Hello, I don't think anyone will be able to help me, but I'm feeling so stressed out at the moment... I feel trapped and totally out of control of my own situation, which I absolutely hate. I've been wrestling with the idea that I am suffering from depression for the past few weeks. I don't know... I just feel unhappy and anxious all the time. I hate my job - but my boss thinks I'm very 'capable' and is lumping more and more responsibilities on me. He says he wants me to run the whole business, but I seriously doubt my ability to do that. The last couple of working days I have gotten so stressed out that I have had to just walk out of the office and take a long walk round the block just to calm down enough that I can finish the day :-( I can't afford to quit my job. I don't have much savings and I have no academic qualifications so God knows if I'd be able to get another one very quickly. My family is also depending on me financially at the moment. Added to that, I'm having a really hard time trying to see where my sexuality is leading me. My family are all very homophobic. And not in the meathead way, calling people 'faggots' or 'sissy' type of thing. But in the religious, holier than thou, Sodom & Gomorrah type of way, which is far more scary to me. They have all campaigned actively against gay marriage and go on endlessly about how the "gay agenda" is destroying the Christian values of this country. I get so demoralized when I hear them speak like that... and I have absolutely no idea how to bridge that divide. I know if it comes to choosing between their religion and me, I don't stand a chance. But, I love them and I know I am weak mentally at the moment - there's no way I can survive without them... So I just don't know what to do. I'm just doing my best to try to keep on going, day by day... but I don't know how long I can last. I don't really have any friends either to talk to. All in all, I feel lonely, scared and very unsure about the future ... :-(
First of all welcome to the forum! Awww... I wish that I could just give you a hug. I know it may seem like it but I am sure that your family would not accept religion over you. My dad was/is incredibly homophobic not in the religious way but more in the "faggot" way but when I told him it was a very surreal moment. He was okay with it and he was the main reason why I felt so worried about telling my family. What I am trying to say is that we build up peoples reactions without knowing how they will react. We always think of the worst possible outcome and it is never as bad as we think it will be. So please don't worry about your families reaction. They might add abit odd at first but time will heal it especially if you are the sole bread winner like you said you are. Of course you can tell them in your own time so no need to rush btw. Also work wise, you must also remember that experience counts for something and if your boss is practically letting you run this business that must mean he has alot of faith in you. Grades aren't everything, employers will look for experience aswell, try not to be too disheartened man. I hope that you will be okay and I am sure that many other members of the forum can contribute better than I have, message me if you want to man. I am here to chat as are the many others in this forum.
