Hi, I made a post before about how I want to come out to my family, I think they'll all be supportive, I'm just an overly anxious person. I decided to visit a therapist first, so I found one in my area who has dealt with LGBT issues. I've only had 2 sessions but really you guys are more helpful than this woman. I told her that I was struggling to come out but that I know I want to soon. She told me that there isn't a reason come out unless I'm in a relationship....which isn't going to happen anytime soon because I truly believe you have to love yourself before you can love someone else and I really dislike myself..I'm working on that though. I really just can't believe she said that. I told her I'd have to lie and hide for even longer then, and she said it's been 23 years, what's a few more? I don't think I can go back for another appointment. Why should I have to hide just because I'm not in a relationship? Just today my mom asked what I was doing on the computer and my brother joked "looking at pictures of hot guys" and it's just little things like that that make me want to tell them the truth so badly.. :bang: So what do you guys think of my therapist. :dry:
That therapist sounds like a bit** sorry. She sounds horrible. To be honest, I think you should find another therapist. My therapist has never told me that and hell I am in the same boat as you. I don't want to be in a relationship because right now it isn't a good time especially since I don't love myself all that much. Find a better counselor. Wow I read that afterwards and it sounds harsh, I just think you can find a better one than her.
That therapist ought to have her license yanked. First, she shouldn't be directive in telling you what to do or encouraging you to do something specific, particularly when you've expressed an interest to do something different. That's counseling 101. Second, it's a major empathy failure to fail to understand you in so many ways. Third, it's obvious she has no concept of shame and shame resilience and how it plays into the lives of all people, but particularly with LGBT people because you're absolutely right... you can't love anyone more than you love yourself, and if you're closeted, you can't love yourself. I'm really happy, though, that EC has been helpful to you. I think one of the things this community is best at is hearing people where they're at, and (for the most part at least) honoring and empathizing with them. And that's one of the most powerful means that exists for fostering connection and extinguishing shame.
Yeah, you should find a different therapist. Maybe there's an LGBT center or something near where you live that would have a directory or perhaps know of a few LGBT friendly counselors? Even if nothing's listed on a website, email or call them anyways, as they may be able to help. Just googling "gay friendly therapist ohio" came back with several results that looked like they may be of some good.
I have never had really effective therapy, so my view may not be the best... That said, I don't think much of your therapist. She may not put the "the rapist" in "therapist." But...well, let's put it this way: I wouldn't recommend this woman if she moved to my area. We'll leave it at that. Yes, I guess coming out can wait. But...it sounds like you are ready to start coming out. And how are you going to find that relationship if you are in the closet? At this point, I, personally, am starting to come out. I'm not officially out to anyone local but a LGBT social group. But I have reached the point where (with most people) I don't give a :***: about if they think I'm gay. Because--guess what!--I am gay!
You said this therapist has dealt with LGBT issues... well, she clearly didn't deal with them very well. If you're ready to come out, she should be there to support you. I don't have too much experience in terms of therapy, but I know that her advice is not right. How does she expect you to have a relationship if you haven't come out yet? I'm gonna have to agree with what's already been said, you should probably find a new therapist.
Well said. If she is being that harsh and unempathical and everything, she isn't doing her job too well.
Thank you so much for the responses, I've never had a therapist before so I wasn't exactly sure if she was out of line, but now I know she is. I'm just glad I have EC, like Chip said it's a great community. I honestly don't know if I'll get another therapist or just keep reading stories and responses here. Thanks again. (*hug*)
