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I'm gay and my friends are homophobic I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by sasha30, Apr 17, 2014.

  1. sasha30

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    I'm 17 and a lesbian, I came out to my mother who is supportive, I have a girlfriend of 7 months, but my friends are very homophobic. They're all strict Christians which I think is mostly to do with it, but it really upsets me when they make comments. They're not homophobic towards gay guys which I think is the worst of it, but are those silly straight girls that think every lesbian is a sexual predator, they've joked about a time one time a girl tried to kiss her and it was the most disgusting thing to ever happen to her, and when I've been with them and seen two girls kiss in public one feigned vomiting, another said it was the most disgusting thing she's ever seen and when they bring it up to laugh at I have to laugh along. They've told me about another friend of mine that isn't their friend with disgust how they overheard her talking to someone else about possibly being bi and they mock her, its really quite awful.

    This doesn't make them bad people I'm sure it was just how they were raised and their culture, and I still love them, and I have no desire to ever come out to them, but their homophobic comments really get to me and I don't want them to see that. I do believe that if I came out to them they wouldn't be accepting and I would lose them as friends, but I don't know what I should do to deal with this.
     
  2. Jinkies

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    I say come out to them. If you lose them as friends, they weren't your friends to begin with. I always hate saying that, but it's really true. You have some pretty good friends aside from them, it sounds like, and your family situation is good. If this group of girls tosses you aside, then they should have never considered you a friend, if all they follow is "I'm friends with anyone but the gays". On the flip side to that, it may spark something with them and they may end their atrocious behavior. I wouldn't count on it, but it's a possibility.
     
  3. ChloeKiss

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    How have you not punched them in the face yet? They are pathetic.. Sorry to say but those girls are complete bitches. God knows why you are friends with them. I personally think you should tell them they are scum. Don't even blame it on the fact that they were bought up like that. Any normal HUMAN being should not act so horrified at the site of two people who are probably INLOVE kissing. Ugh. I appologise if this isn't the response you were seeking. But it's just my personal oppinion. Sorry. Good luck!
     
  4. PinkCammelia90

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    It's difficult. I hear what you're saying about upbringing and culture; something like that is very hard to get past. Were you, your Mother and/or your girlfriend raised in a similar environment? If so, ask them how your homosexuality affected their attitudes, and see if you can find a new angle with which to broach the topic with your friends.

    I daresay your friends aren't bad people (even if they aren't very forward-thinking), but if they won't love you and support you for who you are as a person, then you may have to question the value of their friendship. If the things they're saying to you are hurtful, you are hurting yourself by allowing it to happen - you shouldn't let someone else's way of thinking dictate your own. Be proud of who you are.

    The time when you're coming out is one of those occasions when you need all the support you can get - it can be confusing and strange enough without hurtful comments.

    I hope you find some of this helpful x
     
  5. lovely lesbian

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    These girls sound vile! Come out to them and if they leave you then they arent your friends becasue they sound like inmature little girls
     
  6. Straight ally

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    Right now you are ok, but as time pass by their homophobia will keep acummulating inside you and it will probably hurt you. Also eventually they could find out on their own and people usually react worse when they discover it on their own compared to when y ou come out to them, and the more time pass the more a bad reaction would hurt... Come out when you are ready, prepare yourself, take your time, but comeout.

    :goodluck:
     
  7. bingostring

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    Not healthy having to avoid the subject all the time, tiptoeing around the subject. You could try letting one know ( most trusted one) then see. An 'ally' in the camp. You may be pleasantly surprised.

    Sometimes homophobic remarks are made without thinking about others' sensitivities.