I've been starting to get progressively more and more confident with my self in coming out to people. I have a number of people that I want to tell I'm gay but I feel that these numbers just keep stacking higher and higher. Although I want my closests friends to know that I am gay I don't want it to get out of hand. No telling how many people already know that I am gay already. I just have this feeling that everythings already out of hand and I have no control over it. Right now is not really the best time for me to publically come out being that I still have a unaccepting doubtful father ( I came out to him in the summer and he just told me that it was a phase ), also not to mention the fact that people would socially not accept me. Anyways I just feel that this whole thing is going to fall down on me in the worst way possible:tears: Advice? :help: Also has anyone else been in a situation where you told enough people that eventually everyone already knew? Is so how did that work out for you? ---------- Post added 17th Apr 2014 at 06:30 PM ---------- P.s. about 7 or 8 people know outside of my family
You know, for me, I never made a literal decision to come out. It was life's certain situations that made me come out to certain people at certain times. Like, This last time, (3 weeks ago actually), I came out to most all of my friends, because my best friend, the one I shared my whole life with, but was straight, pretty much walked out of my life due to a few circumstances. (all of which you can read about in the family and friend section lolol) All my friends used to be his friends. But they do not like him, but they all knew how close we were. So in telling them what happened, why he just left, I had to tell them about me being gay. Fact was, one of the reasons was because in the last year of our friendship before he left, I developed feelings for him. Never acted on them, but, well, during a night of discovering he was really unhappy with me, it came out. Well more like the next day. But it came out, and he left. So, If i was going to grieve, and seek advice from my close friends, I had to be honest. In telling them, It honestly was not a big deal to them at all. As a matter of fact, they were all more upset at how my friend handled the whole thing rather than the fact that I'm gay. My friends, all of them, have more respect and love for me now. It's in the open, and that's it. Nothing changed as far as how I'm treated. You see, there was no real reason to tell anyone before this. There was no reason to bring it up. Being gay is not a defining thing for most of us. It is just who we are. But other than maybe hoping some friends might know some guy that I may like, there is no real reason I ever felt to say anything. No one ever questioned about why I didn't have a GF. They didn't care. They loved me for me. Who I was to them. So my advice. I would not worry about coming out per say, like there is no need for a coming out party lol or anything crazy. No need to introduce your self like, "Hi, I'm Jason, and I'm gay! Nice to meet you!" lol, Because that is not who you are, it's just a part of who you are. Again, do not let it define you. Love is love. But if it comes up, fine. Say something. But do not let it scare you. That will control your life. Forget the whole "socially acceptable" thing. People will either love you or they wont. The people that do not, are not the people you need in your life. I am learning that now trying to let go of a best friend, that Idk if he will ever see me the same way again. I think that is the hardest part. Losing someone you love, or someone you are close with. It's scary. Idk, those are just my thoughts.. sorry so long winded. Hope that helps a little. Jason
did you ask the 7 or 8 people not to say anything? i ask because i have around that many people i want to tell at school but i'm afraid they'll tell everyone and you said no telling how many people already know. cheers.
Thanks Jason for your advice. Although I'm still not ready to come out yet, I understand what you mean by "being gay is not a defining thing for most of us". I think from now on I'll just take small steps and invite the people into my life that will accept me.
That's exactly how I dealt with it. There are still people I know or that are in my life, that do not know. Mostly because it's a non issue. But if someone asks, I tell them. But that's only because I'm at that point now. I was not before. I would always deny it. So yea, Take small steps. Look, some people are made to take those GIANT leaps and they come out of the closet like a freakin bullet train! Then there are people like me and you, we like to crack the door, look around, see what's going on. One. Step. At. A. Time. You got a good head on your shoulders. Wishin for the best. Specially since we both live in the midwest. lol.
