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How do I tell people about my sexual orientation?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Skaros, Apr 15, 2014.

  1. Skaros

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    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Currently, only 2 of my friends know, but I've never told my family. I'm pretty sure my parents might know I'm gay, and I base that off the way they talk to me about LGBT topics. They've also caught me visiting gay websites before, both sexually explicit and ones related to LGBT suicide. My mom was arguing with my step dad and she said "I do support gay marriage. I support him... I mean them." When she said "him", she was referring to me. There's other instances like this, but this is all I will say for now.

    I know my friends are all pretty much LGBT accepting people. One of them, who is straight, even ranted about Russia's anti-gay laws. It's just I don't know how to get my message out. I really DON'T want to be one of those guys who constantly reminds people of their sexual orientation. When I come out, I will only tell people who ask. Some of my friends even participated in the Day of Silence, and they would be totally fine with me being gay. No matter what, I always feel pressure when addressing that matter. I told my lesbian friend I was gay, and even then I had trouble telling her.

    I don't intend to come out too soon. But I do plan to do be fully out before I turn 18. Can anyone tell me how to get your message across?
     
  2. BookDragon

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    If you know people will be OK with it, personally I'd just try and slip it in casually to people.

    When I told most of my friends we were all listening to music in one of their houses and somehow we got talking about sex and things and I just said "Well I'm bi" and went from there...
     
  3. XenaxGabby

    XenaxGabby Guest

    You could wait and see if it's brought up in conversation. If your friends are discussing their crushes and they ask you, you could mention said crushes by name. That's pretty loud and clear in my books.
     
  4. PeytonRose

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    Both of the above suggestions are excellent by any sense of the word. Make sure you tell your most accepting friends first and try to build yourself a support network first. That's the most important thing by far. It's what I did, I told my closest friends first, siblings, and branched out from there. The hardest part is gaining the courage to tell anyone to begin with. It sucks, it makes you worried but you have to do what you feel is right in your heart.
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    If you are struggling to get the words out you could consider writing a note or letter for all of them to express how you really feel. You'll not be the first! If you look on some previous coming out threads on EC, you'll see how others have done just that.
     
  6. LadyLover

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    Just try to be casual about it. I came out to my mom over text and she probably told my dad, I think text might be a good idea for you.

    -LadyLover :kiss:(!)
     
  7. STM29

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    I just don't hide it.
    When there are brought up themes about it in everyday conversations, I just tell it straight away.

    But I don't go to people and tell them out of the nowhere without context "Oh hey, did you know, I'm actually gay" :grin: Don't wanna look like a weirdo and don't wanna make it a big deal :icon_wink

    Some situations from my experiences:
    - Friends ask what I'm going to do at the weekend or in my vacances.
    And I just answer honestly. When I'm going to check out the new lesbian party in town or go to the gay pride in summer, I tell this.

    - Someone asks me if I'm in a relationship.
    I say that I'm in a relationship with a beautiful girl.

    - Female friends ask me about my opinion to a guy they find attractive.
    I don't really show interest. When they ask why, or what's my type of guy, I tell them that I'm actually gay and not interested in guys.

    There are so much more situations like these..these above are just three examples to show you what I mean.

    My experience from that is, the more comfortable you feel with telling all this straight away and the more open you are about it, the less people will judge you/react bad/or something like that. Most time I just get a "Oh ok" or "cool" or "Ah I didn't knew that" or something in this direction.
    I don't make it a big deal and so others don't make it either. :slight_smile:

    P.s. English isn't my first language and I'm writing from my mobile phone, so please forgive mistakes and typos :slight_smile:
     
  8. Yossarian

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    Just tell them if they ask, and don't tell anyone who doesn't ask. When you are ready to be fully out, all the important people will probably already know. Once you tell a few, expect more to come to you and ask; word spreads around via gossip pretty fast.
     
  9. OGS

    OGS
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    When I have had the occasion to have to tell someone--I went through a period in my life shortly after I started coming out where women kept forming weird attractions to me--I always make an offhanded comment about someone I find attractive. It doesn't have to be a real person you know if that would be awkward--a celebrity will do. It gets the message across, or at least puts the notion out there, without being any kind of announcement.
     
  10. rarity von 666

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    I say befriends with them and get to know them well and when the subject about gays come up, ask them how do they feel about them. That's what I would do.
     
  11. PatrickUK

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    That's pretty much how I let people know now. I did sit my parents, sister and best straight friend down for a 'chat', but since then it's always been something I drop into conversation. Feels more natural to me... sitting folks down is a bit of a show stopper!