For some reason I have gotten my first panic attack after not having them for a little while. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that two people have figured out I like girls. While I am relieved that they didn't make a huge deal, I feel weird that 2 other people know. Them finding out was unexpected so.... Part of me would like people to know, but I feel indifferent right now. I am not acting indifferent I just feel it in my body and mind. I feel weird knowing that again 2 people know. I went to work today and one of the girls just treated me the same-the other girl wasn't working. I think it is strange because I assumed that when I would come out people would disown me. I mean before I told my sister, I thought she was going to keep me away from her two children and my brother in law I had no clue what he would do. Then suddenly I came out to them and my brother in law just told me that they wouldn't disown me because I am a great person and they don't care who I like. My sister I know loves me the same and she allows me into her children's lives whom I love so much. I have been there since they were born so I was really scared of not having that bond anymore. I mentioned to my cousin about my feelings and she actually started to cry. She said that she was upset that I would feel this way and that she loves me who ever I like. My mom is okay with it as well and says she loves me regardless. I think the weird thing is everyone has had a completely different reaction than I thought they would. I feel like this is great, but wow I don't think people realize how emotionally draining it is for me, especially those two co-workers of mine. I mean I am the private type and having two people at work know something so deep about me is scary. I feel scared people knowing something about my childhood and now I am scared of them finding this out. I think its because I know if people know it becomes a reality and there will be no more hiding. I know it sounds odd, but I am so used to hiding. It is what I have done all my life. Now suddenly some people know this about me and I am kind of in shock. I am not letting myself get too worked up over this until possibly summer because I have school and need to keep my grades up in order to graduate. I just think this is scary and my body and mind feels it.
