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Really need help Anyone please

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by helpimafish, Apr 17, 2014.

  1. helpimafish

    Regular Member

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    Well let me start off by letting you know a little about me.

    I am a guy that is well unfortunately bisexual, i say unfortunately because my father is not exactly big on the hole gay thing i mean don't get me wrong he has nothing like bad about it just he has openly said he is happy i am not a "pufter"

    i have had a strange life untill i was into my teens a bit i never had a sexual atraction to ANYONE then one day i seen a girl and long story short i fell in love with her she didnt even know me for anything more than the kid to cheat of in science or to help her get onto bebo in IT class :slight_smile: it was heaven for me till one day i told her my feelings and baysically she shot me down.

    I then after a year started to notice other people in a sexual way but it was boys no girls other than her but these boys i felt nothing for bare the fact they made me get physically stimulated, but when i look at this girl even now its a hole other feeling that is senusual acros my hole body not just sexual either. so from this i derived the fact i must be BI.

    My problem was she hated me and well i hated my self for likeing men my hole life al i wanted was a faimly even down to the dog i had it planned and then i go and spoil it by liking guys so this got me really depresed and without going into to much details i did a stupid thing and it was put down to struggling socialy at school due to my aspergers syndrome i didnt let anyone know otherwise.

    Now my problem is all these feeling are still here 8 years later and their still haunting me i cant be happy every day i wake up thinking about what i failure i am and how im never going to succeed and i know the reasson i feel like this is becase im hiding who i am, i cant let people know what i am, my dad brags about me to his freinds because im a rugby player and i fight (semi-pro not bawling) and that makes him proud but their manly tasks and if i was to tell my mum she would tell my dad i know it because she tells him everything. i tested this ones buy telling her something REALLY secreate about my body about things i was going through and my dad somehow started asking indirect questhions about it till eventually he just said your mum told me and a big argument happend. so how can i tell anyone when i have no one to tell my mum and dad are all i have and im also dependant upon them.

    I honestly sit here most nights just hopening that tomorrow i wont wake up that something will happen and ill choke in my sleep or some other thing that will kill me and not bring shame to my family, my parents may be upset for a month or two but atleast it wouldnt have the shame of the Bisexual son.

    So honestly i jsut need someones advice on what to do. anything jsut somethign to get these thoughts out my head they are consuming me, i have no life now, my life is litterly go to college, come home and go to room, have dinner, go back to room, sleep and repeat
    and its all because my room is my closet i hide in here and no one bothers me i am safe i can feel what i like watch what i like be me and not be judged.

    SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!
     
  2. PeytonRose

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    Here's what I want you to do m'dear. Close your eyes and take a couple deep breathes.

    Now, no one, not even your parents have a right to tell you who you can and can not love. Just because you like men doesn't mean you can't have a family later on in life. Have you seen Neil Patrick Harris with his husband and I think 3 kids? He's got an ideal family, they're happy, living the dream, and he has a husband.

    What you really need to concentrate on is figuring out what YOU like, what makes YOU happy at the end of the day, because let's face it, in your world, that's what's most important right? I know, it sucks, people say hurtful things borne of ignorance. You'll have that. But there is nothing wrong with being gay, straight, bi, trans, genderqueer, genderfluid, purple, pink, xy chromosome, extra chromosome, no chromosomes, fuchsia (I just like saying fuchsia), blue, red, white, it doesn't matter as long as YOU ARE HAPPY. That is key, that is priority numero uno. Follow your heart and you'll be surprised at what you find out :wink:

    And as always we're here if you need a place to hang your ranting hat again :slight_smile: (*hug*)
     
  3. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

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    You can't change who you are or what you feel, none of us can do that (including your Dad, Mum, Rugby team mates, other fighters..). We all need to find a way of accepting who we are and living with our feelings - that's part of life. Some people are strong enough to find their own way, others need a helping hand and there's absolutely no shame in that. You've done the right thing in posting something on here and asking for help. You need some friends who you can talk to and be honest with - let us be those friends and rant away as much as you need.

    You are loading your sexuality with so much negativity and I think you are soaking up a lot of stuff that you've heard from your Dad. Don't do that! Parents often say things without even considering the possible impact. The truth is, there are far worse things you could be than Bi... there are far worse things you could admit to being when you think about it. You're not doing drugs, you're not robbing grannies, you're not holding up a bank or attacking people in the street - you just happen to have feelings for both sexes. You being bi isn't going to affect peace on earth.

    If a man is bi or gay, it doesn't make him any less of a man either. Your Dad's term "pufter" is an outdated view that all men with same sex attraction are camp and effeminate. Well, that's just crap! As someone who plays rugby, you may have heard of Gareth Thomas, the Welsh Rugby Player who happens to be gay. Is he any less masculine? Another example for you.. the boxer Orlando Cruz. Bi and gay men also serve in the armed forces in front line combat roles.

    You are getting really down about this and need to give yourself a break. You don't need to feel this much shame or be a different person. Instead of thinking how bad this is or how bad you are, try thinking about what you want and how you can be the best person you can be. Believe in yourself!
     
    #3 PatrickUK, Apr 18, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2014
  4. Radioactive Bi

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    Hiya, I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with this.

    I think there are a few issues to address here. Firstly, you must understand there is nothing bad or wrong with being bi. I think the first thing you need to do is come to terms with how you feel rather than saying I'm "unfortunstely" bi. There is nothing unfortunate about it. There are many bi people out there and a lot if us are happy. You can be too. I mean, your sexual/romantic preferences are only a small part of who you are.

    I also think, you are worrying too much about how people (including your parents) perceive and think of you. I know that's natural (even i get this sometimes) but if these people really care about you, they should accept you for you. Also, being bi doesn't make you any less manly. I'm bi myself, and believe me I'm not seen as not manly. Especially when my friends and I kicking the crap out of each other at karate. It's no different than when you are at rugby. As I said, your orientation is a small part of your overall person, not it's defining feature.

    Thirdly, don't think that being bi doesn't mean you can't have a family. I was in a relationship and married for 13 years and have two kids. (I'm separated now, but that was nothing to do with my bisexuality). So there is still the option to have a family. Even if you end up with a male partner, there are ways.

    Saying all that though, if you are going to come out to your parents, still be sensible. You should try and gauge their honest opinion about homosexuality/bisexuality. If you are still dependant on them, and you cone put and they are homophobic/bi phobic it can cause significant problems for you.

    If you feel really isolated, perhaps you could seek out you local LGBT group and get support from their. Of course, the people here at EC will be here for you too.

    Hope everything goes ok for you.

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  5. helpimafish

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    Thank you ALL For the support but its just hard

    I have one freind i can truley trust with anything but i feel bad tlaking to him because he does not agree with being gay allthough he is not against it he just does not like it him self,he does know that i am bi and he has told me if i need support he is their for me but i cant talk to him about it much deeper because i dont see the point of upseting a freind when their is no need he has been so good.

    OMG i hate this i dont know what to do ut my reassons to come out are they good enough.
    - i feel traped
    - i cant progress in life a lie
    - i feel i have to hide form the world
    I have not got a relationshop but it is something that is unlikely to happen so is it worth coming out and making my life worse than it is already.