but at this point in time in my life, I can't.
     
  15. mbanema

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    Everyone has their reasons. Some people are not in a safe environment, some live with family they don't believe would be accepting, some fear for losing their jobs, and some (like me) know it's absolutely the best course of action but are still too chicken to make it happen.

    It can be an extremely intimidating, difficult thing to do, especially when faced with the people that matter to you the most.
     
  16. Jethro702

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    I wonder about this all the time. But yes it does suck not truly being who you are to most of those around you, but I am damn sure glad I have people here and various other areas of the interwebs that do know who I really am.... w/out them I'd be all alone telling no one who I am and acting as myself like I can't do in real life.... Nudging the closet door here has been a big help.
     
  17. Jeff

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    There is a time to come out and slowly begin to be completely out, or partially out.

    Then there is also the time to not come out.

    When I was not ready to be out, I never made up lies, I simply did not reveal what I didn't want to reveal to certain people. I think that is being out to yourself but not others. I think this is fine as long as you don't get into a relationship deeply and do not disclose this to the other person. It's the lies that can eat at you and create even more conflict.
     
  18. PatrickUK

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    It's those unknown reactions that stifle so many of us and keep us behind the closet door for so long. It was my biggest fear too, but the reality was not so bad. I'm not saying it was plain sailing all the way, as my relationship with some family members remains cool and distant to this day (I came out 16 years ago) and I did lose some friends... BUT, I have gained far more than I lost. I now have a partner who loves me and I have made new friends - true friends - who have supported and sustained me through some really difficult and far worse life events, than coming out. More than that, I am now true to myself and feel liberated from the darkness of the closet and the depression it caused.

    Coming out does feel scary as you are taking a walk into unknown and uncertain territory with the possibility of negative and hostile reactions, but you can all do it! I did it, so can you - I have no reason to believe that I am any stronger or more determined than the next person on here.

    Before coming out build up your support networks and defences, just in case you need them, and definitely choose who to tell first carefully. Parents are not always the best people to tell first.

    My best advice would be to read the many threads and stories on this forum to give you ideas about how (and maybe how not to) approach your own coming out journey. There is a wealth of information and experience on here... and support. :slight_smile: