Confused...HELP!!!

Hello,

To start with I would say that you are probably gay if you've been watching and enjoying only gay porn for the past 3 years.

As for what you should do there is no step by step guide. I would say you need to start by fully accepting yourself (I'm on this path myself). You don't need to tell anyone unless you want to.
If you think that you can't deal with some feeling on your own or here on EC you could try speaking to a school counsellor if you think you can trust him/her.
Your last question about what's going on makes it seem like you're asking if everything is normal: you have to know that if you are gay then you were born this way and you should accept and be yourself and you can take as much time as needed to achieve this.

You mentioned that you felt urges to kiss you friend: I wouldn't recommend kissing him out of the blue because he will probably freak out and as to what to do about those urges I don't really have any advice, maybe other members will.

As for when to come out only you will know when you are ready and you shouldn't come out before being ready.

I would like to end on this quote that made me feel better multiple times when I was feeling down:
"Hating yourself for being Gay is like hating your eye color so much you get colored contacts and never take them out. Eventualy it gets really painful, can become infected, and inflict perminante damage. When you finally accept what you can not change, and take the contacts out you will be amazed at how much better it feels."

I hope this will help you. I'm about the same age as you and I was pretty much at your stage not that long ago so I know how you are feeling so I want to wish you good luck, be yourself and be strong (*hug*)

 

From what you have said, you are probably gay. What should you do? A better question is WHEN should you do, and the answer is when you feel you are sure about it, and want other people to know so that you can live authentically and openly. You tell other people who you feel will be accepting of you, starting with the person you are most sure of. If you think your parents will accept the fact and respond with support, then starting with them is a good place. If they have expressed negative attitudes towards homosexuality, then you may not want to tell them at this time, and not until you are sure you will have a place to live if they overreact negatively. If you want to tell your closest friend, you can tell him that you are gay, without revealing that you also have a crush on him. If he says he is cool with it, but straight himself, then it probably isn't a good idea to tell him that you also have feelings for him, because they aren't going anywhere.

As to what's going on, you are young and just beginning to recognize your own sexuality based on how you feel about your friend. You don't have to do anything right away. You determine when and who to tell based on the urgency you feel about having them know. Other than that, who you care about is your own business, as is who you want to share it with. Just keep in mind that once you begin to tell a few people, it may not be long before word spreads around your school; if you are OK with that, then start whenever you are ready.

 

That's surprisingly inspirational. I've heard that message from so many different sources and it really is the most important one - you need to have self acceptance before you can continue.

If you know that you're turned on by gay acts and stuff then you probably are that way inclined, and it's just the way you naturally are. You would then need to think it through - are you happy with this decision? Do you want people to know? Once you know the answer to that, you can then move on and see if your friend is open to that idea (break it slowly when the time is right).