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Coming out as confused?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by CuriousArticles, Apr 21, 2014.

  1. CuriousArticles

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    Has anyone come out as confused? I'm not sure if I'm gay, straight, bi or anything else on the spectrum, and it's the only thing holding me back. I don't mind people knowing, or telling people as such, I'm just absolutely terrified that I'll figure out I'm straight and have to "come in" again. On the other hand, I could be completely gay...who knows.

    Has anyone else had to go through this? Did you come out, or figure it out first? What problems did you face? Do people still think you're what you originally came out as, and think you're just changing your mind or anything stupid like that? Or lying or not taken seriously?

    I'm really hating not being open about it, but I don't want to put my sexual confusion on display. I's just taking forever to get my head sorted out!
     
  2. Dryad

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    I did come out as questioning/confused about a year ago, but only to people who I trusted and knew they would take me seriously. It was relieving, they helped me and supported me. I suggest not telling everyone until you're more sure about it, but telling some close friends and family can be very good for you. I only regret coming out to my mother as questioning, because even now she thinks I'm still unsure... Ok, that's not too bad, at least she accepted my gay relationship, even if she thought I was just experimenting...
    You get the point. :wink:
     
  3. Brohg

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    Speaking as someone whos known a lot of people in the spectrum of gay, bi and trans community, I can tell you that while its common for most people to only find identity within one community, there are people in the world who simply do not fall into any catagory of sexual preference, and might just wish to be open to all.
    Try experimenting, if your not afraid to try things out have a go, but be careful in how to approach, the problem with everyone falling into there own set group is you can't exactly just expect them to break from that because you want to experiment, like asking a man who purely identifies as straight to have sex with you, or having sex with someone and then telling them after you only used them to experiment, thats usually a heart breaker for most.

    Just try things, but thoughtful to other peoples feelings if you choose to experiment, and maybe your find what your looking for. I mean there is even the term pan-sexual meaning someone who is aroused by any and all genders and sex types, but maybe even that you don't wish to be titled as. And if people ask you, just tell them that your pan-sexual, and just trying to find yourself.
     
  4. CuriousArticles

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    Thanks for the replies guys. I've finally told my sister who's really good at talking thing like this through, after chickening out about 10 times in the same evening.

    I want to try experimenting, but from talking with my sister, I don't think it will help. I don't very often have strong feelings for anyone, and I'm worried that if I don't like the person enough, it won't give me any idea of how I feel...probably...maybe. I think my main problem is I need to know someone really well before I'm comfortable with them, or can be attracted to them. Is that demisexual? How can a figure out if I have an attraction to men or women when I have to connect to experiment? It's not fair on them, and difficult for me.

    I don't think being out as confused is particularly great, but I don't really like the idea of hiding away. There aren't may people I'd feel comfortable telling until I was sure (They'd be fine, I'm just not particularly open).
     
  5. Brohg

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    Maybe the key, is to not go looking for love, instead go make friends, bonds with people, or try the other way and just meet guys or girls. I dunno how well it works in the straight scene between men and women, but in the gay one men often might just be looking for a good time, and you may even end up finding something about them.

    Its really just a case of getting out there, meeting new people, finding places online to chat with people, and most of all, finding something you have in common with people. Doesn't matter if there boy or girl or trans. And maybe at the least, you end up making friends with people.