Okay, so I grew up in a REALLY fundamentalist Christian house, which was REALLY not accepting of gay or lesbian people. In fact, I didn't ever consider the fact that I might be a lesbian, just that I had a "problem" that I liked girls. I obviously kept this fact strictly to myself. I dated a few guys, but didn't really enjoy myself. Now, I'm dating this really, really wonderful girl, who I'm totally in love with, but I'm still having so many internal struggles with it. I'm having real difficulty with saying things like "I'm gay". My girlfriend wants to go to the Pride Parade, and so do I, but I'm really nervous about identifying myself. I'm worried that if the really Christian people in my life ever found out, they would start really looking down on me, or even not talk to me any more. My question is how have other people dealt with being religious and gay? Is the kind of internal struggle I've talked about typical? How did your religious parents deal with the news (I haven't told mine yet, but am anticipating a disaster on the level of a family crisis)? Also, how can I be dating such a wonderful person and still find it difficult to say things like, "I'm gay, and this is my girlfriend"?
First things first - Welcome to EC I'm not a big religious person so I can't help you out much there. As for internal struggle, you can just look at all the post on this site and see just how many people have internal struggles so it definitely isn't "abnormal". Lots of people have issues with saying thing like "I'm gay." It's a way of verbally confirming it. I personally had lots of trouble saying "I'm gay." It make take some time but it will come slowly. If you wish to speed things up you could (when nobody is around) whisper "I'm gay." and over time see if you can say it louder with more confidence.
Yeah, welcome to EC. Religious and Gay, why not spiritual and gay? :tears: Just kidding. I don't like using the word "typical", but in this sense, then yes it's that common. As for the coming out, technically I actually did but my mother was either too drunken to remember or is in denial about it. And I wish no longer to confront her about it. Don't laugh, but for some reason, a random made up musical popped into my head. So you're walking down a street, trying to accept that you're gay. You're quietly saying to yourself "I'm gay...I'm gay..." every few seconds or something. Then it turns into a rhythmic beat going along with your chants, and you are speaking louder each time. Lost in your own world of learning to accept yourself, you walk past some random guy who says "What!?" And you turn to him, brave enough to sing "I'm gay!" and then you say "You got a problem with that?" And then the guy says "No..." and then sings "Cuz I'm gay too!" And then somehow, you end up singing and dancing on a car and there's all these LGBT peoples with you singing "I'm gay!" and similar stuff. :eusa_danc (!) (!!) (!) :eusa_dancSorry, that came out of nowhere...
My son came out in a fundamentalist Christian family too. Most of them have been pretty good about it. Although I don't really know what they say behind our backs! I think if you rent or buy and watch the DVD For the Bible Tells Me So, it will be of great help to your inner conflict that you are feeling. It could also help you come out to your family too. This is one of the best films I've seen on religion and homosexuality. Just recently I was forwarded a list from my friend who is married to a psycholigist. If there is not enough proof that gay people exist in every religion, take a look at all these support groups! A number of folks with conservative religious upbringing have found Mel White's book "Stranger at the Gate" helpful. Mel is a former speech writer for Pat Robertson and is now an out gay minister in Dallas, TX. Also perhaps Troy Perry's book "The Lord is My Shepherd and He Knows I'm Gay. Troy founded the Metropolitan Community Church. But, maybe some websites would be better: PFLAG's website is always good: www.pflag.org Pamphlet entitled "What the Bible Says—and Doesn't Say—about Homosexuality". By Rev. Dr. Mel White (former speechwriter for Pat Robertson). Download for free at http://soulforce.org/main/whatthebiblesays.shtml Religious Resources for GLBT Clients AFFIRM: Dr. Marvin Goldfried's site for psychologists with gay, lesbian or bisexual family members www.sunysb.edu/affirm Baptist LGBT support organization: www.rainbowbaptists.org/christian.htm Brethren Mennonite Council for LGBT Interests: www.bmclgbt.org Catholic LGBTs: www.dignityusa.org Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) LGBTs: www.gladalliance.org Christian Science LGBT Resources: www.emergence-international.org/index.php Episcopal LGBTs: www.integrityusa.org Evangelicals Concerned ("Safe Place" for GLBT Christians): www.ecwr.org General support site: www.religioustolerance.org General support site: www.whosoever.org Jewish LGBTs (World Congress of LGBT Jews): www.glbtjews.org LDS/Mormon LGBTs: www.affirmation.org Lutheran Lesbian & Gay Ministries: www.elm.org Methodists for GLBT concerns: www.umaffirm.org Metropolitan Community Church (Christian LGBT church): www.mccchurch.org Presbyterian GLBT advocacy (More Light Presbyterians) in the church: www.mlp.org Quaker (Friends for LGBT & Queer Concerns): www.quaker.org/flgbtqc/index.html Religious Retreats (One each year, mid-year, for LGBT Christians): www.kirkridge.org Seventh Day Adventist LGBT support organization: www.sdakinship.org/ Unitarian Universalist Office of BGLT concerns: www.uua.org/obgltc United Church of Christ Coalition for LGBT concerns: www.ucccoalition.org
Check "The God Box" out of the library. It's a sort of lame read, but it's full of important things to consider if you're gay and christian. It also exposes the ex-gay movement for what it is. For The Bible Tells Me So is also a great affirming movie. http://www.gaychristian101.com is a good apologetics resource usually, explaining most of the bible issues. You can just google 'gay christian' and you'll get thousands of results. Just click around :]
There's a great website about Christianity/the Bible and homosexuality: www.wouldjesusdiscriminate.com When I came out to my Christian Mum and Priest, they were both acepting. But they are liberal Anglicans, so your fundamentalist family might be different.
About this: Don't laugh, but for some reason, a random made up musical popped into my head. So you're walking down a street, trying to accept that you're gay. You're quietly saying to yourself "I'm gay...I'm gay..." every few seconds or something. Then it turns into a rhythmic beat going along with your chants, and you are speaking louder each time. Lost in your own world of learning to accept yourself, you walk past some random guy who says "What!?" And you turn to him, brave enough to sing "I'm gay!" and then you say "You got a problem with that?" And then the guy says "No..." and then sings "Cuz I'm gay too!" And then somehow, you end up singing and dancing on a car and there's all these LGBT peoples with you singing "I'm gay!" and similar stuff. I know you said don't laugh but ha ha ha ha ha! I love it!! I can totally picture it too! :roflmao: Thanks everyone for such good advice and things to read and try out! It's really good to hear from other people and great to know that no matter what happens I'm not alone. It's really easy to feel alone when the only other gay person you know is the one you are dating! Thanks so much everyone! Ciao.
just outa curiousity r u still religious?, cause when i started going to college i took a philosophy of religion course which just blew my mind and i became more of an atheist. it made my life a lot easier, well my social life anyway, life at home lol thats another story.
My word, Becky, do you keep that on hand all the time? As for the original problem, if you're really concerned that your parents or family members would react in an overly-negative way, then it might actually be best to hold it in until you have a little more freedom. If you still rely on your parents for financial support, housing, etc., then DEFINITELY keep it to yourself for just a little while longer. Honestly is usually the best way to go, but not when you risk being tossed out or sent to "reparative therapy".
Well yeah, in my saved mail. I figured it would come in useful someday. The two main reason parents don't accept their gay children are religious oppression and homophobia. I'm sure I'll be able to use it in my PFLAG work more than once!
RY Guy, thanks so much for responding to this post! No, I'm not still religious. I still accept that that's what they believe, but that's not what I personally believe. Once I was exposed to other ideas in university, I began to realize that, at least the really fundamentalist thinking about Christianity wasn't for me. For me, it was a science course. I think I still believe deep down that there is a some sort of cosmic force that cares for me. I still respect that that is what my family believes, partly because that was what I believed until I realized what a bigger world there was out there, and partly because they were all brought up to be Christians and none of them had known anything else However, even though this is not what I believe, I think that the ideas and fears and philosophies have stayed with me, and that deep down I think I still believe them. Like, I still think that deep down, I believe that being gay is a sin, and that I'm sinning by dating Amelie. I think. It's so hard to know why I'm having such a struggle with this.
Becky, do you think that it would be no problem for parents to accept their children's sexual orientation if it weren't for religion or homophobia (which, in my opinion often stems from religion)?
Yeah, I know that my mom will want to have the demons of homosexuality cast out of me (not an exaggeration!), to make me "better". It's my aunt and uncle who I live with who I am dependent on until I finish school. I'm trying to move out of their house before they find out, because I KNOW they won't take it kindly either. I'll have to take out a loan, but I think that will be better than them finding out that I'm dating my best friend. It's just to me, it feel kind of wrong to keep it to myself, like I'm lying or something, and also it's hard to keep that kind of thing a secret for long...
For the Bible Tells Me So is a great movie. There was one for the Torah (Judaism) too but I don't remember the name and that's besides the point anyways.
