I'm so deep in the closet, I don't know if its worth coming out

Welcome (again) to EC. You've come to the right place.

If you haven't already, read some of the threads in the 'later in life' section of the forum. You'll be amazed at how many people find themselves in the exact same situation as you.

Your story is much like mine. I was married with young children. I was using gay porn exclusively. Eventually I also was cheating with other men.

What I have found is that you can't stuff those thoughts and feelings back in the box and carry on as if they didn't exist. I'm afraid it will only get worse for you - not better. So you'll need to deal with this - in some way, shape, or form.

How? Counselling of some kind. Find a professional to talk to about all this. It is likely one of the most complex and confusing situations that anyone can face in their life, so it doesn't make sense that you should be able to figure it out all on your own. Get help.

Consider your girlfriend. You're already disconnected from her. How much longer do you think you could go on anyway? Come clean now in a supportive and healthy way, or come clean later after she has grown to hate you, or finds out about your cheating. I would think sooner is better.

And your son? It depends - mostly on where you live, but also on your own attitude towards your orientation. If you can be positive about it, then he'll be positive about it. My daughters are 'out' at school and it hasn't been an issue for them to have a gay dad. but we live in the Toronto area which is pretty accepting to start with.

In the end, you need to put yourself first in order for you to be of any use to others in your life. Some things to think about...