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I need to come out again

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Brandiac, Apr 26, 2014.

  1. Brandiac

    Regular Member

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    Hey! I thought it's more fitting to post this in the Coming out section or whatever, even though it's family related.
    Alright, so here's the problem: I need to come out to my mom a second time. Why is that necessary you ask? Well the "first time" wasn't exactly one of my best memories. I should tell you about that as well as an explanation.

    I was exploring myself, trying to find who I was, using the internet, and one time a former *clears throat* friend of mine made me so upset... I was just crying, I ran over to the other room where mom was sleeping. I'd been hiding for a good 7 months by that time. So I just got in the bed, I curled up and I was crying and she didn't understand obviously. She just asked "What's wrong dear?" and hugged me, and I was like "Mom, please don't hate me, please don't!" So I told her. Although back then I never thought girls would be out of the picture because honestly, I had never tried to find out at all, since my school years turned me into a pessimistic, paranoid introverted and constantly depressed person.
    We spent the whole night talking about how it's fine, and she couldn't imagine how it's possible for people of the same sex to love eachother, she was very accepting. Despite that, deep down in my heart I knew she was disappointed.

    So about 9 months have passed, and we haven't talked about this since, but since the few attempts at trying to find a girl were pretty much like still born babies, I thought "Why am I even doing this?:bang:" And really, I'm after an intellectual relationship with a guy so I called it quits and accepted that Nono, I'm just simply gay, end of story.

    I feel the need to tell mom about this, because she thought I was just in need of more -> (&&&) kind of love at first, and really she's just afraid that I'll be judged, and physically hurt by people. I have to wait another year before I start looking for THE one, once I'm out of high school, and until then I really need support and company. I'm having a few exams though in the close future and I'm not sure if this is the right time. She's having problems finding a job and whether we should move to her boyfriend when I'm out of school or not as well so naturally I don't want to add more to that.
    What should I do? :help:​
     
  2. biggayguy

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    I think you are worrying about things too much. There will always be some reason why it's a bad time to come out. There comes a time when you just need to plunge forward. I'm not telling you when. Just know that there will never be the "perfect" time.
     
  3. Ditz

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    You need to decide whether it's bothering you to the extend that it's going to keep you from doing well in school, or whether you'd be ok to wait until later when there's less stress.

    Your mom sounds accepting... Thing is, I'm pretty sure she had many dreams for you which involved a wife and kids and it is going to take a little time for her to get used to a different picture of a boyfriend or husband in your future. I think she might hope that it's only a phase that you are going trough, meaning her dream for you might still materialise if it is... It's a way of postponing the inevitable and she will only really deal with it once she is confronted with it head on for example when you bring a bf home. The good news is that she already knows... She might not have come to terms with it yet, but in time she will and it's not going to be the big shocker or train smash. I think it's pretty safe to say her biggest concern for you is that you are happy and safe, once she sees that you'll be home free!!!
     
  4. Yossarian

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    In all honesty, you don't really need to tell her again, you need to start a circle of friends you can tell, and maybe from that expand to a boyfriend. She already knows; your following up by looking for a boyfriend is all the confirmation she needs. If she sees you with a boyfriend and that you are happy and accepting about your sexuality, she will probably grow to be at peace with it too.