Hey, I'm 12 and in middle school. I know I'm kinda young, but I'm really mature. Anyway, I'm pansexual 100% positive about it. I really like this one girl at school. She's really pretty, nice, and we love a lot of the same things. We're kind of friends, but we're not too close because she's in a different class and clique than me. Another problem is that I don't know if my friends are really my friends. I'm kinda popular, and all my friends are too. Some of them are really nice, but others can be backstabbing bitches. I'm not myself around them, I act like them and not like myself. I'm actually quite nerdy:rolle:. I would just ditch them and hang out with people who don't make me have anxiety attacks, but I'm too scared to loose all my close friends. I just want everyone to like me! So I pretend I'm having fun and life is perfect and YAY! But.... really I'm depressed. I would talk to my parents, but I don't usually tell them anything important because I'm shy about talking to them. Anyway, about coming out, I know my parents would support me, but I can't bring myself to say anything, my best friend never takes anything seriously and this is important to me, so I would get rather frustrated. I'm also afraid she'll be weirded out. I'm scared my close friends would gossip about it and ditch me, and I'm TERRIFIED that my crush is 100% straight. I need to tell someone, though, because I'm keeping A LOT to myself and it's making me have anxiety and be depressed and have mood swings. So please HELP ME:help::bang:
Having a crush on someone you're not sure about can be kind of annoying. I would know. But hanging out with people who are quite possibly not your friends; that's a situation you should try to get out of. If you're having to change the way you act for them, then it's not a good situation. If you're depressed and having to pretend you're happy, then someone's pushing you to not be yourself. The fact that you're having to try to change yourself for them means that they're not your true friends, and you shouldn't be too worried about losing them. I would focus more on making some new ones to replace the ones you may lose if you act like yourself. If your friend tries to take it as a joke, then try to calmly explain to him/her that it's not, and that you don't appreciate him/her making it into one. Don't bother telling your other friends unless you really want to, especially if you're worried about them gossiping. As for your crush being 100% straight, I've been there. It sucks for a while, but you get over it fairly quickly. And if you play your cards right, you can usually stay friends and nothing will change between you save for her knowing. Definitely find someone you can tell, though, because bottling it up can get worse. If you know your parents would be accepting, you can try writing them a letter or something like that, that way you don't have to start the conversation on your own. Or you can leave this site up and let them see it, and let them start the conversation that way (just make sure it's on your own terms; my mom found this in my history and that was awkward). I hope this helps. I know that especially at a young age coming out and sexuality stuff can be a pain in the butt, so if you need more help feel free to message me!
