Coming out to super consevaive parents

If your parents have really conservative values and see homosexuality as sinful this could go down really badly and cause you a lot of strife. Do think carefully about this - it might not be the right time, especially if you are still dependent on them for financial support.

I know it feels dishonest to hide your true self, but you do need to consider your security. Maybe the best time will be once you are fully independent and able to support yourself.

What do you think?

 

I was lucky, my parents were not religious and accepted my sexuality. Think parents need to understand that sexuality isn't a choice or an abomination. It's in the genes we inherit from them.

 

Maybe it's a good idea to "prepare" them by having some conversations on LGBT issues... but it can be tough.

 

I agree with the others, to be careful.

I had a friend who came out (or was outed?) to his parents after he was in college, and he was partially financially dependent on them (the rest of his college tuition was fully earned by him). He came from a church background, too, with very conservative parents (this was also in the South, U.S.).

He had a very bad experience with his parents. I don't mean to terrify you or just add one more to the "scare stories" - but the sad truth is, it's still very much a reality, especially in certain pockets of the world.

His father pulled the part of his tuition that came from them (the parents), and tried to "take his son out of 'that' school" (thinking it was the college that had 'made' his son gay), even going so far as coming physically to the campus to try to remove his son. It was not pretty, but my friend had lots of allies and support there, and as he was an adult over the age of 18, there was nothing his parents could do to "take" him out of school. He also managed to find another scholarship or two which covered that part of his tuition that his parents had been footing.

This is the sad reason why almost everyone will say, over and over again, "wait until you're financially independent" for all your life needs (and if you can, over 18) to come out, if you think there is any possibility at all that your parents may react extremely negatively.

(*hug*) We are here for you though, no matter what your decisions.

Best wishes & my prayers for you.

---------- Post added 21st Apr 2014 at 02:21 PM ----------

*I wanted to add as a disclaimer: That being said, I did not exactly follow this advice, myself. But then I knew I had friends who could and would support me when I made the decision to go ahead and come out to the parent I was still dependent on, at the time, for support. I am not saying what I did was ideal...but I just couldn't wait any more. It was a measured decision, and I did it for me...my need at the time, in my heart.

 

This can be a tough thing to deal with when coming out. Perhaps you can convince them to hate the sin and not the sinner as they say? I recently stumbled across this article which is definitely worth a read about how the bible doesn't really say much at all about homosexuality and it's pretty ambiguous. There's also this story about a broken jug I thought was inspiring at the end.

"Once there was an old man who had to carry water up the hill from the river to his house each day. One of his water jugs, however, had a crack in it, so that, by the time he arrived at the top of the path, most of the water was lost. His neighbors laughed at him: “Why don’t you buy a new water jug?” Even his wife criticized him: “Why don’t you buy a new water jug?” But the man said nothing.

One day, he said to them, “Come with me,” and led them, skeptical but curious, down the path that ran from his back door to the river.

“Almost every day,” said the man to his wide-eyed companions, “on my way to the river, I scatter seeds. On my way home, water leaks from my precious jug to nourish them.”

To their amazement, the entire left side of path was in bloom. A riot of color—flowers of every hue and tone— made the path a paradise.

Is not homosexuality similar to that second jug? It may appear broken from one individual’s limited and restricted perspective, but truly what appears to be “brokenness” is indeed a hidden virtue. Could one even imagine that the jug is not necessarily “broken,” but rather God, out of abundance and creativity, created more than one type of jug for more than one purpose?

On another note, we accept that it is true that we are not only spiritual and mental beings, but also physical and sexual beings. Does it make sense then that a large percent of God’s children should live in denial of a fundamental part of who they are? Should this group be forced to live without the affection and intimacy that comes with committed partnership? "

Whole article: The Bible Christianity and Homosexuality | gaychurch.orggaychurch.org

 

I think that right now would not be the best time to come out to your parents. You should probably wait until you go to college or you are able to support yourself on your own if things go awry. There are many places in the world where being gay isn't accepted and can even lead to criminal charges. But if you really want to come out now, by all means, go ahead.

 

Unless there's a compelling reason to come out now, I'd recommend waiting until you're independent. I had the experience from hell of coming out to conservative southern Baptist parents when I was a freshman in college. The emotional damage put me back in the closet for 23 years, and I got married and have 2 children. Last year I finally accepted myself as a gay man and began the process of preparing myself to come clean with my wife. I finally found the courage 6 weeks ago, and we are now 6 weeks closer to the finalization of the divorce. Normally I would recommend personal integrity above all else. But when dealing with religious conservative parents and college and finding your way to an independent life, survival has to be the first priority.

 

Just don't tell them, or tell people who would 'tattle,' and I'm sure willful denial on their part will do the rest of the job. xD (Seriously.)

 

Just try to avoid the issue of sex and sexuality altogether and keep quiet if it comes up. Admit nothing, but deny nothing (if possible, for your own integrity' sake).

Might be tough as some religious conservatives have an almost pathological obsession with sexuality.

Keep talking to us for support.